Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done Moving Forward - slow but sure

Thanks all.

Off to Gatlinburg today and then Chattanooga. Ten days. Fun.

I am in a good place but I am so sad we cannot try again. It is so pointless that she is so sure.

But that is just wishing for things that cannot be.

WCW: the puppy? I doubt it was a secret. She always wanted to get a dog for the kids. I like dogs but I am not a trainer of dogs. I hate friendly dogs who are not nice to live with. She would not train it either so I always said no. If I say no, for whatever reason, I am controlling. So she hated me for *denying* her and the kids I guess.

So now she has one. Suprised it took so long. One more point of closure for her WRT to me. But the reason the kids did not say anything is they could care less about pets. I hear more about the Haunted House at Gatlinburg than about any dog.

John: very good to hear from you. Lady friend? You mean there is hope for guys like us?

Nic, FIB, ISLH and BAnnie: Thanks for your thoughts.

Talk to you all again soon.

Have fun Jeff..kids, kids, kids, kids. Truly...I'd like some details when you get back. Always wanted to make the trip to Gatlinburg down from Cincinnati but never made it ( I used to live in Cincy).

Immerse yourself.

Frank

Wow, interesting post, Jeff.

First of all, your anger is palpable. From what I can see, that chip ain't gettin no smaller...

What do you mean, "She would not train it either so I always said no"?

Did she declare, "I want a dog but I do not intend to train it"?

Or did you just assume she wouldn't?

And based on that assumption, you "said no"?

Um, and how come you got to "say no" anyway? Weren't you both adults, parents, partners?

Or were you given the trump card at the ceremony?

IMO, that does sound controlling, and for a reason...

Hope you have fun in Myrtle Beach in the Mountains...

Jeff...

Have fun with the kids and hope to hear all about your trip when you return.

Lady friend? What do you mean "is there hope for guys like us?" If you haven't found a lady friend yet, it's because God is being very choosy and will send the right one as soon as he finds her.

We'll miss you.

I hope you are all having a GRRRRRREAT time!!

Jeff,

Hope you have/had a great time on vacation!

Hi Jeff, how's that vacation? are you back home yet and resting up?

I know what you mean about dogs that don't behave, and in many ways it is wise of you to recognize the limits of what you could accept. But....being I am a type that cannot/chooses not to live without animals in my life your stance seems pretty strong. There is always a compromise (take a puppy to training, get a small dog) but the point is I am glad you stood up for no dog instead of having a dog that ended up being uncared for, neglected, stuck in a kennel barking all day and night while it watched the family come and go while the dog stayed alone and lonely. That would be a LBD, Left Behind Dog, and we all know how painful it is to be left behind, even if you are just a dog.

So........let's hear about vacation!!! and pictures!

I am back from 10 days in Tenn. Time with the kids was great. They had a wonderful time. We are all tired.

The time with the kids was great but the rest of the vacation sucked. We went to two *family* vacation spots so the constant reminder is that a family is two adults with kids.

I saw family after family, happy and content. Their kids seeing how adults intertact, how the parents shared the parenting roles. How kids asked their dad certain questions and mom others. How the parents got to talk to each other as adults and not just interact with the kids.

My kids were asked where their mom was. Did I need another menu. My hotel rate is for two adults and two children. The 'package' attraction tickets always had that *extra* adult ticket.

It sucked.

Constant reminders, day after day, that I am a single parent and a failure.

It sucks.

Jeff we can't have you talking like this. You are about as far as it gets from being a failure. You are a succesful single parent. I thinkit sucks that those family vacation spots only count for two parents and if you go with a different package it costs you a lot of money. Heck I may actually end up complaining that I am being discriminated against for being a single parent.

LIke you said she is taking her path and you are taking your path. You are a solid individual with a lot to offer. And you kids will benefit from that now and in the long run also.

Neli

Jeff,

I'm glad you enjoyed the time with the kids. Remember that the firsts of anything you do will bring back memories of your family that included your W. The more memories you make without her, the less of her you will be thinking as you will have new wonderful memories that didn't include her.

I know what you mean about those "family packages", why do they always assume it includes 2 adults? Maybe next time, there will be another adult.



Jeff...you are far from being a failure. You did the best you knew how and you have learned so much this past year. If you are a failure then what does that make me, having already gone through this twice? If your W won't let you show her what you have learned and that you are a better man, then how about showing someone else. I consider our WAS the failures because they gave up. You didn't give up and we're not giving up on you so don't give up on yourself now.

Now that you have spent some quality time with the kids, it is time to spend some quality with some adults. Call a friend or two and go have some fun. It is not like you to feel sorry for yourself and we won't let you.

Post back here after the weekend and tell us something fun you did.

Hugs,
ISLH