Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives CVA - Thread 2, Hold mode

CVA,
I agree! Feelings can come back. I have had times over the years when I thought my feelings had faded but they sure are back now. I don't know, sometimes I think we get so caught up in life, kids, work that we forget about the marriage, figuring it doesn't need any work. I got caught up in the little games of us being competetive. It was like we kept a tally of everything we did or didn't do and threw it in the other persons face. There are so many little things that I have finally seen the light on. I will not live that way anymore. I have changed a lot. Well see if it is enough.
My W took her rings off when she had the cast put on her wrist. The cast comes off in a week and a half. It will be intersting to see if she puts them back on.
Matt

Matt
Keeping score is the worst.

Journaling
Took S9 out to dinner at Chuck-E-Cheese. We were going to go to Outback and a movie but there were no movies to see. He didnt care, just time alone with me playing some video games and eating pizza was all he cared about.

Tomorrow night my W goes out for another Bday celebration w/ her BFF. Hope good things happen there.

No back rub tonight for some reason. She wasnt into it. The reason I miss those is because, as I have put down in these notes before, we do our best talking. So, not much talking today.

She went out and bought some new bras/panties today. Ouch, tough to even think about. Do they know what they do to us mortal men? I doubt it.

Still, all-in-all a nice day. Was there this morning to take D11 to her BFFs Bday party then got a workout and went into work. Been working out and feeling back to almost myself physically after the last 2 yrs of being relatively in shape but NO ENERGY from the pain. It is nice. I guess I am just looking forward to that time when emotionally Iam as good as I am physically.

Wed/Thursday I plan on taking the ohter boys out to do something at night. Daughter is more difficult but I think as she sees the boys go out, she will want to as well.

CVA Out.

GG,



Were either of these sitchs plagued by an OM or OW? If so, how did those elements factor in?

Thanks for the optimism -- don't see much hope for my sitch though (not anytime soon anyway). W just moved in with her new BF, so they're getting closer as our D draws near. I'm looking at possibly several years down the road. I just hope that circumstances are such at that time that we can give it a chance to work out.

GD

CVA, true, it doesn't matter if I wear the ring or not. I know there will be single women where I am going, I want to see what kind of reaction I get from them without a ring on, it doesn't mean I am losing my focus on my wife, but my ego needs a little boost.
I hope you are right about her feelings, I will always measure other women to my wife, and they will not compare, I want her home.
I am going to read your thread now. Good luck to you friend.
Jeff

GD,
The guy I work with, his wife had a EA for a while, he is a changed man, she saw that and wanted him back.
The guy I play cards with, I'm not sure if she had OM, neither is he, she moved out west for 7 months, moved back home about a month ago and they are both very happy together.
Your wife has a BF, so what! They have an emotionally charged relationship for now, that will fade as it does for everyone, he has bad habits just like the rest of us, give it 6 months.
If she goes through with the divorce, be a stand up guy, be a great dad, be her friend, be kind, help her when she needs it.
At the end of the day, you'll be the star, she will always have regrets about leaving, you are the father of her kids. You will win in the end,
good luck,
Jeff

Thanks GG -- I needed that!

I really don't see the R with OM lasting that long, though I could be wrong. The only thing he has over me (and granted, it's a big thing) is the ES (emotional support) that he has provided my W. I lacked in this dept big time, and am now trying to show her I can be that person for her with the small interactions we have. I think she sees a lot of change, but certainly won't admit it, address it, etc.

Their R has lasted 4 months now and is apparently still going strong. I'll wait it out until either she remarries or someone else comes along for me. Hopefully neither of these things will occur, and we'll get back together someday and have a stronger M because of these hardships.

GD

GD,
I've been trying the acting "As if" routine since my wife moved out, and it's working better for me than for her. I feel as though she is losing out on what could be a great relationship, and since I can't change her, only myself, that's what I'm doing.
As I mentioned, I'll go on vacation without my ring on, and see what happens. Who knows, maybe I'll find someone, the same goes for you.
You might try the "I hope it works out for you and OM"! "You deserve to be happy", "I think I'll take our kids out for ice cream, have a nice day", it sure can't hurt, right?
You have 3 1/2 weeks until August 16th, pin the corners of your mouth to your ears for a permanant smile, your wife won't know what you are up to!
You have 10 years of history, the new guy has 120 days, no comparison!

GG,



A few months ago we had a talk and I told her that if OM is giving her the emotional support that I failed to give her over the years, and she is happy, then I respect their R (basically saying that I respect her decision -- even if I don't like it, agree with it, etc). I then added that I just want her to be happy, at which she said that she wanted me to be happy too.

I think doing this is beneficial in the long run because it shows letting go and unconditional love. I said it in a way that was sincere and didn't come off like a guilt trip, and it will give W something to think about in the future.

How long have you and your W been separated? I understand your need to get a self-esteem boost by not wearing the ring on vacation, but I would caution against it. Boost your self-esteem in other ways. If you're invested in saving your M, do you not think that taking off the ring for such a purpose is an ethical breach?

GD
GD

CVA that is good to hear that you are able to get back to working out! Sounds like work is a bit hectic for you right now but keep up with that GAL!

Sounds like S9 had a nice time and that you are making plans with the other boys. I think you are on to something that D will be more inclined to go as well.

Thanks Rj
Appreciate your interest in my sitch. Work sucks but you know what, no matter what happens here, I have a new outlook which I did not have before. I always land on my feet so be confident. I literally got to the pt before this happened that I was so afraid to fail it affected everything. Glad that is overwith.