I have something I would like to run past ya. I am not saying I am going to do this but.....
Since the W wants to be "room mates" (no sex). What do you think she would say if I asked her “How would you feel if brought a woman to OUR time share? OR Would you have a problem if I brought a woman to our time share? (I don't think I would have to mention sex but I do think it would be implied.)
Sometimes messing with people can be fun...
Just a wondering
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Has your W flat out said that she wants to be roommates? My opinion would be that before you do anything along those lines, I would think you would need to have some sort of sit down, heart-to-heart R talk. I know in DB'ing we aren't supposed to R talk, but I think it may be high time to sit your W down and ask her exactly what is going on and what she wants. Maybe if you are willing to go as far as asking if it's ok to take OW to your time-share, it's time enough to say "this ain't working for me," what are we doing here, where are we going and where are we going to end up.
I don't know, what does everybody else think? That's my opinion though. I guess it's been long enough now that I can't really remember the last R talk you had w/ your W and what exactly was said. And she's not still w/ OM, right?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
2 maybe 3 months ago that is what she said. She said she has strong feeling for the OM (even though he is married). She has not had sex with him during the last 2 to 3 months. I know this because she has not been over night anywhere. I do not know if she still talks to him 3 to 4 times a day. I have a feeling this has slowed down. I do agree the time is coming soon that we do need to sit down and find out where we are. If that conversation does lead to a 'Room Mate" then that would probably be a good time to make the statement about OUR time share. I don't want it to come across as a "you hurt me how would you feel if this happed to you" statement. I want it to be a reality statement. I don't think she will like the idea. We are getting along. But I don't need a room mate. Let me correct that statement. : I would prefer not to have a room mate.
Do you think an R talk is in order? Or do you think the reality shock might be better.
Did ya see my pic's ?
Husband
Last edited by husband; 07/18/0701:01 AM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Yep, saw the pics. Looks like it was a nice place to be!
I would say, yes, a R talk is in order b/c nothing seems to be moving. I know I have said over & over again that patience is the key, however, she seems to be just taking it all in stride and maybe thinking "great, this is how I want it to be and I'll just ride this out." Before any R talk, though, you are going to need to figure out what you really want. If roommates is not enough, are you ready to say the D word? You need to really think about what you are willing to live with and what you aren't. You need to know ahead of time what YOU want and what YOU can live with and what your decisions are going to be depending on how she reacts.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Love your pictures! What an elegant table setting with snails and hot dogs and flowers! Your fish picture is blurry, though: it looks like it might've been a minnow. You and your W look very youthful (unless that's a pic of your son and daughter!).
those were not hotdogs, they were sausages stuffed with chedder cheese. this is California.... cades I know what you are saying I do think she is riding it out right now. I am not going to do anything until I finish my book. I was just "fishing for inputs"
Husband
Last edited by husband; 07/18/0701:45 AM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
She said thank you for the necklace. I said I hope it does not make your neck turn green.
Husband, I am going back to the early part of your thread because this stuck out to me. Why did you say that about turning green? Trying to make light of the gift since she didn't get you a gift or card? Since you spent so much time deciding what to buy I was surprised that you would devalue it (and possibly yourself) by saying it might turn her neck green. Is it just me???
