Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Do I buy a house? What about sex?

I guess my question would be what would happen if he does have an affair. Is that a deal-breaker for you or if he is having a MLC and does something stupid and realizes it was the wrong thing, would you work through that with him. Sorry, I know that is a crappy thing to think about.
When H and I seperated after a year of marriage he had an affair and I went home to live with my mom. After a year and a half of being apart we got back together and we've been married 7 more years. Guess they weren't the best years b/c/ here we are now but I am glad I forgave him and we stayed together. If he does it this time around I think I would file.
Your H thinks he can get away with anything so can he? If not maybe knowing that if he does it, it will be over, maybe that will keep him from maing that mistake.

Then again ultimatums are bad right? Not sure.

Dang it!!!
He came home before I could leave. I said "whatcha up to tonight" Him "nothing. Are you going out?" me "yeah-gonna go to a movie, transformers or Ratatoille...ya wanna come?"
Him "no. that's alright." Me "ok"
Then he looks at the mail and sees a movie and also that I am taking back a couple movies and he says "oh, there's movies."
And then I STUPIDLY say "Well, I don;t have any commitment to go to any particular movie. We could stay here and watch one of these." Him "no, you go ahead."
FCK! I totally screwed that up.

I thik he would jump at the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

hmm... that sucks. Did you still go to the movie? You can always try again tomorrow night. How about dinner with some friends? Friends can be ambiguous. You just don't know who might show up.

I have done that, too. My H acts totally fine if I am there or not. He has no interest in me at all. I am just a conduit for him to be with the kids. I REALLY need to make myself unavailable but it is such a hard habit to break. I want to be part of that regular family time. AAArrgh. I actually invited him along with my friends to a movie I know he really wanted to see. How stupid. He looked at me and said, "No thanks." Like that was such a stupid idea. The worst part is that one of my friends was bringing a dude that looks like David Bechkam.

I went and saw Ratatouille. Loved it. Pixar makes such great films. Of course, I like rodents and I like cartoons, so this was right up my alley.

I cried on the way to the movie, I got choked up waiting for the movie because *we* were supposed to see it and I went to 'our' theater, I got misty during the pre-show and Norah Jones song "don't know why" came on (recently I was practicing another song of hers to do for karaoke-if I ever got the nerve) and now I am avoiding going home by sitting outside a starbucks on a t-mobile hotspot. It probably doesn't matter if I go home- he's probably not there and even if he were, I might as well be invisible.

It's hard to make new friends as a grown up. I don't work in an office/large company setting and most of our friends are couples. He (on the other hand) has a whole single life already in place from when he would go out without me to bars and such with his friends. He also works for a VERY large company.

He hasn't really had a chance to look for an apt yet;he's been busy at work.

Right now, I am having a hard time 'embracing' the concept of growth. I just want to curl up and wake up when it's over. <sniff>

You know how they say indifference is the opposite of love? That's how my husband seems to be and that blows.

Yes, there are triggers EVERYWHERE! Does that just happen to us? Has my H seen one single trigger? I am so curious if they ever miss us? It is also very difficult for me to make friends at my age. Most of my friends have been in my life since childhood. I actually met my H as a teen. Luckily, I have reached out and opened up to some of my neighbours. Luckily, they have embraced me and my kids. It is such a great feeling to connect with other people. Open up and you would be surprised how many other people have been in your shoes.

At 2:30am I woke up because he was opening the bedroom door. He was sillouetted there and then quitely entered and for a split second, it was like this wasn't happening. Then I remembered.

He went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, then came and started taking the phone out of the wall (jack is behind bed headboard). Naturally I ask "why ya doin that?" and he says "I haven't gotten an alarm clock yet and I have to get up early." I find out how early and offer to wake him up.I really don't want to not have the phone in the bedroom. Then he asks how the movie was and I say "most excellent! I plan to get it when it comes out on video" and he (who has been walking around in his underwear) lays down sideways on the bed with his head propped up and says ""Most excellent"" How so?" So I proceed to explain exactly what was so great, how visually stunning it was and he was nodding and smiling and laughing when I said something funny. I'm done talking and he leans over and kisses my forhead and then takes my hand and kisses it. Then he gets up, makes another kissy noise, reconfirms that I don't mind waking him up and starts to leave. Then as he is opening the door to go, he says "Wow, it's nice and cool in here. I'm jealous." I say "yeah, well, that's what ya get bubba" and he kinda laughs and is gone. He had obviously been drinking so I think it brought down some of his walls. I know he is very concerned that he doesn't lead me on. Hopefully, that interaction cancels out me being a bozo and inviting him to go with me.

I woke him up early; when I knocked, opened the door and said "it's 7" he acknowledged with a kiss noise, I made one back. (Smart or not?-that is how we used to communicate.) I came downstairs, made coffee and hopped on the computer. He eventually came down, made himself coffee and gathered up stuff; he is obviously going out on the water today. I didn't ask. There is a comic who will be playing an outdoor venue tonight and I was watching some snippets of his act. J was about to depart, made a kissy noise said "Okay. well, see you later. Have a good day...Watcha watching?" (I was chuckling and he could hear audience laughter.) I said "Oh, just some comic who's going to be at Marymoor park tonight. I'm trying to decide if I'm going." He looks at me a with the "Oh really?" look and says "are you going?" I say, "I;m not sure yet. Still doing some research to see what my choices are tonight." He was smiling but looking a little bit baffled. And then off he went.

What do you think?