Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? IV neppah sgniht eseht od yhW

I can live with it, it is my son that I am worried about. I cannot handle his pain. I have been doing what I can to give it every shot possible, but it is kind of hard when two people can be present in the same room and your by yourself. I cannot get a peep out of her, she has withdrawn from everything. If I had to guess what she was thinking while I was picking up our son last night, it would be that she wished I was dead, her life would be so much easier, she wouldn't have to have any excuses of what went wrong and why she did not want to lift a finger to see if anything could be salvaged. When son and I arrived at my place, the first thing he did was pull out our photo album of the wedding. Then kept asking why mom hated me when in the pictures she seemed so happy. I wanted to answer "because I am still here", but I behaved myself and just told him that sometimes people go thru some problems and not always happy.

I know. Whenever me and H are in the same place it's like he can't get away from me fast enough. I think part of their actions when with us in person is guilt. What they're doing to the kids, and us, and wondering if this is right. Cause when we aren't face to face yeah we still have our moments but he can also joke around and be nice. I'm sure your son is in pain. It's the kids that suffer the most. My problem is yeah they're sad daddy isn't around but if in the end he comes back then the pain is short term. Whereas if I force him to choose or on my own decide I'm done then the kids have a lifetime of pain ahead. And no I don't know that won't happen anyway. As much as we're hurt in this sitch our kids hurt worse. And it KILLS me to know my kids are feeling this. It hurts worse to know that their dad may not be able to get over this and come back and THAT will hurt them more then a few months of mommy and daddy being apart. They're going to ask tough questions and us being the LBS don't really know the answers. We just have to do the best we can and make sure not to make our spouses out to be bad people to them. I've seen first hand what that does to kids (my SS) and it's awful.

You know I really have no idea if I'm making sense. I know what I'm trying to say but whether it's coming out right who knows. My brain is scattered my heart is hurting and I'm frustrated with my H.

I just think we need to chill out and try to let what our S's say roll off. Maybe they'll be saying something different tomorrow or in an hour. Which I know is hard because I'm trying it as we speak.

I will never blame my wife, especially to our son. I would rather take all the blame and let the two of them be happy.

I wasn't implying that you would. I just have seen how that destroys the parent/child relationship and know that even though this is my H's doing I won't turn our kids against him.

My first wife blamed me, even though she had the affair and asked for the divorce. I love my oldest with all my heart, but in all actuality I have not been around him as much as I would of liked for the last 12 years. It pains me to watch my son/sons grow up from a distance. I don't want to go thru this again. Just want it to all go away.

Yeah, she talked, said she was still done and wanted a divorce.
So I will give it to her.

That's the point, she won't file. It would be her fault in her eyes. So I will do it for her, then she doesn't have to take the blame, I will let myself be the bad guy.

I must run. Be back tonight.

Which is the big thing I can't wrap my brain around with my H. He isn't able to be there for his oldest (he lives in FL) and now wants nothing to do with him. So I don't understand why he wants 2 more to one day grow up and tell him he left a hole in their lives and they don't need him anymore.

I still say take some time don't do anything rash. If this is what she wants then let her do it. That's at least how I feel with my H. Because this isn't what I want so I'm not going to make is easy for him.