Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again When's it my turn?

Sweet... that reminds me, I've been meaning to tell you. In response to your thread title, IT IS YOUR TURN NOW!!!

Oh, and I'm grateful you talked yourself out of leaving as I would terribly miss the colorful sense of humor you have. Julie crying is not a pretty sight.

SD please don't leave I would like to have you about for a bit loner .. a lot of the things you post are the things I've been thinking too .. like leaving the site (although I'm making less frequent trips these days and posting a bit less, and posting a lot more jokes).

I know what you mean about a new normal - it's like I've stopped scannnig the skies for the next bomb. I can also spot when my behaviour is less than kind to my H and change it (eg I snapped at him the other night, realised it and apologised 1 minute later).

Glad to hear LW thing is now fading - like the witch in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy pours water over her and she gets smaller and smaller, screeching "I'm melting! I'm melting!"

SD - wow, you sound so great. It's funny I was looking at your "time frame" from May 06 to August 07 and thinking that seems like such a long time. Then I remembered that comparatively speaking, you've gotten to this point pretty quickly. It sure reinforces the importance of patience!!

I'm glad you'll still post some too, your advice has helped me and so many others.

Ahhh I dream of the day when I'm not waiting for the next bomb... SD and Jen Jam, glad you've gotten there.

Got back from our trip laaaate last night. All in all, it was really great. A MUCH different way to spend our anniversary than a year ago. The place was fabulous! It's a farmhouse B & B on the ocean. H and I stayed in a cabin on the hillside that gave *us* a great view, but no one else could see or find. Huge deck, jacuzzi, outdoor waterbed, pine trees, ocean waves....ahhh. A really, really amazing place.

Two DB related things came up on this trip:

1. For whatever reason, I want to prove H wrong on like everything...well, actually, mostly little stuff. It's my next goal--let go of that competition and the need to be right. I figured this out while we were out hiking...the work is never done.

2. H has a hard time really LISTENING to other people, not just me. He actually snapped at me when, after the 5th time saying something to him, I put a little emphasis in my voice. I just cried...and then we talked it out. I told him about how frustrated I get when he doesn't listen to what I say and either tunes it out completely OR decides I actually mean something else. The latter drives me NUTS...because I'm an incredibly direct person. I say what I mean. Anyway, H told me, "That's just me, that's how I do things. I don't know how to change."

And on the inside, I wanted to scream at him, "What the f*ck do you think *I* had to do?" But I didn't. I told him that I realized I have to change how I feel about what he does, but that if he does want to change that habit (because he does it to everyone), he can just by being conscious of it and starting to recognize when it happens. No lingering drama after that...great make up sex and a continued good time.

So, all in all it went well.

SD

Hey sweets. Love to see there was great make up sex involved. Makes everything better. You're just so fab at self-analysis and doing such a great job of being aware and in perpetual motion toward improvement. Wanted to tell you great job and keep up the great work. Looking good, chica.

Sounds like a GREAT trip SD, I'm happy for you!!

Glad you talked it all out, too.

Hey another parallel, my H does the same thing (ignores me and/or decides what he's pretty sure I meant to say). Can be aggravating, can't it? Good job recognizing it and suggesting it to him but not trying to "make" him change it. You're an inspiration (in case I hadn't mentioned it lately).

So...today's my birthday. I've never been a big birthday person, so mellow is usually the way I roll. Overall, it's been good. H made me breakfast, took me out to a movie, bought me gelato, and is now changing my flat tire. My gift is coming sometime later this week (he's always been very thoughtful, so I know it's something cool he ordered), and we're going to go out to dinner sometime later this week when his brother and gf are in town.

The test though...it was the card he gave me.

This card was one I found while I was snooping last summer. A card I know was intended for LW. The card that, as long as I could still find it in his stuff, meant he hadn't sent her the letters he'd been writing.

So, I could look at it two ways. H gave me a used card b/c he didn't have the time/energy/??? to get another one. It's disrespectful given who it was intended for in the first place.

OR...

H loves this card and what the picture represents. H is so over LW that the card is SO not about her, but about me.

Guess which one I choose? Yeah, #2. He wrote some wonderful things in it...about loving me and loving to spend time with me, about how passionate and beautiful I am...good stuff.

It's been a good day, despite a little MLC flavor on my part. I'm now the ripe old age of 38 , and I feel like there's so much still left undone.

SD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET GIRL!!!! Ah, the ripe old age of 38... thought I smelled something blowing in from the West. Sounds like you enjoyed your day and I like the choice you've made. You're awesome, SD!

Enjoy your week!

Happy Birthday, SD!!!!

It is still your birthday here where the west coast girls live. Things sound good for you. You SO deserve that. May this be your best year yet. Cheers.

Happy Birthday SD

Glad you've chosen to make it a good one