Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? coping with abstinence???

how do you cope with abstinence? we separated a month ago and I miss sex, I miss just physical touch, so much I want to scream. At the same time, I know we can't be with each other right now...btdt, bought the t-shirt, regret it. And I don't want to have a fling with someone else. but still, its really hard. Yes, there are, um, ways, to take the edge of, but its not really the same.

any advice?

Not sure how to answer that one. Since my whole mess started that has actually been my last concern. I miss physical touch and ML, but at the moment has not been one of the things worried about.

When you have that feeling, do something else. When it hots me, I start cleaning the house. And right now, it's pretty spotless.

well as a male, I can say it was killer. The first couple of months it was the last thing on my mind, but as weeks turned into months and months turned into a year it became an issue...

It has become unimportant to me. I'm practically a born-again virgin!

Here's the thing, my wife never got what she needed out of me, which was emotional validation. So, she never got much out of sex. SO, I'm focusing on the emotional stuff, the sex can come when she is good an ready, when we get back together. It's important to me, but I've got to be there for her first, so it'll be a while, and that is OK.

I will have to admit that in the beginning it drove me crazy. Being around men or smelling certain after shaves drove me to the point that I thought I would/could have a one night fling. I'm glad I was smart enough to fight it.

Now, 2 years later it isn't as bad. Every now and again I still get the urge but as someone else said, find something to do. I also clean the house when I get this way. It gets easier with time.

The hell with them if the mice wants to go away then this cat is going to play. And it is much easier then I remember. The easy thing to replace is the sex now actually having it with someone I like would be great. Noting better then summer time at the Jersey Shore.

You just have to learn to deal with it. Going out and having affairs is going to push you completely away from your spouse, and your goal. You need to think if having sex with someone is ultimately going to bring you closer to your goal of saving your marriage. We are humans, not animals. Abstaining never hurt anyone.

i can't see how it pushes us further away at all. in fact often times i think they come back when they hear or see that you have moved on. we didn't ask for this, but if they give you lemons make lemonade.

Just my opinion but I guess it depends on if you want to save the marriage or not. I know that if my H cheats while we are apart I will file the papers myself. It definitely will push us away from my goal. I confess to not being the most passionate person while we were married but it has been a month and I think at this point I could probably put a hurtin on him! Classy, I know. I'm missing it too.