Thanks, guys, for the 2 x 4 I know what's right, I know what's happening and I am going to nip it in the bud immediately. It is very hard though, being lonely, vulnerable w/o H here, etc., but I'm glad I know better. Like I said, I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of a cheating spouse, not going to do it to my H or OM's W.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Why are you allowing this? I'm assuming that if he started texting and then moved to IM'ing that YOU are responding. If you are...you are now in an EA. So I repeat, why are you allowing this to happen?
ETA: Nevermind noticed that you sent an NC e-mail (if you haven't done that, you need to...or you run the risk of him thinking you just haven't had an opportunity to respond...make your position on this clear to him.) which is the thing to do.
It is very hard though, being lonely, vulnerable w/o H here, etc It can be like that "at times" living "with" a spouse who doesn't see "eye to eye" with you. At least BB and I do have some good times.
Last night I was commenting to BB about all the SO's away for a long time and it not feeling right to me but that is what has to happen to keep the country going.
There is a restored WWII plane in town and I remember hearing stories some guys didn't get to go home for several years. Many people sacrificed so many things.
My neighbor survived the Bataan Death March http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bataan_Death_March and my brother was on an aircraft carrier in the Pacific during WWII. Those men were away from 3 to 6 years.
Then we have folks like the 800~ pound man that complained the food was bad in an obesity treatment facility, where he gained weight.
I might be in the minority here, but I think you should mention to your H that this has been happening, and you have told him to stop. It has 2 benefits -- one, you are upfront and honest with H, and 2, it brings up the jealousy juices in H. Always a good thing for him to think others want you. And there is a third benfit. Men don't respect a "no" when it comes from a woman. If your husband tells him not to call you, it will stop.
GEL: I know it was wrong. In my defense, it only has happened 2 times -- the IM'ing, so it's not "full blown." I am going to stop it now.
Sara: I don't think I'm going to say anything to H. OM is married too. I'm going to stop it before it escalates and just leave it at that.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
And GEL, honestly, it got my juices flowing -- I'm lonely, bored, etc. w/o H here. Yes, I know it is and was wrong, and I'm deciding to do the right thing. I'm seriously NOT defending myself b/c I know it's wrong, I'm just being honest as to the WHY. I guess maybe it happened for me to see how easy it was for H to do it and now I understand a little bit better, I don't know. And, yes, I feel terribly guilty just w/ the little that happened and scared that H may find out. I'll now have to live w/ that. BUT, I'm now going to do the right thing.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
And, yes, I feel terribly guilty just w/ the little that happened and scared that H may find out. I'll now have to live w/ that. BUT, I'm now going to do the right thing.
Good for you. A conscious, purposeful decision not to engage in something you know is wrong is very admirable. Like NOPS said, your reaction to his advances is normal. Your decision to stop it is a reflection of your good character.
I understand you not wanting to say anything to H....however. How close of a "friend" is this guy to your H? He is no friend, that much is clear to me. If your H is in a position to be affected by this fact, I DO think you should tell him. If he was just an acquaintance, not so much. My opinion.
My H travels a lot. I know how it feels to be left alone to take care of things. It's lonely and it sucks. Just try to find peace in the fact that it won't be forever-look forward to your trip to see him and hopefully it will be downhill from there. Keep yourself busy, take care of yourself. You're doing great.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
FUNNY, FUNNY STORY!! Well, I asked H last night on webcam if we had texting on our cell plan b/c I didn't think we did and knew that the bill would be more. So I told him OM had texted me and I had texted him back.
H said he had been meaning to call OM and got on the phone right then and called him. He said "Hey, man, what's up w/ you harrassing my wife? Texting her and showing up at the house." Of course, he was kidding, but w/ what OM has been saying to me, I know OM was absolutely crapping his drawers!!
Anyway, I think the sitch was taken care of in a round about way
Also, I'm so much better too. I hadn't been able to talk or webcam H in a few days much and last night realized how much I truly love him so much!!! All is well that ends well. Lesson learned.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I'm glad you were able to tell H and glad he took it the way he did. It's so difficult to discuss those things when he is so far away. Hope OM doesn't say things back to H to break the trust he has for you! Good luck!
I know what's right, I know what's happening and I am going to nip it in the bud immediately. It is very hard though, being lonely, vulnerable w/o H here, etc., but I'm glad I know better. Like I said, I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of a cheating spouse, not going to do it to my H or OM's W.