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Nomopo - I loved reading your post. Tnx much for the support.

Nomopo, what bothers me about you is that you are talking about me like I'm an internet Troll, someone who just says stuff to get a stir. This is not the case. Usually, other than the age comments, my posts have meaning and sometimes get straight to the point. As far as my set of religious views, set of moral principles, you can not fault me for expression my opinion. Frankly, since the majority of MARRIAGES ON HERE WERE CHRISTIAN IN ORIGIN, then me mentioning Christianity is not out of line. You also can't judge me as a Christian for my behavior, because you are blowing things I say out of context. If I tell stillme if she wants to hookup to make her husband jealous, I'm saying it out of humor and YOU are the one filling in the blanks.

BK
I have been reading through some of your comments and yes, you get straight to the pt.

I dont think anyone here faults you for anything, especially Christian viewpt.

I dont think it is just me saying that sometimes it is hard to read your meaning on the humor part. I know I am tell it like it is guy myself and my humor sometimes is misinterpreted.

Just a thought.

BK,

I think your last comment is directed toward me and not Nomo, because it was me that brought it up. And it wasn't just the fact that you made that comment to stillme that raised my eyebrows. It was that you made it twice, word for word, without any other comment about her sitch, how she was doing, etc. It seemed purely unpure and less than Christian of you. Also, if I would've seen any other comments at all from you on still's thread, I might've thought differently about the statement you had made. However, that just wasn't the case and thus it seemed out of place.

I think I was likely too harsh toward you on Sandi2's thread about that comment, but Nomo is right in what you seem to post and who you seem to post to. Quite honestly, I strongly question your Christian faith and moral principles, but mostly because of the way you tend to address people and their sitches here. I know that my comments to you on Sandi's thread were less than desireable, but I can't imagine a man of serious faith retaliating with name calling such as "idiot," "prick," and "sorry ass," the way you did me (and those kinds of statements can't be taken out of context). Couple that with the insincere, "strip-'em-down-and-hose-off-the-impurities" type of posting you do to people (in particular, newbies) who may have made some poor choices -- or choices you personally disagree with -- causes you to come across as crass at best.

Like Nomo said, if you would empathize with people and put some actual time and consideration into your posts to them, the fact that you really do care will show. It's easier for a person to accept and understand the humor you claim to be using once you've established relationships with them first. Otherwise it just seems a little hurtful. Please take this all into consideration. I would love to wipe the slate clean with you, Brandon, and would love to see your opinions more often and presented in a way that shows the compassion I'm sure you have for people and their struggles.

Hi Larry. Welcome to the boards. So sorry to find you here. But take heart that you are among friends. I'm basically a newbie here also. I find that most of our situations have one or two things in common. Please feel free to vent here, journal your experiences and ask questions.

I'm glad that you are taking care of yourself. Your sitch with your W is the only thing that you cannot control. However you can control yourself, your health, your relationship with your kids and in-laws and that's the most important thing. YOU.

One thing I found out from reading the threads here is that if I work on myself, strengthened my relationship with my children, with my MIL, with my co-workers, etc. then I am so much better already. Having the W back and free from whatever funk she is or was on is icing on the cake. But, until then I will try my very best to make her see and realize what she is giving up on.

I might be able to help you with your tennis - I play regularly and I live in Irvine. Do you fish? I've always wanted to take the kids fishing but don't know how or how to get started.

Good luck.

Bakit - Thanks for your story and advice. Glad you're still together.

Yes, I definitely am working on myself. After I get back up to speed, we should get together for tennis (sorry, I don't fish).

Gone Dancin, is not for you to judge me weather I am acting like a Chrstian. I am a normal human and not Christ.

Larry - so sorry for the hijack here. I will not contribute to that any more. It's not fair to you.

How are you doing today?

Nomo

Nomo -

Thanks for asking. I am in more pain than ever, contemplating W's upcoming romantic weekend with om while I take our children to Seaworld. This is after she took my D for a day out with om on Sunday. At the same time, she is pushing me hard to get the paperwork done for our divorce.

It's like I don't know her anymore. I'm scared because I am starting to actively hate her, and that can't be good. So far, I've maintained a positive DB facade in all my contacts with her, but I don't know how long I can keep it up.

What DR and others have said seems to be true. A person in an affair is just like a drug addict. It seems for her, that nothing, not family, friends, self esteem, or core values are as important as that next fix.

Grateful for your caring.

Larry

Hi Larry. I am very sorry about the pain. We can all relate. Trust me that it will ease, but it takes time. Just accept it, and know that it gets better.



I know this is hard, but you have to try not to think about it. Just accept that you cannot control your W, she is going to make whatever decisions she is going to make, and take whatever actions she is going to take, so try not to worry about it. It is VERY HARD, but over time you will be able to detach from the sitch more. You have to let her go, meaning accept that you cannot control her. It is what it is, and all you can focus on is you, your kids, what you do and how you react to her (and everything).



If I were you, given that you don't want a D, I would not take one step to advance a D or a S. You can tell her that you do not want a D, but you will not stand in her way if she wants to proceed. And leave it at that. Don't push her to do it either, but just politely and calmly state that this is not what you want (and then don't do anything).

Are you currently doing anything to make a D happen? What sepcific things has she asked you to do? Have you agreed to anything? Even if you have, there is a graceful way to retract such agreements. I did (with advice from others here).



Yes, we all feel that way at some point. That is why we refer to aliens. It's like an alien abducted her. You have to realize that there is hope, but it will likely take a long long time. This is especially true where there are OPs, and there is no guarantee she will ever come back. But for now, try to wrap your mind around the fact that this will likely be months as opposed to weeks or days. Doing that has helped me be more patient, which is KEY.



No, but it's normal. Look, you can't control her, but you can control yourself and how you react to her. Ask yourself how you want to handle this situation, given all the sad facts. Do you want to hate her? Do you want to be bitter and hold a grudge? These are tough things to answer given how fresh it is, but in time I suspect you will decide what kind of person you want to be given the circumstances, and that will be your roadmap. Also, check out Michele's article on the home page on Forgiveness. It's early, but it wouldn't hurt to start thinking about it. Forgiveness is for you.



Facade is ok. There's a saying around here - fake it untit you make it. Eventually, you really will feel more positive despite this crap storm. Just hang in there. You can do it, and keep posting.



Yes. And statistics show that the As usually don't last. Time is on your side. You need to wait this out, and don't do anything to help her fast track the D. Just sit back and wait. Again, time is your greatest asset/ally now.

Larry, I really think the key for you right now is the same as your WAW. Time and space. You also need time to focus on you and what you can control. And you need space away form the toxic sitch to get your emotions under control and to let her strong emotions subside. What can you do for you and/or your kids to get your mind off of things? Exercise? Bike rides? Movies? Anything to GAL. GAL helps so much with the patience.

Hang in friend,
Nomo