Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Why do these things happen VII

Jazz, sadhhearted, NM, are my thoughts up above stupid in that thought process?
Jazz you are kind of making me doubt myself in that those are reasonable processes for her.

There's nothing wrong with your thoughts. I agree. It wasn't going on while she was still with you so that's good. And now even though your married you are seperated. I asked my SIL the other night shouldn't I have a right to know if he's with someone else. She told me biblically yes but otherwise no because we are seperated. I've always said even if he had an A I wouldn't dump my marriage. To him that's the one thing he could do to make me call it quits. So IF he did it that would why.

Some people are willing to get over an A and some aren't. If you're one that can that's great. If not there's nothing wrong with that. You know what you can and can't live with. No one else should tell you differently. In the end all that matters is what YOU can accept.

Well that is just it, I don't think I could live with it if an affair happened while together. I just see this as different, being separated and all, we are two separate people living apart. I just don't think I can have the same expectations or feelings I would have if it happened while together.

Well there you go. Since it wasn't going on while you were together then let her do what she needs to do to come back to you.

Boy do I need to take my own advice.

Actually I'm extremely jealous in the way you're handling it and the detachment you're feeling 7. You're a bigger man than I am. I can't seem to dump that last bit that keeps me awake at night.

Remember my wife had a PA 5 years ago on me. Emotionally...I made her pay for it everyday for a long time. It's always been a rough spot for me. I finally learned to forgive her..but not forget it. Took my repsonsibility for why it happened. I still beat myself up over it.

I don't think your feeling is wrong. I don't think feelings should ever be wrong. I admire you for being able to detach and look down the road. I can't see past the windshield right now.

I would have a completely different outlook on it if we were together. I just know that I want my marriage to continue, and have the thought process that at the moment we are not married in a sense. With that in mind I feel that this is something I can let go of if we are ever back together.
Making her pay for it probably was not a help in any way. Would think that just pushed her farther down the road.

I didn't realize until way after the fact that I made her pay..it was a hindsight thing.

That is what I want to avoid at all costs. I don't want to hold anything against her during this, and I don't want anything to be said by me that I would want to regret later.

I think you're in the right frame of mind to do that.

Well I hope so, I figure I have nothing else to lose.