Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Frustrated and Saddened #2

Bingo!

Well, she stayed out at her friends' last night. But I was okay since she told me yesterday afternoon that she was going to be staying there. Also, she did not go to any bars last night. Just went back to friends' house after work. Friday night I have a bachelor party for one of my college friends in Connecticut. So I will continue GAL this weekend. Going to play some basketball tonight.

Trying to exhibit PMA when I am around her. Hopefully she is noticing that and my GAL activities. She has been interested about my playing basketball again. She asks me often when I am going to be playing. That is definitely something that I was doing when we met/fell in love. It was a huge part of my life at that time since I was on the college team, and I have always been happiest when I was playing. So I am going to try and recapture some of those "glory days" so to speak. She has noticed that I have lost alot of weight becuase she told me today that I needed to start eating more. I have lost about 40 lbs since this all started. I am 6'5" and weighed more than I should, so I had enough to lose. I have been working out and playing ball so that has alot to do with it, rather than the fact that I am eating less than I normally did. I also think that she likes that I am playing again, because I used to just go home and wait for her to get home from work at 1:00 am. So I would typically be pretty bored and pick up the phone and call her. So instead now I am filling my evening with activities so I would not be so bored and feel the need to talk to her.

Also, she has begun contacting me more during the day lately. When she first dropped this on me, and as a result I stopped contacting her, I would go most of the day without hearing from her. I might (if I was lucky) have received a text telling me that she got to work. Now, she texts me when she gets up and frequently contacts me throughout the day.

I really feel like the next couple of weeks are going to be the difference maker for us. That and the fact that our anniversary is coming up on August 20th so it will be a tense period at least around our anniversary. But I am going to keep up the PMA. Not make a great deal about the day, but simply acknowledge it, have two gifts to follow her lead, and try and make her feel comfortable and at ease. Usually I would be planning something special for the anniversary- a trip somewhere we have never been, a lavish gift- but not this year. Actually it is kind of odd because I was thinking about booking a weekend trip to Disney (my W loves Disney and always wants to go there) for our anniversary this year and I started looking in the beginning of January right before things started to turn for us. Something told me to hold up on it, and I am glad I did.

Hi Stew,

Just checking up on you. I'm glad you're keeping up with yous GAL activities and not focusing too much on your sitch. It's done some positive things for you so far (losing weight, W noticing, etc).

I agree with the others about what you saw the other day. It could just be a friendly thing they have. Until you see something else or something more then just take it like it is.

Good luck in the upcoming weeks. It's looking good so far for you.

Keep us posted.

Sounds great, Stew. Little baby steps. Don't put too much emphasis on the next few weeks as make or break. You'll most likely end up forcing too much and set yourself back.

That's the first time in a while she let you know when she was staying somewhere else in advance, isn't it?

Good job on the weight lost. 30 more pounds to go for me.

BD

Hey Stew

Happy to hear that the communication from W has stepped up. Like H said babysteps. Sounds like you have one heck of weekend coming up. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.

I have to laugh at all of you boys on here losing weight, I think its great for you all BTW...Since the separation I have been on an "anti-diet" no excercise, Ben & Jerry's, fast food. I have managed to gain 5lbs and look a lot healthier...at least none of my friends are trying to have anorexia intervention anymore lol.

Heimlich:



You are right. I have to try and remember this. No time period is going to make or break us, just some good old fashioned hard work.



You must have been paying attention because you are correct. Typically I get a text either right before she leaves work (after midnight) or some time in the early morning (if she goes out). It makes it easier if I know in advance if she is not coming home.



Yeah, it is amazing how much easier it is to lose weight when you actually exercise and eat in moderation.

WAW,

I gain weight just from reading the words, 'Ben and Jerrys'. Chubby Hubby and CHunky Monkey, mmmmmmmmmmm. I don't know about for the rest of the guys, but I've kindof felt sorry for my W being married to a fat guy (I'm 5'6", weigh just at 198 and I've LOST about 20 pounds in the last 3 months.) Plus, it's huge for the PMA. Tied my shoes the other day and didn't have to hold my breath!




Yeah, eat less/do more; who knew it'd actually work!

BD

Yes, contact between me and her has got much more frequent. I think that is indicative of how things have at least got a bit better. Yeah, I have been looking forward to this weekend for awhile. I will get to see a bunch of the old guys from college which is always a good time.



From what you went through, it is a good thing to put on a few pounds, and it is understandable that you acted the way you did with the things your H said to you. At the point where we are all at it is important that we become healthy both mentally and physically. Whether that means losing weight (in most of the guys' instances) or gaining weight (your situation) getting healthy is the main thing.

Going to really need to put my best PMA forward tonight and the next few days. Just got a text from W saying that she will not be sleeping home again tonight (she stayed out last night) and that she is going to the bar after work tonight. I am going to Ct. tomorrow so there is a chance that I won't see her for several days in a row now. I was thinking about going to Yankee game Saturday during the day and she has the baby shower in Ma on Sunday. There is a chance that I won't see her until Monday night after she gets off work. Oh well, not much I can do about it. Just would have liked to see her tonight since we won't be seeing eachother tomorrow or the next day or the next day.

My how the winds change. Felt pretty good about the situation up until about 15 minutes ago. I was just posting on BNP's thread about how things like this seemed to happen less frequently lately. Not much I can do, but it still sucks.

stewart,

they will keep happening, but like you noticed it will be less frequent. My w has not called today at all, she has been calling 3-4 times a day lately. I have S tonight, so I think it will go until tomorrow. Sucks, ya. But they need their space.

As for me, I've got an evening planned. Sounds like you'll have a great weekend, enjoy the bachelor party.