Re Car seats- It pisses me off so I told him to buy his own set to keep in his car. Why would he take them out between switching? That infuriates me. He is either lying about being a dad or he feels guilty everytime he sees those seats or they have no place to rendezvous exceptthe back seat. Adultery makes you think of all these terrible thoughts and scenarios!
yeah, but keep in mind, the goldfish will give him away. seriously, my kids are rarely allowed to eat in my car, but omg, I always find goldfish in the weirdest places.
789, okay, okay, I hear what you all are saying. this too shall pass, right?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I know you take an emotional hit...a hard on at that when your S leaves you...especially for an OM/OW...but trust me when I tell you that looking for someone else to fill that need and heal those wounds isn't what you really NEED...
Totally! I think it can just mess you up (and your kids too, if they're young enough to be affected)
I met my current H one month after I divorced first H.
(First H and I had been separated for 3 years (during which time I was a SAHM and he had numerous GF's)(read: celibacy for me for 3+years) so I rationalized that the D was a formality and that under the circumstances I was ready for a new R, even though the ink on the decree wasn't yet dry.)
Big mistake.
What I needed was time to heal, grow, etc. etc. Instead, I jumped into a new R with a man whose most compelling quality was that he was soooo not like my XH. (Plus, there was that sex thing...)
I read somewhere that it's no different than recovering from widowhood - we need time to heal and regroup. Even if we do meet someone wonderful soon afterwards, we're just too wobbly to see other people clearly and make clear decisions about new R's.
I've learned that if you are making even silent comparisons of new person to your X, then it means you're not seeing the new person with clear eyes. Which is not fair to the new person either. We need more time.
And, based on what I'm reading and hearing, that translates to at least a YEAR.
Hey, floor scrubbing can be a somewhat, meditative experience, right??
Yes it does suck...and yes I thought I would go out of my mind too...as I mentioned I was/am HD...I had not been without sex since I was 15ish!!!...my H and I were ML (or he was going through some great motions of it anyway)up until 3 days before he SUDDENLY LEFT...and we had been at my neices wedding that same day and all lovey dovey so I was ready for him when he came home...except!!!....he never came home...so talk about left hanging!
I know how hard this all is but really the more you concentrate on the other more important things...like who you really want to be...how you really need to be helping your kids with this...what you want to do to make all things better...sex will take a back burner...it won't go out...you won't forget...but the "tension" will ease...
Even though my H was the one to leave, gave me NO HINT that he would even CONSIDER returning, I kept DB'ing as best I could....because while he did commit adultery to free me (gee what a great guy huh?) if I had moved on to another R I know for a fact and without a doubt (mainly because I know him and we did discuss this later) that my H would have dropped everything right there and let me go...he would have never looked back...and even if I would have come to my senses he would have probably shut his own door for good...
Maybe not all H's are like mine...but I am glad that I had very little to feel guilty over when all was said and done...and the things I did feel guilt over H was quick to let go...he, however, is still dealing with his issues as am I...it is getting better...he is getting better...and I know my children are happier with him here then the couple of "prospects" that I was flirting with the idea of flirting with...one of which remarried quickly after his own D and the other showed himself to be someone that I wasn't interested in...but only after I made the decision I wasn't interested because I was still doing the comparison thing that someone else mentioned...and I realized on my own I was not ready...
Wanting sex...even NEEDING sex is not a good reason to involve someone else in your problems...as much as it seems like it would cure all your anxieties and woes...it really just creates more...look around at any single friends you have and REALLY listen...it isn't a fun world out there...and I am really relieved I didn't fall into it...
I know many of you see NO HOPE...and as I have stated many times here...my H gave me NONE...you can't judge the reconciliation factor of your M by what you see now...I gave up hope so many times it wasn't even funny...I was the one to file for D...not once but twice...WAS's and MLC'ers usually look back as quickly as they leave...without much fan faire and without much notice...
When my H looked back for the first time and I realized what was happening I took the DB'ing techniques to heart and within a month I knew things were changing and he was thinking...
Oh yeah, he had come to visit before, called me, taken me out...but I could tell those were all more for pitty then for him thinking about reconciling...it is quick...it is different...but if you are caught up in someone else...even emotionally you might very well miss the one opportunity...
Lin, we really do need to hear this. Thank you for sharing. I was a half celibate during my marriage for the last three years! And now that he is gone I have never felt sexier. It seems true what they say about women in their thirties being like men in their late teens! Maybe in a weird way I did stay a little heavy to avoid having sex with him. Maybe I did keep our bed in a manner that was not romantic. Maybe I did use motherhood as a mechanism for avoidance. I dunno. I need a therapist on that one. The thing is thath we started to live as roommates, as friends, as coparents, dare I say as siblings. Now, that he is gone I do fantasize about other men, but also about him, unfortunately. It is hard because now I have to deal with him being with a much younger and less stable woman and perhaps even men. I still haven't cleared the whole Brokeback thing up? Anywho, I feel caught between a rock and a hard place. Of course I want to stay married to my best friend and the father of my children. I know that is best, but he is so far gone that my unconditional love is starting to look foolish. 789- I also work with a lot of older women at one site and much younger men at another. I always joked that I had the worst job to meet men so I was glad not to be single. Well, here I am and I think I need a career change!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
And now that he is gone I have never felt sexier. It seems true what they say about women in their thirties being like men in their late teens
Please mkultra I really don't want to be thinking about my mid-thirties WAW in that context! I haven't a clue what's she's up to. (Said half in jest, half in fear).
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
OK its been over a year for me so I'm ready to cash in my reward points now lol
Location: SoCal Age: 32 Marginally humorous, considerably horny, will pass for a handsome guy. I like deep conversations, in fact, you can come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up? Any takers ?!? LOL
Me: 32|W: 34|D: 3yo 1st bomb: Feb 2006 (left one day, came back a week later) 2nd bomb: Aug 2006 (moved out, ILYBNILWY) 3rd bomb: Apr 2007 (filed for divorce) 4th bomb: <her finger on the launch button>
