Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? IV neppah sgniht eseht od yhW

She could have been. I never put any real thought into it, nothing ever happened, more joking around on my part. But it could have been a building block in my wifes eyes, that and with the drinking I did just kept it building. So I am happy I told her what I did today, even though it never really crossed my mind and didn't think it was an issue in any way. But my wife probably has had that in the back of her mind for a couple years so me saying what I did might be a good thing.

Well the next 2 days are going to be long, I can tell already. Wifes entire family is coming to town for her grandmothers' funeral. The only part that I will be at is the actual funeral. This is what sucks, while her grandmother was sick a couple years ago, who was it that took her husband to the hospital every day, who made sure food was in the house, who went out of their way to make sure everything was taken care of.
Now who is the one being left out like an outcast. These are the times that hurt. Her family is more like my family than my own, but because of that is going on, I am the one who is left out.
I know no one can help my wife and I, but I don't think anyone in her family is even pro marriage, even though if we get divorce she will be the first in her family. They all know what has happened in our marriage, they all say nothing was divorce worthy, especially with all that has come out and the changes that have been going on. It is not that I want them to get involved, I know that will not help. It is the acting like nothing matters, our marriage, our family, our son, everything is just fine and who cares.

Take care of you and your son during this time. If she'll let you be there for her. If not all you can do is give her space. I know this sucks! I'm actaully having to tell myself the same thing at the moment. Nothing about our sitch is nice. All we want is our family. Hopefully one day our S's want that too.

I know what you mean about the non family support. My family is supportive but his just sit back and tell him whatever you want is fine we'll support you no matter what. UGH. Course he doesn't talk to his parents so this time around that's not an issue.

The only thing I know about her thoughts on the funeral is what she has said. I asked her a couple weeks back if she would like me to be their, her response "you can come if you want, I wouldn't tell you that your not allowed." Not yes, not yes you need to be their for son and I, nothing, just come if you want.

Her parents are the same way. You would think I was some killer or rapist. When I am around them which has not been much since this all started, I might as well be some stranger. Her mom asked me during fathers day weekend what was the matter, I told her that I feel like this outcast that no one wants around, but gets invited out of pity or whatever, she had no response.

Well it wasn't a no either.... I mean when I offered to take my H his pills yesterday he said I'm not going to say no. So he didn't say yes but..

Yeah my in laws never accepted me as part of the family and I figure as far as they're concerned if we D no big deal. I'm sure they feel awkward not sure how to react around you. Since this is affecting more then just you and your W. It's just a weird sitch all around for everyone. Don't you just want to shake her and say wake up? I know I do.

That's just it, I was taken in by her family, her mom and dad have been my mom and dad. I have bent over backwards to be their for them in any way possible. I have driven from Las Vegas to where they live to help out on a weekend. I have driven from Sacramento to where they live to help her sister and her husband to move into a new house. They all have plenty of friends and family and could have done it with out me. But who drives 4+ hours to help with mundane projects or to move, family does. That is what I did, but now because of what there daughter is doing, I am the evil one. I am the one being punished for my past. Yes the alcohol was bad, never said it wasn't. But I have never hit, molested, called names, or anything else to my wife. I was a happy drunk, I know that is no better than a pissed off drunk, but I usually had good time and fell asleep. So no, I was not their for her when I should have been. Now I am and it seems to late in everyones eyes. Maybe they are right.

Yes I do, I honestly could say that it would probably work if she wouldn't get mad at me for shaking her,

I know it sucks to know you've changed and you screwed up but your S can't seem to give you another chance. But if we stop and think about how long did they live with US not being there for them? At least that's how I'm trying to look at it. I know he's messed up several times in the past and each time I've said okay we go on from here. Now it feels like he can't do the same for me. Maybe he just needs time to get past the hurt and maybe he'll come back. I mean he does say sometimes he believes me so maybe with more time. Maybe your W just needs time to heal.

Shaking mine wouldn't do anything to wake him up. Seems to take a house fire to do that.

Yes she stuck around for 10 years of it. Yes I have only stopped drinking for 4 months. Also in that 4 months I have come out with my past, my anger, my hurt. I know none of that is her fault, I know I should have come forward years ago, but I cannot explain why I didn't. With all that said, I just wasn't an alcoholic, I was traumatized young, was fighting back the only way I knew how, even though it was wrong.

I was thinking last night, and no it is not something I would do, but if we get divorced I would like to go to my sons wedding and when her, I and our son "the groom" are all standing together, I would love to tell him. "By the way, if you get unhappy or don't want to make this marriage work, you can just file for divorce and find someone new. Ask your mom how it works."
I know that is evil, but would love to see her face.

Right now all you can do is better yourself and be there for your son and W if she wants. Hardest thing in the world to back off and let them be I know. Maybe one day she'll realize you have changed and this isn't an act or something to get her back.

I hear that. That's what the world thinks these days though. Hate that way of thinking.