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You can do it!

Good luck!!! Remember, if what your going to say is not going to help, DONT SAY IT

We are hear for you, be calm, cool, and collected! I know it will be hard but it will be worth it!

Well, just when you think things can't get any worse. She sat down and told me that she is going to be leaving and staying at her female friends house for a while. She said she cannot continue living in a home pretending to feel something that she doesn't. That her feelings have changed and I know that. It was killing me to hear all of this. She was saying all of this while crying. I did my best but broke down a few times one of which was when we talked about my mother's birthday party on Wednesday. She said that she would come if they still wanted her to. I told her that they love her just like I do and that they always will. I told her that I understand that her feelings change, but that could mean they could change again. That we were so happy just a short time ago and we can get back there. I said that I need to get counselling for myself and that I think that we should go to MC together. She said that she would but she still needed to get away and get some time, and that she didn't feel like it was going to help her change anything at all. I told her that I can understand why she would feel that way but I asked her to promise to approach it with an open mind because if she goes in there saying to herself that this is not going to work, then it probably wouldn't. She understood and agreed. I told her (through tears) that no matter what I was going to be here for her if she ever needed me. I asked her what was going to happen going forward. She said that she was going to female friends' house and would sleep there tonight and then tomorrow her father is coming into town. I asked her if there is going to be contact and she said that she could not just shut me out of her life. I feel completely emotionally drained right now. I have never cried like this before, and I feel like such a wimp but the hurt is overwhelming. I don't know how I am going to do moving forward. I cannot even imagine how difficult this is going to be. I am so afraid that she will never come back. Watching her pull away was so incredibly difficult. We hugged and cried before she left. This cannot be the end of this. I have tried too hard the last 5+ months and built too strong a bond over the last 10 years. God, please help me.

You did fine. Well really. I know this is hard, and you should go ahead and accept the emotions. They are very normal and appropriate.

I want you to try to understand that her leaving is not the end of this. It really isn't. It took me a long time to accept that, but it may be good for your sitch and it may be an absolute requirment to any healing. Think about that. That view is the healthiest way for you to approach this, but it will take some time to get there I'm sure. She needs time and space to figure things out. Give it to her. It will increase your chances of successful DBing.

I know it hurts, but this is not the end. As a wise poster here told me when I was in your exact spot, separation is not the boogey man. There are lots of positives. For one, she is willing to go to MC. Don't feel like you need to start this tomorrow, but it is a good sign. Start it in the next few weeks. Find an excellent therapist - solution based, goal oriented, pro-M.

I have to run for a lunch appointment, but I will check back on you later.

Stewart,

Man I feel for you! You mentioned God there, and I think if you have any type of church you attend then it may be a good time to seek some personal help, and pray as well. I'm not a big church person, but I do think I'm pretty spirtual and the praying I think is saving my sanity.

Don't make any rash decisions. Once the W leaves she will have that space, give it to her. It starts her thinking and clarity process and she will start thinking about you. Stand for yourself and go to a game with the guys or some other activities you and your friends enjoy.

I think you have handled things well and should be proud of yourself. Remember you control you.

((((Stewart))))

You did a great job, the others are right, you need to give her the space, and just get on with your own life, I know it will be hard, but it what has to happen, don't sit and wait for her to change her mind, you need to show her your ok and you need to see that for yourself too! You will be fine and you will come through this!.
Things will get easier to deal with little by little, that I am sure of!

Stewart, I am sorry that this has happened, but it may be a good thing. She needs time and space, she needs to miss you and I know how hard that is to hear because it's hard for me too, I want to cry everytime my W leaves for the night, but I maintain a PMA at all times around her. I believe that evetually she will realize that things were'nt as bad as they seemed.

She just texted me asking me if I was okay. Then she asked if I was at her boss' house this morning around 4 am? Uh-oh. Any advice?


Thank you all so much for your recent support. It has helped me through a very difficult day for me. I am so very lucky to have this opportunity to get some really effective advice and support while I go through this. I feel bad that my W does not have the same opportunity.

You think she will ask it again? If so, lets think about it, if not, just ignore it. No rule says you have to respond to a text message right now. 48 hrs + on this one.