1. You don't need to be mysterious about your GAL activities. If you have interests -- great.
2. Do not put a CD on with romantic music. That's chasing.
3. Telling her, "You look Hot" is fine. It's bad boy behavior. She needs to see the dangerous guy in you. You are way too nice.
4. Regarding the finances. If her affair is going to bankrupt you, tell her to make more money or scale back on the calls.
5. You said...
Quote:
She said that I looked angry and thin and felt bad that I haven't been doing things for myself. I replied 'Maybe I look angry because that's all you concentrate on and I'm thin cause I don't have much of an appetite'.
Dude -- that's being petty. Stop it.
She's noticing that you are pissed off and not taking care of yourself -- as you have guessed, that's not attractive. That's why you must GAL.
6. Don't read relationship books in front of her. That's sending her a signal that you are consumed with saving the relationship -- it's a form of chasing.
--Theoden
Allow me to comment further, please. Theoden is right on (as usual), but here is what (I believe) my DB coach would say about the above:
#1. Right on! The more she knows about your GAL's, the more attractive you will be to her. Yes, being mysterious is good, but be forthcoming with most GAL's.
#2. Yep, no pursuing is permitted in DBing.
#3. Coach advised doing what she called "drive-by flirting." Say "Wow, you look hot," then walk away. Leave 'em wanting more.
#4. Agree.
#5. Guilt is not attractive. This is the one thing that I am having the most difficulty with. If you want them to come back to you, you cannot make a WAS feel guilty. It really makes you unattractive because they worry about when the next "guilt bomb" will be dropped.
#6. Again, Theoden is spot-on. No pursuing. Make the WAS come to you. It's the only way...
DBing is both a strategic action and a mindset. The easy part is the strategy: follow the rules on Page 124 of DR. The difficult part is the mindset. It takes time... and frequent visits to this website.
Good job letting your wife see you have fun and get "concerned" about your whereabouts.
Rock climb more often, it'll build strength and self confidence and cause you to focus on other things than marriage problems.
Try a sample Karate class -- you might like that, too.
Your wife NEVER needs to lie for you -- why? Because you are doing nothing wrong. Tell her she doesn't need to.
You don't need to lie for your wife. If people ask where she's going -- tell them she's "on a trip" to see someone. That's the truth, NOT ALL THE TRUTH, but it's true.
Remember right now your wife is acting like a crazed teenager. If you can't afford enldess cell phone bills, then tell her.
One more thing, this isn't classic divorce busting, but perhaps you might think about setting down a boundary. I'm not sure if you have done enough GAL to do this yet, but....she can't be talking to him in front of you, or in the house whike you are there. That's complete disrespect. You aren't telling her she can't call him -- but she should have the courtesy to do it in front of you.
On one of the harder climbs I imagined it my marrage. By that time I was tired. I made it up 1/4 way. took a break and tried again and made it a little further fell off and helper said i could keep going so i made it a little further. Took a longer break and made it a little more than 3/4 up. Thats when i called it a day. But i do know one thing, I will make it to the top of that climb. Even if its not the next time I go there, I will make it to the top.
This was my first visit to the YMCA. never new they offered this kind of stuff. They do offer Karate classes, not sure if that is my thing but I will consider it.
She doesn't call him in front of me now days, she goes in the basement or shuts the door in our room, the room I'm not sleeping in. I do believe she texts him in front of me. that kind of burns me.
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
Well I thought I would post this while its fresh in my mind.
Its 12:30 am my time central. I read up on several posts and was going to bed. When I got upstairs I noticed I still had my swim trunks on, I didnt want to go back downstairs to get my sweats. So I turn our room(witch I don't sleep in) door knob. If its locked she is on the phone, and is unlocked in morning to get my clothes. It was unlocked so I walked in and turned on the light, she was awake and mouthed "i'm on the phone" to me. I shook my head a little and went in the closet and got my sweats. When I left i shut the door louder than normal, not a slam but louder than normal. I hope om had a few questions about that one.
I doubt I can fall asleep for quite a while tonight. My heart is pounding.
Well work has got me on wierd hours this week, I will check in as much as I can.
Quick update. On Sun s7 caught most fish, I'm not sure if he is more proud of that or me letting him drive the boat.
More lies, I can smell it. My d20's bf's dad passed away and he is flying back. At midnight last night (when i got off work) d20's car was in the driveway. My w must have let her use it to take him to fargo. Do you guys remember when my w was going to meet om but couldnt go? Her trunk was still packed w/camping stuff. On the table this morning was one of the blankets that was in her trunk. So she either had to lie to d20 or unload her trunk w/out d20 knowing. I'm guessing lies. She hates lies. Or at least she used to.
Quick update. On Sun s7 caught most fish, I'm not sure if he is more proud of that or me letting him drive the boat.
LT. My s10 and I spent the whole week 4 wheeling, hiking, building sand castles, and just playing. BUT the only thing he talks about is when I let him drive the jeep in the beach
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
