Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy I think I want to give up. HELP!!!

Update:

Went to brother's party last night, had a lot of fun. W didn't show up until 1130, but party was still going on. Brother had been talking to me during the night saying that W doesn't deserve me because she continues with OM right in front of my face. It is getting angry. when she shows up, he is very cold with her. I heard people telling her hi inside the house, but I stayed outside to let her come find me. She found me and I acted very calm and just said "hey, you're finally here". She told me that she had to go home first and then come to my brother's house (because OM follows her home from school to make sure she is safe, and she can't let him know she is going to be out with me). I sort of feel like the OM to my W OM. Crazy?!?!

Anyway she tells me that she is getting a bad vibe from my brother and she feels uncomfortable. So we start to leave, but before we can my brother pulls me aside and (very drunk) starts telling me the same stuff about W he did earlier, but this time he is crying. He tells me that I am like a father to him (we grew up without a dad, and have two different dads) and he hates to see me get walked on like this. He says he knows how I was throughout the M, and wife would complain alot to his wife, but he thinks she has gone too far. I told him to give it time and he said no because what she is doing is not nice and how can I forget that if we get back together?

So W and I start leaving and my brother walks us to the car and starts making comments to my W like "well at least you made it to some of the party because I know you were at your 'night school' or whatever" and instead of telling her bye he told her "whatevers". She was pissed and started yelling at me. I told her that wasn't fair because I was fine all night and it was his anger, not mine. She said that she has always thought of him as a real brother since she has seen him grow up from a little boy, how could he treat her that way. I told her that he is angry at both of us because almost his whole life we have been together and have been there for him through his rough times. He is angry that we are going through this and wishes it was just back to the way it was. I told her that he has yelled at me at times asking me why i behaved the way I did during the marriage. This was just his way of "yelling" at her, but of course he still loves her. She said maybe she could forgive him for this, but not now. So I let it go.

She let me sleep on her bed again because of my shoulder, but again no hanky panky (but that is 3 nights in a row).

I have a question about how this is going in her head. She is VERY comfortable to talk to me about everything, and she keeps on letting me know that she is constantly thinking about leaving OM to be with me or continue with D. She brings it up or starts crying and when I ask her she says "I don't want to talk about it" and I let it go. But here's my question. What is going through her mind where she can be excited to go to a party with me (my sister said she ran out of the house as soon as she could to go to party), kisses me sometimes and lets me know that she still loves me, but then is so open with her R with OM (like today she said, "don't worry, I am going to his house to study and we already agreed there will be no sex today") WTF??? I love her to death, but this is driving me crazy. Is it MLC, is it that she really loves two people at the same time? Or is it that she was really committed to D me because I would never change and she found someone she tought would fill that void for good, but then started seeing that I can change and now doesn't know what she wants. I know looking at other sitches I should just sit back and continue to work on me. And if I do that, maybe she will see that I am the better choice and dump OM and want to start a better R with me. But I don't know how long I can continue being her 2nd choice (because like I said before I fell like OM to her OM, but it is always around the schedule of them, I NEVER come first).

I don't know, I am just sooooooo confused right now. Part of me wants to give up. Part of me wants to go get my own OP, but for what?

"don't worry, I am going to his house to study and we already agreed there will be no sex today" This was priceless!!!

You should have told her your brother acted they way he did because he has rightly lost respect for her. She is screwing a 60 year old man (who she knows only wants one thing and seems ok with that) and does it in his your face. But then strings you along by keeping your hopes up that she might leave OM soon!!!

Just curious...how many times has she said this??? And how many more "study sessions" with OM before she makes a decision?? Or better for you to make a decision? I am not trying to be mean just trying to throw some cold water on you!!! Do you really think that if you pulled back from her until she makes a choice that she would actually choose OM over her kids and you? The OM at 60 years of age wants nothing to do with 5 boys that will hate his guts and be in his way. He just wants a booty call with no strings. Your wife seems OK with the current arrangment and by you sitting back and not rocking the boat it is perfect for the OM. He knows once you force the issue she will have to choose between destroying the lives of her children and becoming a part time mom or keeping the family together. Its time to stand up for your family and stop the madness. Her relationship with the OM is a house of cards just blow hard enough and it all comes down and he finds someone easier to play with. Good Luck.

I think I want to give up. OM is gone for about 2 weeks, out of country, and she has said she is going to do things with me during that time because she couldn't while he is here. I think I am just going to enjoy that time with her, sort of like a "last hoorah" and then take the next step (whatever that is) to making this happen. I can't live like this anymore. She makes me feel like we are getting closer, and that she is getting suspicious of OM, but she is still madly in love with him (based on how I hear her talk to him on phone, and I know I shouldn't be snooping in on conversations). I am trying to stay strong, but it is getting too hard. I need love too and it hurts too much.