Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Just looking for advice

I'd Say NO.

Not right now.
Tell her you've been reading, (You HAVE gotten DB or DR right) and talking to some people. I think it is to soon to give away your secrets so to speak.

My thought is that right now this is for you and its a place you can come and ask questions and say things that you wouldn't say in her presence. Not that you are berating (sp) her, but you are able to put out your true feelings without judgement or worry. You/we need a place to vent sometimes where it is just for you/us.

Anyone else agree

Also, since the questions are being so wonderfully answered, Should I tell friends and family about this, more so in our circle where it is taking place to expose them, or is that just mean spirited and counter productive,

Henrik

This being the A, or This being that y'all are having trouble?

I would say that close friends and family know that you are having trouble already but it wouldn't hurt anything to acknowledge it. This may let them know you're willing to discuss it.

I would not bring up the affair. The reason I say this is because this is still very new to you and you don't know where things will end up. If she starts telling people that's one thing, but if you do it can be misinterpreted as trying to lash out.
Also if everything starts working out, the fact that less people know may be one less outside pressure to overcome.

But, that's just my opinion. I'm sure others view it differently.

Steel

in regards to details - really - don't ask. It can be detrimental. You think it is worse in your imagination, but the details sometimes can't be handled.....

in regards to sharing the board, I would possibly tell her you found this messageboard that you've been reading but I kind of liked the anoymity (sp) I had before H found the board - and some things said might hurt them without meaning to...

in regards to telling family - I'd vote no. If you're wanting to save your marriage, you don't want them looking at either of you differently...and they will. Find a good friend (one) that you trust and talk to them about it.

Henrik-
Having been where you are now, I can tell you that I agree with everything that you are being told. No need for me to repeat... suggest you heed the advice above..

Mark

Good Morning Everyone,

Still here, actually slept a little last night. Bought DB and what a splendid book it appears to be, probably have to read it again and again. Off to the cottage for the weekend, so we can have space and fresh air. No idea what the emotions will be, but we shall see.

I can say that I will be one fit man when this is all done. It really clears the head to sprint or do something physical. I guess it is good to breathe out the all the bad energy as well.

Just blabbering, probably because I am lonely,

Thanks to all and Have a Great Weekend,

Henrik

I just realised that I am heading to New York on an overnnighter next week, should I be concerned and ask her to stay at home or what,

This all creepy,

Henrik

is she supposed to go with you?

No it is my business trip, she usually would always want to keep them short and sweet,

It is amazing how feeble and fragile the mind is.

Henrik

Well eventually you will have to trust her. Uncderstandably, that will be hard.....and it will take time. It's a leap of faith.

Has she cut ties with om? If she wants to make this work with you, she will do what she has to to ensure you CAN trust her again but it will take time.

I don't think you asking her to stay home would go over very well - but maybe you could elaborate more on that....