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I could really use some advice on the car thing I posted a couple of spots up.

I wish I could give you advice on the car thing. But instead I just wanted to get your thoughts on the direction you took. Did you consider staying home and asking (or waiting for her) to move out? Afterall, this is her thing and wouldn't you want to hold your family together with this kids? And wouldn't being in the same house (at least until your W left) show her the changes that you've made? I'm struggling with this same issue myself. Thanks for your comments.

Iamworththetime,

I think you are asking advice on the car, or are you asking on moving out. Let me offer this first off since people are dynamic in nature no one other than God can tell us if the decisions we make are right or wrong.

I recommend taking time to reflect on where you want to be and what you are willing to do to get there? If you think divorcing and then trying to reconcile is the answer then it sounds like letting go and moving on is good for now!

Perhaps though since you have moved out; I am guessing from what I read you moved out to help her answer what she will do when I am not there? Her answer is the only thing she can go on. She probably feels lost, hurt, alone (in laws thing) and even if her heart tells her she wants to R. she can't because it will feel like it his her fault and he left not me. (My W. is kind of in the same boat). If I missed that she asked you to leave I apologize for this summary.

In my situation I asked to move back in because she and I work shifts and I did not want to disrupt my S's life even though we were having issues. It hasn't hurt anything although some days are tougher than others. Long story short if you love her and want to be a whole family again I would try to manuever a way back into the house and it will take an extreme amount of patience and pride swallowing.

If my answer is a tangent I apologize send me another with the reaction you made and I will give you my two cents. But be forwarned my advice is only worth two cents.

Best Regards

My attny advised me to move out, I have been in the home for two months dbing, she requested through her attny that I move out. Of course I don't want to disrupt my family, I'm not the one that filed for the D and she knows how I feel. I'm not moving on, I', detaching with love, I cannot force her to reconcile so I told her that I loved her and want her to be happy and if that means letting her go (like she asked me too several times) then ok. I'm still going to talk to her on Monday and I am going to reitterate that I love her, but still don;t want the D, but I want her to be happy. The hug she asked me for this morning took me by surprise. Actually I think seperating is what we need, the tension in the house has been unbearable and I know my kids sense it.

Thgis is what I think, and I did pray on this and I feel more peace now then I have for the last 6 months.

Okay,

I got it you moved out because the tension was bad. I agree you did the best thing. Be there but don't chase, sounds like she wants to love again but doesn't know how. It takes a while for the person wanting out to figure out their feelings. Chances are if you make changes and focus on the kids and yourself she will come around. I would drag my feet on the divorce thing if you could help it! Give it time, sounds like she is trying to come to terms with things.

Here is what I went through, thought it was over my feelings were dead, next I have to get out of here I can't take the pressure. Then what am I doing I love my W. and family and don't want to lose them. I move back in to find that my wife may not want to be with me anymore and doesn't feel she can talk to me. I love you but I am not in love with you! Anyway point being it takes some time for the WAS to figure out what they want.

Although you moved out she is still the WAW. To answer the question though you did the right thing.

Believe me when I say that I'm not chaing, begging, pleading, crying , or anything like that, I haven't done that since the bomb dropped on 06/13. I have been upbeat and friendly with her at all times, never have I gotten angry with her because I am infact NOT angry at her, hurt yes, angry no. I'm more worried about her than anything, I believe that she is going through a MLC right now and this needs to run its course, but I have to protect myself also. She has a lot of anger at me, but not only me, her parents too, she has issues with them trying to control her all of her life. On the advice of my attny I put in my response to her petition for divorce that I would be willing to pay for a private counselor for her, not a marriage couselor, but her own couselor, I think she needs to talk to someone, and I know she feels this too because she has stated as much and did indeed go to a counselor one tiome before I mucked that up in my pre-dbing days. One day she will do what you did and wake up and say "WTF did I do?" I just hope I'm still available when she does that. I'm not going to get in a serious relationship after the D for at least 1-2 years because I want to fix whats wrong with me before I even THINk about that, this is my 2nd marriage and if I ever get married again to someone other than her, then I do NOT want to be a 3 time loser.

I do want you to know that I very deeply appreciate your responses to my questions.

I was going to do this, and she knew it, her attny told her that I would mosrt likely do it. I decided to let her go because I love her and if it makes her happy for now to be without me then I love her enough to make that sacrifice, it hurts like hell, but I feel it's what she needs to heal before she can even begin to consider the fact that she still loves me, and deep down I know she still does.

For what it's worth, I came to the same conclusion as you about the D. Blocking/dragging feet was only going to push my W away. I'm not happy about it, and she knows that I don't want a D, but I realized that standing in the way of the D process was going to hurt my chances of making this work rather than help.

Not looking forward to our mediation apt. Holding onto the slim hope that she held out of 'We can always cancel it' after it's scheduled.

BD