Well, the only reason he came back last night is because he couldn't continue to pay for the hotel ($125/night!), and he had nowhere else to go. He actually asked me if he could stay and then said it was better than sleeping in his car. He told me last night that he was probably going to move in with a buddy of his that needed a roomate. He says there is no hope and I should just accept it. I feel like if he moves out it is over. Although, I did tell him that maybe he should leave and make sure this is what he wants.
By the way, I checked again later last night and she had called him two more times and he called her once. So I don't think it was to tell him to come back to me. I know it doesn't do any good to check, but I just can't seem to help myself.
I know we were young when we got together, but I didn't marry him until I felt like I was ready and I had done what I wanted to do. If I would have agreed, he would have married me three years earlier. This would have meant that I would have had to stop what I was doing and quit school to go where he was and be with him and I wasn't willing to do that. I didn't want any regrets. I didn't want to resent him for anything. Now it seems that he didn't really think about all those things before marrying me.
By the way, I checked again later last night and she had called him two more times and he called her once. So I don't think it was to tell him to come back to me. I know it doesn't do any good to check, but I just can't seem to help myself.
What good does it do to check up on him. You have no clue what they are talking about, so you only conjure bad thoughts about those times they talk. If he finds out you are snooping you just push him farther away and he will find a new way to communicate with her if he wishes. Snooping will just drive you crazy and hurt your chances in the long run, so just don't do it no matter how hard it is to refrain from it.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
Textbook. He is sayimg the same stuff they all say. Where do they get this rhetoric? Do NOT panic. There are other ways to fight for your marriage but DO NOT panic. You do not want that panic to be imprinted on his brain! Instead of texting him a question or threat, fight the impulse and do not text anything. If you must, text a joke or sport score, but even that might look desperate. Stay friendly and happy and independent but let him know you are glad he is in your life. It sucks to treat your own husband like a guy you want to date, let me tell ya. About the OW who is a friend with a boyfriend and is lesbian, it does not matter. He SHOULD be spending time with you but he is trying to detach and form new friendships that will not judge him. My H is emotionally attached to another straight man who has been kicked out oh his own home. Both men text constantly at all hours. It sickens me. This guy is bottem of the barrel but he does not judge my H, he sympathizes so I guess I need to do that instead of using guilt.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I can refrain from texting and calling. Its hard, but I know I can. I will try to stop looking...I haven't looked today. It really does feel like he is someone that I want to date who doesn't want to date me. He asked if I had thought about putting the house up for sale. I just don't know if he will see the light before it is too late. He told me he loves me and he just doesn't want to be married.
If I didn't mention it before, he is in the Air Force. In order for us to get married, I had to quit my job and move across the country. He had no choice right? Otherwise it was just keep waiting, at the time we thought he was going to make a career out of it. We have been through two tours in Iraq (only one since marriage, he was gone 7 months and got back in December) and a stint in Japan. He says he has felt this way since he got back. I never saw it, there were no signs...even knowing what I know now I can't look back and see any signs. A part of me thinks while he was gone he began to think about how great it was going to be when he got back. And then he got back and it was the same old stuff...bills, responsibilities. We had fun, but I feel like he had unrealistic expectations.
What do I do if he is moving out and tells me that there is nothing we can do. Just let him go? I know I can't make him stay, but I am not sure that we can emotionally and financially survive a separation. I am not ready to accept divorce.
Ok, I had told him to do a few things when I was mad. First off, we bought him a new car about two years ago. His credit is bad and he couldn't get the loan and so I put it in my name. I told him he either needed to get a loan in his name only or I would sell the car. I can't make that payment if I am by myself and he has a history of not paying bills so I didn't want my credit ruined. Deep down I didn't think he would be able to get the loan, and then he would need me. Well, apparently he did get the loan. Next I told him to get the cell phone in his name. Well, he just called and said he had called them and all they needed to change it was authorization from me.
He is doing all these things to cut himself off from me. We have no kids, so I guess no ties other than financially. Well, he is taking care of the finacial ties, and I know I told him to do it, I just didn't think he would do it so quickly. I know in my heart that he is making a mistake. I think he has the sam unrealistic expectations about being single that he had when he came back from Iraq. He just wants what is going to make him happy for the moment and screw everybody that gets hurt in the meantime.
Yes, you did get married young but that is no excuse to give up on your marriage. Being married to a military person has extra complications since there are upheavals every few years but stability in the marriage is pretty crucial. If you want, you can let him know that you cannot stop him from leaving but that you will love him through it all. Sometimes they just need to know that they have someone waiting for them. I am not an expert since my H is still not home but the first time he left for boot camp was hard. We broke up and that time was harder than it is now. He is also a Gulf War Vet but after 9 years we found each other. That is one of the reasons why I am trying so hard to save this because we already lost each other. He has so many trust issues because I did not wait for him after the war ended.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
