Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? I think I am in Over My Head...

Irish, I'm sorry, I really don't know the legalities, either. have you talked to a lawyer? they will usually do a free consult...get all your questions together and take find out who in your area is a good divorce atty and call. I was able to schedule a meeting over the phone (with 2 different lawyers) because with the kids its hard for me to actually go somewhere like that.

H and I are separated, but we aren't legally separated. we are essentially living 2 separate lives, but other than that, nothing else has changed so far. right now, I still pay all the bills (even his personal ones) and he still makes all the money (checks are still auto-deposited into our joint acct). I don't have a lot of the same questions you do, so I feel like I'm being no help here.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. it is such a scary time, and such a hurt filled place to be in. I think about our anniversary (in october) and the holidays a lot lately...probably because they are some of the few things I have control over. they do make me sad, though, very sad. I'm working on visualizing the good that I can turn them into. I'll be very sad when h isn't here for christmas, and when my kids are with him for thanksgiving. but I'll find a way to find happiness, even thought things aren't the way I would choose them. hope you can, too.

take care.

Hi Irish, I am so sorry for your day.

Why can't you fight for the house? That is your daughter's home, and yours. I would see an attorney to prevent more debt happening while this is going no. I would start putting things in writing. If he gets defensive, tell him you are just protecting yourself and daughter, and nothing is 'written in stone'.

I am so sorry!!

Hey Irish, I just decided to file for legal separation. I noticed my county has free or low cost mediation. It is preferable now to go to mefiation and keep matters of custody out of the courts. It is deemed in the best interest of the child. Perhaps your county has something like that on their website. I still have not filed because I have one more duck to put in its row. I want to make sure I can move with my kids in case I get a job out of state. Don't get in an uproar but I am starting to fear what my H is actually capable of. I am not thinking of keeping th ekids from my H but I read I could move more easily if we were just married folks. He would just have to leave his drug buddies and insidious life style and follow us to a less expensive place I guess.

I am not sure but I also saw a form for child support. Judgs often want the children to stay in the stable home where they have been residing. You may be able to save your home. I will. I do not want yet another upheaval for my kids, but I will move if I get this job because I will be free at last.

Wow! thanks so much everyone. I have talked to a lawyer focused on collaborative family law which is a cross between mediation and "normal" family law. It's defined as "a dignified, cooperative approach to negotiating and settling the issues arising from a family separation without going to court. Separated spouses, with the assistance of specially trained family law lawyers, negotiate their issues, as they define them, in a controlled, safe, and respectful setting." I know some states in the US have it as well. I decided last night to let him lead this decision as I feel if I decide on legal separation then I am making the decision to separate which I do not want. I won't sell the house or anything without a legal agreement though as I think that would be wrong for DD. I can not thank all of you enough for your words and opinions. I keep praying but it is so hard to keep the hope up yet I just can't give up. Thinking of all of you. God bless