ok so why do i let little things get me so upset? he is supposed to be here today to watch the kids so i can go to work. he is out of the house, but since i only work for four hours on wednesday and he has to go to work right when i get off it makes sense for him to just come here and hang out. not my favorite, cuz he hangs around this house like it is still his.
his girlfriend is giving him a ride here and picking him up because he is dropping his car off to get the tires done, something he should have done a LONG time ago, now they are bald.
he calls me to tell me, that he doesn't think he will be here in time for me to get to work on time, i tell him it is hard to say since i still have almost two hours to get to work. he is taking the car to a friends shop for a deal on tires and it is about 45 minutes away. Said he didn't think about the traffic. of course, he never thinks anymore.
i tell him to just call me when it gets closer to me being at work so i can let them know how late i will be, etc.
he then says, "I think i overspent in the account", I ask "have you been balancing your checkbook". he says no. all these years i have been the one to do all the banking, he was always very bad at not giving me receipts and telling me when he spent money, but i always left extra money in the account to account for that. when he moved out, we went down together and got a second joint account, but said it would be his. i am on it, in case i need to do something to it. we decided on how the money gets split, and he has more then enough to spend, but he is blowing it at the liquor store from what i can see. i remind him he has a seventy five dollar check to deposit and he says oh yeah (i gave it to him two weeks ago) and he asks me if i have his account number, or if i can do it.
AHHHH! he is never going to grow up.
So would it be against DB'ing to tell him that he moved out, he needs to not ask me about these things, and he needs to figure them out on his own, or do I just keep my mouth shut?
My other question is, I have to go to work today, where we all three work, myself, H, and the OW. and last week I told people, and it turned into the telephone game and he called me and yelled at me, and it got nasty. I now realize if I want any chance of reconciliation that I need to be quiet. So I just keep my mouth shut and not say anything. I am thinking I will just act as if. If anyone asks how I am doing, I say great, thanks for asking.
Doesn't hurt that I am on day two of my Lexapro and I can already feel a difference.
So would it be against DB'ing to tell him that he moved out, he needs to not ask me about these things, and he needs to figure them out on his own, or do I just keep my mouth shut?
I will ask you this; Do you want to be his mother or someone he considers an equal?
Originally Posted By: LeftInCali
I now realize if I want any chance of reconciliation that I need to be quiet. So I just keep my mouth shut and not say anything. I am thinking I will just act as if. If anyone asks how I am doing, I say great, thanks for asking.
Doesn't hurt that I am on day two of my Lexapro and I can already feel a difference.
Quiet? Where did you get that idea? Do not fear setting boundaries over the hopes of reconciliation. The sooner he figures out what life is going to be like without you the better for you. Somewhere along this process you may decide that he is not what you want after all.
SA you are right. I have always been the mother figure, and I am trying to deal with detaching from that role. He is not making it easy.
On the work issue I did not hide his secret and I got nasty texts telling me to shut the f#$k up. that it was no ones business. i told him it is not fair to tell me to keep his secret. but apparently there are "several" people at work saying that everytime they saw me i was commiserating with someone and telling everyone, which is not true, most everyone i spoke with already knew, but now i feel like i dont know who to trust?
Yeah i have learned that for sure. I just got back from work. Major drama. I overheard one of the managers calling the OW to work at the same time I am working tomorrow. I went to them and told them as per HR that she is not to work the same time as me. They did not know about it, called HR and I had to sit in the HR office and stand my ground that no, i will not work a different shift. It is bad enough she got my husband, and now she plays mom to my kids, this is one thing I am NOT budging on. So we decided that I would put in for some sick time (all I had left) and they would make up the difference so I do not have to work tomorrow.
It just sucks, they claim they can not make her transfer, yet I am the one they are asking to make changes to my schedule because she is a supervisor?
I also found out from someone today, that pretty much the whole store knows and they have known since before I came back from work. Because of their bahaviour at the company paid for baseball game. Apparently they thought no one was around and watching, and apparently people did see.
the baby is teething or something is going on, and he has been running fevers, and cranky. hardly got any sleep last night.
H still will not tell me when he is picking up kids, etc so again I am here at his mercy.
I am just feeling very overwhelmed with taking care of these kids and still try to work out of my house, and get my work done. I am way behind. The checkbook desperately needs to be balanced so I can pay bills, and the list goes on and on.
I am on the verge of a major meltdown right now, and all I want to do is call H and chew him out for putting me in this position.
I have not really set any goals, I am sort of confused on those. Other then I am just trying really hard to stick to TLR, so I guess you could say those are my goals.
Boundaries are something I am still working on, I just feel so alone in this whole thing, and I am feeling it very much so tonight.
Well, as for the goals, what are some things that you want to accomplish that are for you? Of course, you can make some goals for what you see happening, too but for now it is best to stick to the ones that focus on you.
Write down what you would like to do. Anything from a hobby to fitness, school, career, etc. Break them down into doable steps.
For instance and this is just an example.
Go back to school -talk to career counselor --make phone calls ---get transcripts made ----etc, etc
As for the boundaries. H is not showing up. Don't count on him and live like he isn't going to. If he so happens to show up. Show him that you were already doing your thing without him. If he questions it, just reply with a "sorry you feel that way" type of comment. Don't explain yourself or give an excuse or apologize.
