Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Why do these things happen VII

That is one of those things we can only hope for eventually. They at some time must get over the thought process they are going through during this time, just hope before I have moved on because that would be a tragedy.

I hear that. That really would be sad. But they have to get over the hurt and bitterness and everything else. Which they can do if they choose too.

My SIL told me tonight my H at some point will realize he is happy here and that he'll be miserable if he chooses a D.

So true in many of our circumstances.

I picked my son up this morning to take him to his summer school. He had an interesting bit of information for me, mind you I am a good dad and do not use my son for anything during this, no questions about anything his mom says or does, he does sometimes say things but usually on the minor side. Well not this morning.
Once we were in the car he looked a little down and I asked him what was wrong. His response.

Mommy was on the phone for hours(probably minutes) last night with some guy and she was really sad and crying and yelling. He then proceeded to tell me that she told whoever it was that she didn't know what she wanted to do, not sure if she wanted a divorce, felt she was being used when she needs to be on her own. After that is when the crying and yelling started according to him. He tried to say more but I put a stop to it and told him not to worry, everything is okay and he shouldn't have been listening.

Not going to put much into it but at the same time I think she may have been being pushed to get me out of the picture and when she balked because she wasn't sure what she wanted the OM started in on her. That I can only smile about.

That might help explain her daily turns in how she was acting. She was trying to find happiness with someone, but at the same time not sure about us. One good week and then boom telling me she filed, which I could not find proof of at the court houses.
Yesterday in our interactions you would of thought nothing was wrong with us, completely friendly talking and such.

I have had thoughts she might be seeing someone but I have been a good boy and not snooped around to find out, the only thing I knew was she was going out because she would say so herself, but always said with her girlfriends. Her last night going out that she told me was last saturday, sunday she says she had filed. Monday was kind of quiet, and yesterday we were like good old friends. I thought I went to the smaller roller coaster but guess I was wrong.

Sounds like the ride is just getting ready to get started again bud.

I hope not, I still want to keep my emotions in check. I am letting go but not giving up.

Not that I like my son to know anything, in a way I am glad he overheard the parts he did.

Well what he told you sounds like a step in your direction. Good idea to keep your emotions in check. It helps when your spouse then decides to pull away again. I know all about that.

Well she hasn't come back so she can't pull away again. I have always had this fear that some OM was in the picture some how but never knew for sure since I have been good and not snooping.
I guess I can be glad that he hasn't read any of these books and seems to be forcing her to make decisions she is not ready to do.

So I am not going to change, I am still letting go and not putting much into anything at this point. As I said in another thread about where a line is drawn, mine was when the judge said so or she became slutty, or was pregnant. Being separated, I for some reason do not see it as an affair in the terms it is meant. If her going out and finding that the grass is not greener is what it takes for her to wake up and see what we can have and for us to eventually work it out, so be it.

I was talking more emotionally pulling back. My H steps towards me then pulls back. Another cycle I could do without.

Yeah let him dig his own grave. And you can sit back and hopefully she'll see the better you. And someone who didn't try to force her to make a decision when she wasn't ready.