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Hey PNT. Kind of odd to see my post on your thread.

Quote:

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Can you pinpoint what you did that contributed to the rise in your PMA?

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You know, I really can't. I was feeling empty for a couple of days, then it changed again to be more like what it's been lately. I think that I psyche myself out sometimes. You see, about 8 years ago I went through a period of a number of months where I felt pretty much nothing (probably similar to a WAS). I told my W at the time and she was concerned, but didn't pressure me about it or anything. Over time it changed and I felt more feelings again. So, when I felt that familiar emptiness, it freaked me out a little...probably helped exaggerate the emptiness.

So, to combat the feeling, I simply tried to calm myself down, act "as if" and continued to do what I'd normally do. Eventually, it subsided. I wish I had a special formula or epiphany, but I don't...unfortunately...

jethro

Quoting jethro:

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So, when I felt that familiar emptiness, it freaked me out a little ...probably helped exaggerate the emptiness.

So, to combat the feeling, I simply tried to calm myself down, act "as if" and continued to do what I'd normally do. Eventually, it subsided. I wish I had a special formula or epiphany, but I don't...unfortunately...

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Boy, I can relate!

Well, you've narrowed it down some. You started acting-as-if and that helped.

Can you think of what thoughts the acting-as-if might have triggered that helped you feel more better?



Hugs.

Quoting PhoenixNTraining:

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... But they didn't get totally turned around until I had posted my post, had a positive response from KAW, ...

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All kidding aside, I'm glad I could help in some small way.
You really know how to boost somebody's PMA...

'til later,
KAW

KAW and everyone else,

I hope ya'll have a wonderful amazing Valentine's Day.

And don't forgive to give your valentime something special. And don't forget that You are your own Valentine!

Hugs.

Oh, I'm hurting and scared.

I called my husband today. It was a good conversation.

Much was said, but the thing that has me worried and upset, is that I told him that I didn't know how to act with him.

He said for me to be myself.

I said If I was being myself, I'd be holding him, touching him and kissing him, and I didn't know how he'd respond to that, but I had the feeling he wasn't ready for it.

He said I could kiss him and hug him, but that he wasn't ready to make out.

I asked him if it was because I'm overwieght.

He said "No."

I asked if it was because of someone else. (Yeah, I know I'm not supposed to do that. Sigh.)

He said "No."

I asked if he was mad at me. (I meant for asking previous, and I think he understood that that is what I was asking, but now, in retrospect, I'm not sure.)

He said "No."

I told him that I was scared that it meant that there was something wrong with us.

He said he was too. He said he didn't understand it and was confused and didn't know why he felt that way.

So, what do I do now?

Do, I start touching him, hugging him and kiss him occasionally? (not making out, just a single kiss.)

Is this one of those areas in which I have to 'experiment'?

I told him that I was afraid that this meant that there was something wrong with us. That it was something irreparable.

He said, "Nothing is irrepairable."

I've been so stiff and formal around him. Have held back and not touched him. I was doing what was a 180 for me. Doing what I thought he was comfortable with.

The funny thing is, I was stiff and trying to bowl his way, and did terrible. The minute I relaxed and went back to bowling the way I was comfortable with, I broke 100.

I'm afraid that if I open the gate and start being myself, that the flood will start, and I will get so emotional that I won't be DBing effectively anymore.

What I've done so far has gotten some positive results. He's gone from "I love you, but can't be around you." to "I love you." and "Darling". and enjoying dates with me.

So, I'm a bit scared to change what's been working. But, a part of me craves physical touch. That's my love language..and I just want him to hold me.


Arghhhh...

I'm confused and distressed and not sure what this all means.

Hugs.

he gave you your answer....just be yourself...you know what you can do and can't...as far as being physical with him...I think you are going to have to experiment...

LL

Ok.

Breathing Deep.

Calming down.

I WILL stick to my diet.

I WILL continue to work out.

I WILL continue to focus on my goals.

and I WILL relax and be myself around my husband.

I WILL be gentle and loving and not aggressive.

Like enticing a scared kitten out of hiding.

Thanks LL.

Hugs.

Ok.

I'm tuning in to that small still voice inside.

She says that the reason he's not ready is because sex is so emotionally vulnerable.

That he's scared once we start down that route, the pain and emotions will be exposed.

I'm scared of that too.

Does this make sense?

Hugs.

Sorta like the feeling a guy gets wondering when he should go for that first kiss...

Seriously, as LL has already pointed out ... just be yourself. Be spontaneous & go with what feels right. Start out small. Take his hand ... gaze into his eyes more ... give a peck on the cheek first ... give a quick squeeze of a hug. If all is going well, let the hugs become more embracing, direct the kisses more ... well you get the idea or maybe just rub noses. Try to make the contact more playful at first and take it from there...

'til later,
KAW

Makes sense.

Thanks KAW.



Hugs.