Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? coping with abstinence???

Funny, my problem is the lack of 'it' since our reconciliation! While DB'ing, it was all the time, and now, hardly ever. Piecing sucks! After MLC and reconciliation (if you're lucky, and I'm not sure if you are one way or the other), they go into depression, and the LBS has to put up with that then. This is a process that can take years ... so far, for me, it's been 3 years. First DB'ing, then 2 years Piecing, and lack of intimacy and ML. Sure, there is the kiss hullo and goodbye, and the odd hug, and we hold hands when we go out. But, I want more! Okay, vent over!

I am giving my H space now ... again ... to sort himself out re the depression which seems worse because of his job sitch, and other peripheral stuff. Ugh!

Oh well, I should be grateful, and I am to a certain degree, but getting less so as the months go by, and nothing really changes, except me (and, that may be the problem ... I was used to the little I got out of our M before the A, but now that I have worked on myself, and happy with me, I want and expect more.)

I guess, timing is everything.

BeingMe...

Well I got NONE while DB'ing...and some after reconciling...but between the depression and meds that cause ED...well lets say it is always a challenge...

It has gotten better since he is being treated for depression...but when it isn't gonna work not even a double dose of Viagra works...

Getting the closeness back takes time...H has been home almost a year and half...I have to initiate if I want it...I think maybe 3 times he has...but we are still working on things...at least he can reply that he "loves" me too...this is huge as that has only been the past 4 months...

Maybe H needs to get some treatment for depression...if you can talk to his doctor and see if he will talk to him when he goes in...this his what I did to get the ball rolling...

take care...Lin

I am meeting with friends this weekend. I am very excited about a certain friend who is coming. Should I leave my wedding ring at home. I never wear it but sometimes I do when I go out to avoid getting hit on. I am not ready to fall in love but I am not sure what is the healthiest thing to do? I have been in Mommy mode for ages!

I have asked my H to seek help, and he doesn't think he needs it, so I am giving him his space to deal with whatever is stressing him. I don't want to get on the merry-go-round of dealing with his sitch, but he knows I am here if he needs to talk.

mkultra - whether you leave your ring on or not, is up to you. You sound almost breathless with excitement, so don't get your expectations too high, only to have it dashed. Whatever you decide, I hope you have fun.

I also asked my H to seek help for his depression. I honestly think it is like a chicken/ egg sitch. Is he having an affair to help him cope with MLC depression or is he suffering from guilt of being a super jerk because of the affair? I dunno and he is so far into MLC and lost in misery. I actually did a little cleaning/ snooping and found a lot of his poetry. Very telling but old.

Jack, how do you meet women and how did your W find out about you dating?

running club, gym and friends.

She came over to the house when a woman was there and she freaked out. She was a wreck for a week or two, lost 10 lbs (sound familiar…), couldn’t sleep, was crying…

She even confronted the girl at the gym and told her that I still loved her (W). Of course all of this made me come around and pour my heart out that I was dating because I was moving on like she had asked me to do over and over again. I told her the road back to her had been blocked for a year, but if she was opening the path I would come that way with all my heat and soul. This made her feel confident again and of course she just moved on. She had successfully opened my ½ healed wound and allowed me to feel the immense pain all over again.

So she needs to read DR big time, too. I bet she would try to save the marriage and do a 180.

I bet she would try to save the marriage and do a 180.
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then you would bet wrong. We are filing this week. She calls me 2-3 times a day (yesterday was to tell me S10 could a big trout, to tell me they were leaving the beach, to ask me about S 10's baseball schedule for today and to tell me how well S 4 was swimming) now I get the kids 50% of the time so I would have heard all these things.

They stopped by my house on the way home and the kids played and we talked about the week coming up and other small talk for 30-40 minutes. It is this way 90% of the time since the day she left (June 06) but none of it brings her a step closer to me...

Aren't those calls ways of trying to talk to you? Why does she respond like that?