Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Tiny Ray of whatever...

I wish that was the case Sol. It's been bad for me for a really long time. She plays me like a yo-yo and there is nothing I can do it seems to protect myself.

Wes ...why can I not wrap my head around it?

you're co-dependent. You identify yourself as HER HUSBAND. you've identified your happiness with her being there for so long, that you can't detach from that. You let everything she does send you straight into despair.

You're not her husband, you're YOU. You don't need her to be happy. Yes, you want her, you want to save your family, that is SO different. When you let yourself be happy without her around, it'll start to work for you. Until then, you are going to drive yourself straight to the nuthouse if you don't detach. you can do it. Just start thinking that way instead of how you're thinking. it takes a LOT of work but it comes along, just like learning any new skill.

I don't visualize any without her. 17 years man. I've been with her since before I was legal to drink. She has been my entire adult life. How in the hell do you transition from everything is always about family to just you. That's where I'm stuck and have been stuck for months.

Cause you need to get your head unwrapped from it! You are trying to hard to know why and what, when you just need to be taking care of you and the kids. Until you are right, it really doesn't matter what she's up to.

Well, when you don't have a choice, you just do it - period.

I've been with my wife for 11 years, not as long as you, but a good chunk of my life - and I loved it!!! I never thought I'd have to be without her. I got very co-dependent. I went off the deep-end for a couple of weeks when she sent me packing. Then I got a freakin life! I haven't been perfect, but I do not need her to be happy. I want her in my life because she is the most valuable person, with my son in there too, in my life, but I can't make her come back. It's like losing the best investment you ever had but you don't jump out the window! Life is too important to give it up over someone else's bad decisions - or your own for that matter (in my case, I take a lot of responsibility for my wife leaving). you just learn and move forward. If you don't learn something, you're just wallowing, and that'll never make you happy, not ever.

She actually said she hated me for the first time. We have a thing about how hate is such a stong word. She intentionally used it.

JR I have learned a lot. I know what went wrong (at least most) from my side. And that's what makes this so hard. I have put my blood, sweat, and tears into this. I have never worked harder on anything in my life. And now I feel like it was all in vain. Why? Because I have become and better person and a better husband...but there is nobody there to see it or even care. It has not made me any happier. It has frankly made me ashamed of who I was. But it's too little too late. And that I can't forgive myself for.

NM,

Don't give up. Let time pass and stand strong. I have learned that there is a cycle to all this and you stay strong and she will soften.

You are stronger than this man!!

she even changed the comment on her MSN to "Get the hell over it and move on"

Stay strong for yourself and your kids NM, don't worry about her right now. Just take care of yourself, nothing is over yet so hang in and do what you have to do to keep yourself in a positive frame of mind.