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You said it! I remember helping him move out to this apt - THAT was one of the worse days of my life. We are slowly moving him back - did all his clothes, toiletries and some of the food. We have the apt thru Aug. so we can take our time. We did use the apt pool Sun. afternoon. But since our kids are not home we have total freedom at the house we do not need to use the apt for any date nights!

This AM was working out and watching videos - so many songs make you sad. Don't get me wrong I love the fact he is home but there seems to be more of my hurt bubbling to the surface these last few days...

Baby steps...

HB

~HB,
Fabulous news...

AND yes as this starts to sink in you will have all those feelings bubble up . Just watch that they dont boil over.

I was confused when I first started piecing too. I was supposed to be elated and I was for a bit and then the emotions started "bubbling up" for me too. You have a great support system here, you will do just fine! Baby steps....is right.
God bless.
~Ali

We had a great weekend - he planned a date night at the local drive in - just like when we dated 20 yrs ago!! And yes we saw the movies - ok some of the second one! Ha

Then Sunday AM I received an email from OW asking me to tell the H to leave her alone - totally opposite of what he's been telling me (she has been txting, calling and emailing though he has not responded). She is really desperate right now trying to get us to fight and letting H know that she is in love with a new guy - wow that took only 6 days since her last email to H. She moves fast.

We are just ignoring her and hope it dies down! I told H I do not care to see a rabbit boiling on my stove top. This OW crap is getting old - why can't she just let it go....

Day by day - baby steps!

Have a great week!

HB

HB,

She is looking like the psycho -- which she truly is.

I'm glad for you.

Please keep up GAL activities.

I think something NEW might be in order. What haven't you tried before? This will replace some of the grief from the affair.

It will also help you discover you best, true self.

--Theoden

We talked about getting certified for scuba diving - for years now. Maybe we need to pursue that one...

We did go boat shopping this past weekend - but this would be for next summer - I want to take it slow! With MI's economy there are a lot of deals out there right now!

Thanks for your wonderful input, Theo!!

HB

HB,

I'm listening closely:

We talked about scuba certification. We talked about getting a boat.

I like the we talk. That's fine and necessary. There's a need to re-build the we. I know you are all about the team.

However.....

Remember, part of what gives the WAS spouse power in the relationship is the LBS's belief that they can only be happy if there is a we. It might, perhaps, be too easy for you to go want to set the clock back when there was a we. The new wethat you build with your husband will only work if YOU know who YOU are. There needs to be new HB before there's a new we.

I think you are moving towards the new HB.

Please don't short circuit this important step. Your GAL activities still need to be about YOU. And don't ever give that up. Your husband needs to be in awe of who YOU are.

And for that matter, your husband needs to find himself and GAL on his own terms, otherwise, his personal demons will re-surface down the line.

If you recall, your husband felt he became invisible in the we that you guys used to be. Who is driving the we activities now? If it's you, please consider backing off. If it's him, you might step back and also encourage him to find things that mean something to HIM. It's possible that part of his desire to do we activities is to set the clock back, too.

Congratulations on winning the war. Now it's time to win the peace.

--Theoden

Theo,

I KNEW that was what you were going to reply when I was typing
it yesterday! WOW - talk about getting to know someone!!

You are right - I do need to keep the GAL going. I am still working out - though being much happier has added a few pounds back on. I feel great physically, but I do need to add some activities just for me. I have been reading fun books for once too!

I am totally letting H plan any major activities that we are doing currently - which is a total 180 since I was always known as the 'Julie McCoy' in the family.

H starts coaching football 6 days a week beginning August 6th with our son - so then I will have way more free time to pursue what I want. I will need to start thinking about that - I feel I am ready for some DIY painting projects I have been putting off. Now that I feel we are moving forward and staying in this house I can put some energy into that - my gardens need a lot of work too! I have more than enough to do - but also need to find something for me that I have a passion for! I will start thinking about this!

As always thanks for your input! I hope you are taking your own advice to heart!!! I know we are all better at giving advice - much harder to follow it ourselves!

Happy Tuesday (darn I was thinking it was already Wed.)! HB

HB,

Yep...I'm going to start Karate in a couple of weeks. Hold me accountable.

Things are still pluggin' along just fine! We took a day trip this past Saturday to the 'thumb' area of MI. Boat hunting and antique mall shopping - fair compromise! Found nothing in either category!!

OW has been holding back from any contact for now - we will see if it lasts - maybe she realizes this is it this time?

H had some interesting comments - he said it's hard to realize how stupid he was and he feels stupid every time we talk about how hard it was for him to end it...

I still have fears that he will waffle again - but I am not thinking about it nearly as much and my periods of sadness seem to have dwindled. It's amazing when we are out doing stuff with others we forget that all this has happened...

We are just taking day by day - happy to be togther!

Everyone have a great week!

HB

Hello,

Thought I'd update - hard to share my positives when I see so many LBS going through some awful sh*t right now.

H and I are doing fine....good actually...

I am still being guarded - but have fewer and fewer sad episodes. We just passed the one yr anniv. where he gave me the note that ILYBNILWY and that we should D...WOW a whole year has gone by...

We are in the process of buying a boat - cruiser cabin sleep 4 - so we are planning some fun family times for next year.

We celebrated our son's 10th bday yesterday and H actually helped me shop and picked out the major gift (book shelf stereo). This is a 180 for him!

The good things about us is we are communicating much better - I always thought we did talk but now we are more than superficial. I am no longer on eggshells - telling him what I need out of this R, as he tells me his needs...

All our friends have been VERY supportive of me and of H and are happy we are reconciling. It's funny how our lives turn on a dime and to hear how my H felt during the EA/PA times and how/why our WAS do what they do. It is also very scary how easy our M could have just ended - especially if I had not DB'ed my butt off. H now thanks me for not letting go or for giving up - for being a force he had to deal with.

There is a quote I have taped to my monitor:

There is more in us than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives we will be unwilling to settle for less. ---by Kurt Hahn

I like to think I will not ever settle again - I feel this crisis we went through had to happen in order to be with H for the rest of my life. We are a new couple - a new family and we continue to grow each day.

I pray for all my DB friends here...

Have a wonderful week!

HB