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Thanks christa!


Did you think you did not and could not love him anymore, or was it that you loved him but couldn't live with the type of R you had anymore?



Was it a conscious choice of yours to focus on the good times instead of the bad ones, or did it just start naturally happening more? Also did you start fantasizing about a new R with H that was wonderful and what you both would want?

Thanks for taking the time to help me out -- you've been very helpful!!! (((christa)))


Okay everyone, found a cute charm/key chain in the form of a cell phone to give the W. I had a hell of a time finding one (googled all sorts of stuff and only found two!). The one I found I liked the best is unbelievable, and unfortunately is reflected in the price. Here is what it looks like: cell phone I'm afraid that it will seem a little over the top, but really couldn't resist. I'm having it shipped overnight so I can put it with her mail when she picks up the kids on Friday. I think I'm going to put it in an envelope, and have it attached to a cute piece of stationary (or a cute blank card) that says, "Just want tell you how sorry I am that I didn't call you about the raft trip. This is to let you know that I won't forget next time (or the next, or the next, ...) GD."

What do you think? Any constructive criticism? Something else I could say, a way to say it better, etc? Think she will respond favorably to it?

Thanks all,

GD

It was really never about being love or not...my H and I were not seeing eye to eye about so many things it was just becoming so overwhelming to me. When I would come home from work (12 hours in a hospital...13 by the time all was said and done plus a 45 min commute one way) he would be in the garage drinking...and I would say hi, he would say hi...then we would just go about our ways...me shower and bed (by this time we were sleeping in seperate beds) he would stay in the garage drinking until he was either too tired or drunk...He also was a slob so after work, I would clean up after him....I was just tired...and there absolutely ZILCH communication...hello each morning, and each evening....that was it. So to answer your question...I couldn't live with our R in the shape that it was in. We had tried counseling but he dropped out...and then he went to a party and ended up getting a ride home from another women (ironically the girl he is dating now) I also found some texts back and forth between them towards the end of the things....it just plain got ugly!! So after time apart it's just like I woke up, and I slowly think he might be waking up...just wish he would hurry it up a little ya know!!! LIMBO LAND sucks!! Thank god for you guys...

As for the feelings...they just naturally started to come back, it was like a whirlwind. One night we text back and forth, then another night, then another night, and then another. Finally I said lets have drinks and talk...that is when I asked if he really wanted the D...he almost broke down in tears in the bar...and now here we are...total role reversal. I have no clue where all of this is going to lead. He is still seeing the OW...still talks to me....I truly believe she is just a pacifer!!! he hates absolutly hates to be alone...and also moves at the pace of a turtle. So we shall see where the road leads!!

As for you my friend...I hope those tears were like mine...tears of seeing you having a good time and her thinking what the hell have I done. I will say a prayer in hopes that is what they were.

The charm looks good, and the plan with the note, leaving Fri., etc. all sound good.

Hey, you gonna call or email me soon?

Nomo

Thanks christa -- any thoughts from a WAW's POV on the cell phone charm I just got and posted about?

Nomo,

Just remembered that I needed to get back to you a few minutes ago. I haven't even checked my email yet. I'll do it now.

Thanks for the feedback on the charm -- I'm concerned it's a little too much, but I guess cheap would seem, well, cheap.

GD

Charm idea...way cute I think it would be a positive

Gosh GD! I dont think my H has ever spent that much$ on me!! This is including the wedding ring I had to put on my credit card!!
I think she will love it!!!

Thanks for the feedback christa and chicki!

chicki,

My concern is that she will see the beautiful charm as me trying to "buy" her affection and love back. Hopefully she will see the symbolism behind it and appreciate the thought and sincerity that it demonstrates, which will hopefully dissolve any thoughts that I'm buying her love. I've always gotten her very nice things in the past thinking that high quality and high priced gifts were the way to go instead of buying things that she would really enjoy/appreciate and see as a reflection of my understanding of what is important to her. I don't believe that she cares so much for the price of the gift anymore. For example, on our anniversary trip to Vegas that I surprised her with last year, I gave her a beautiful diamond necklace and diamond earrings to match. The earrings were 5 grand alone, which I of course never told her and still don't think she knows. I then tried to get her to go out and shop for a dress to match them and to go out for dinner in that night. Well, she declined and said she didn't want to do that. After the separation, I found out from W's stepmom that W told her that she would've rather had a ring than the earrings. I was so repulsed by that comment when I heard about it, but in reflection I see that I was getting her what I thought would be nice, rather than thinking about what she would like and appreciate. It wasn't about the quality of the gift, it was about knowing what she would like. I'm not saying that her saying what she said to her stepmom was right, but it told me alot about gift giving to my W.

Thanks again -- I don't know if she'll "love it," -- I just hope that she'll appreciate and respect the thought behind it (the beauty is just icing on the cake). If she is irritated with me for it, I'm going to be so bummed... I'm a little afraid this show of pursuing will chase her right back into the castle.

GD

I emailed you back, Nomo.

GD

Will you be there when she gets it? Anyway to avoid being there when she gets it? If not, just prepare your best poker face and let it slide off.



And if she runs back to the castle, you stay at your picnic. I know you know that. If nothing else, this is an info-gathering mission. It's a search for solutions. You'll learn something one way or another.

GD [/quote]