Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Need advice, please

Well, the day has arrived. She said nothing to me about the trip since she dropped the bomb Saturday. She didn't even pack last night. So this morning I went for out for a run, and when I got back she was gone (she did leave a note saying she has left for the airport). I was guessing that she would leave in the morning. This gives them a chance to squeeze in a "nooner" before their meeting this evening... then more fun tonight.

yoyo, this is a no-fault state. She can file and get a divorce without my cooperation. She even went so far as to tell me that if I claim she committed adultery in my response to her filing, she will file an argument that there was no adultery. What???? I will need to hire an attorney (she already has one), and tell (pay) him to stall.

Although I agree with the consensus that going camping is the perfect solution, it's probably not going to happen. Mother Nature is conspiring against me, as thunderstorms are forecast for the next few days here. We will find something to do outside the home. Probably dodge the raindrops an amusement park or something. But we will NOT be home when she arrives. I will see to that.

One more thing, before I forget. If you recall in the beginning of this thread, I mentioned that I was being a little extra nice to the wife (making her a special salad, etc). Coach advised against this, as it could be viewed as pursuing. Agree 100%. No more special effort from now on. Just gonna be cordial, and steer any extra effort or energy to the KIDS! They deserve the extra effort, not her. Bottom line: focus on GAL activities and kids!

Mark,

Being extra nice, when you are afraid of losing your wife, is always interpreted as weakness, chasing and desperation.

Not only focus on your kids, but focus on YOU.

--Theoden

Hey, need some more advice. I use VOIP at home, which gives me tremendous flexibility in programming my phone, all done via a web interface. One option is call filtering. I am considering programming my home phone so all calls from her cell to our home phone go directly to voice mail (and remove the filter when she returns). So if she wants to talk to the kids tonite, she will need to call my cell. The kids never answer my cell, so I can just ignore the call. When she returns, I can say that a phone was off the hook, and I didn't hear my cell ring at the amusement park. Oh well, too bad...

What do you all think? Is this a good idea? I just want to send her a message that I am not tolerating what she is doing. Also, personally, I DO NOT want to talk to her when she is on her "business trip" with OM. Your opinion, please?

I don't think I would tamper with the phone. Take the kids somewhere fun. That way when she calls you really won't be home. I'm sure then she will call your cell, most mothers would, but she is not most mothers right now, is she? If she calls your cell then you can choose not to answer. She will see that you are out having a great time with the kids, and they will tell her this also.

Oh yeah, one more suggestion, let the kids answer the home phone when she calls. If she wants to talk to you, be conveniently busy and say you can't come to the phone. Your son is is old enough to take messages if it is important.

OK, but here's my thinking: She is turning her back on ALL of us, not just me. I see this as acting on the kids' behalf. She doesn't deserve us.

Right now, the phone is programmed to go right to voice mail. I may switch it back this afternoon.

You are right she doesn't deserve ya'll, but she needs to see what she is missing. Let the kids be available, but you don't need to be available unless it is an emergencey.

I can empathize with you. I too feel like my H turned his back on our family. We are in the process of getting divorced. I was served about 3 weeks ago. When he wants to talk to our DDs 16 & 19 he calls their cell phones. That is about the only contact they have. Honestly, it kills me when they talk to him because I am so angry at him, but I know he is their father and they deserve to have the decision to whether they want to be around him or not. At this point about the only time they see him is if they need something from him. They don't just go "visit" him. Don't do anything to damage your relationship with the kids, they are smart they will see who is really working on being a family. My H has been "living" at his office for 9 months now. The real story is that he is having an affair with his secretary who also left her H the same time my H left me, what a coincidence. So if my daughters want to see him they have to go to his office to see him. Pretty sad,huh?

Hey Mark,

If you are the same mark that E-mailed me did ya get my reply?

As for the phone, don’t play their game. It's not worth your time. It is only a big deal if YOU make it one. I have not read you posts yet but sooner or later the tide does change. You no longer worry about what they are doing and THEY start worrying about want YOU are doing. Then the fun begins
Husband

Husband: thanks for sending the e-book. I have been following your thread as well, so also thanks for weighing in.

Regarding the e-book, the author recommends dating. Um, I'm not sure that is a good idea. I think dating would be counterproductive to DBing, and also I just don't want to see other people. I would much rather show how happy and independent I am. I would wager that most on this board would agree with me.

OK, OK... I will return the phone to normal. And I will not answer home phone if she calls. The kids will answer, though, which is fine with me. So she will not call my cell.

I'm still seethng a bit, in case you cannot tell...

Hey...

And ebook swap. I have several.

--theoden