I completely understand everyone's advice for Hdog to just go and "not back down"BUT he would not really be backing down because he did NOT tell her he was going but rather asked her. And in that context, IF you ask, then you have to be prepared for an honest answer IMHO. Why else ask? And announcing you are going ahead with something after you asked does not send the best message for a marriage.
Hdog - I'd like to go spend the weekend with DL and see them [the band]
In this financial context, $200 is chickenfeed.
This might be true but as someone who is conscientious with money and has NEVER spent more than I earned, I have found myself in similar situations. After paying a large bill all of the sudden I get a bit freaked out about spending $100 on something for myself EVEN though I actually have the cash available. Is it rational? No but I still FEEL it.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Since this is a completely optional trip (No friend or family member in need and no family event), I think couples SHOULD make these decisions together.
Why? Because it builds a sense of working TOGETHER and creates and strengthens a BOND with a couple.
By discussing and resolving any complications, ie financial or scheduling snafus that might exist ...
Yep that's exactly how I see it being done. That's why I don't think the conversation is finished on this issue for either of them. There is still time for them to resolve the complications. I don't mean that each one has to be perfectly happy and content with the decision but they should feel like the major issues have been heard and dealt with as best as possible.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
"6) Since this is a completely optional trip (No friend or family member in need and no family event), I think couples SHOULD make these decisions together."
Now, if this were a trip that was going to cost $1000, yes...I would agree that in that case it probably should be a joint decision. However, many couples (such as my H and I) have a dollar limit to the financial decisions we can make without consulting the other. As has already been discussed...it's not that Hairdog and his wife are struggling, they aren't...this is a control issue (I believe). What I find interesting is that his wife isn't happy for Hairdog that he's getting the opportunity to do something for himself....so inexpensively. We all need to do things for ourselves every now and then.
I would never discuss a trip like this with my H...in fact, I've taken trips like this to see my best friend in NM and didn't discuss it with him. I simply picked a weekend I knew would be most convenient for my H (so as not to interfere with plans of his) and made my plans. The only thing I discussed with him was that the weekend I chose was indeed a good one for him (as far as keeping our son without any other conflicts would go....like things he wanted to get done outside the house and such.) One thing I did do though, was throw out an invite for him to go along if he wanted to....but he opted for me to have a mommy free weekend instead. Just some thoughts on that. But then perhaps THAT is what you mean by discuss?
Problem here is Fearless, Mrs. HD makes the decisions on everything. And she knows it.l
HD, I would say that I hope she understands and this is something that you really want to do...so much that you will not spend on something this month or maybe make more with your 2nd job to pay for it...go for it. And when she was buying those bottles of wine...the cost was alot more than that...I know...LOL.
I just don't think it is a big deal...if it were a great deal of money or put me in a pinch, then perhaps...we all need to have some sort of diversion from time to time.
Also I do remember that back in March your wife was very considerate about your desire to watch your beloved Jayhawks get beat in the tourney. I thought she even gave you a kiss and said she was sorry they lost. That does not sound like a heartless, unreasonable b1tch to me.
Yes, she does have her moments.
Originally Posted By: Crazy Eddie
1. What kind of crack is she smoking?
LOL No, her only vice is alcohol. With regard to your point about finances, I think a lot of her reaction to this is tied up in some of her abandonment issues (Oh god...here comes Cobra). She will go to N. Illinois, leaving me to "hold down the fort" while she visits her family, or she will leave me to "hold down the fort" while she goes on a three-day cancer walk, or a weekend residential retreat, but I am, dependably, always there. Holding down the fort, managing, always, there. I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I have left her to "hold down the fort" in the last four years, and all but one of those times was a business trip lasting, max, two days. The ONE time I was gone on a personal trip was to Tucson, when my friend got married. As I recall, we paid for that out of joint funds. I invited her to come, but she said no.
It was definitely "our" idea to redo the kitchen. Well, I wanted a stove to replace the one we have because the oven is broken. She kind of took that and ran with it, which is fine with me since I do the lion's share of cooking anyway. The trees? Well, that's just a necessary homeowner thing, so that was a joint decision. The decision to have me do the wall prep in the kitchen, well, that was mine, because I saw it as a way of saving money, providing sweat equity, and pride in ownership. I didn't expect big kudos from her for that, and haven't gotten any, but I only seem to care about her lack of kudos when she is criticizing me for being selfish, or for being lazy or distracted. I am current on my child support. It comes directly out of my paycheck, so she never touches it.
Mrs.Nop: she stopped drinking wine when she started her diet, which was on Sunday of this week. She was having 2-3 glasses each night up until then. Part of the way she justifies spending money on the food is that she won't be spending it on wine. My thinking: she has been on diets before and on stop-drinking-wine "binges." Neither lasts for too long. She was on Weight Watchers for several months in 2005, but eventually stopped that. She's given up wine/beer for, at most, a couple months at a time.
Unless she was drinking Maddog 5050 or Thunderbird, then the cost of nightly wine drinking was likely running close to $200 per month.
Have you ever verbally disagreed with her and taken a stand regarding budget, scheduling, housework, food, etc.? If you have, what was her response? If you haven't, why not?
yeah WE don't think it's that "big of deal" just like Ms Hdog doesn't think not making love is that "big of deal." We all have different priorities, opinions, interests, needs, etc. and just brushing someone else's concerns aside as not a big deal usually doesn't help things resolve in a good manner. That's a big communication problem that I don't think gets resolved by Hdog just ignoring his wife's issues. I don't mean that he has to treat her issues as reality. I just think that trying to listen to her would create a better environment for their marriage.
Problem here is Fearless, Mrs. HD makes the decisions on everything. And she knows it.
And Hdog contributed to this situation as equally as she did.
Hdog, do you tend to ask her "permission" and does she tend to just TELL you what she's doing? Did you and she make the decision about the puppy or did you just let her do it?
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
That's why I don't think the conversation is finished on this issue for either of them. There is still time for them to resolve the complications.
How do you foresee these complications being resolved? MsHdog: Spend the money on your kids, your wife, and then, if there is any left, yourself. Me: Spend the money on myself.
I think that see me back down on this issue will get her two things: 1. The satisfaction of having won the battle. 2. Yet another reason to have no respect for me, and no desire for me.
Fearless, touche...I do agree with you. As much as spouses dish this cr*p out, we accept it to some degree. HD has to stand up for himself at some point...he knows it. HD, you are too nice of a guy!
