Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? IV neppah sgniht eseht od yhW

My W said the same thing. She didn't start to change until we got into counseling. Her problem is that her family was ALL in OUR business and they did more harm than helping. The same thing is going on right now. They need to back out of our issues. My W's problem is that every time she gets upset, instead of working through things, she runs to her dad and gets the whole family involved.



Don't give up asking. Maybe do so, every six weeks or so. Just to check in. If she says, no. Then drop the issue immediately. If she said, not yet, that is an optimistic response. Right now, she is not read. She may be ready in the future. What have you done to address your drinking? Have you sought counseling or AA groups? My advice is that when you start seeking out these supports that you apologize to your W for your drinking issues in the past and tell her how your life will be different with these new changes. Paint a picture of a positive future for the family. Don't beg in the letter, just state how these changes will make a more positive future for YOU. Don't say, US.

Well mine does not go run to anyone, she justs clams up and does not talk to anyone that I know of. I keep telling myself it is a positive, she is not going around telling people that we are getting a divorce. Only our good friends even know that we are separated. I will just keep working on myself.







Well I haven't given up on counseling, just know that she is not ready yet. As for myself, I went thru a 30 day alcohol rehab stint and have not had a drop. Went to a couple of AA meetings, excuse my rudness, but they all want to keep drinking, not my crowd to be around. She knows the changes, she can't miss them. Heck my son is loving it. I have told her how I want to be different, a better dad, better friend, better husband, etc..
I have stopped talking about that part of it with her, she knows. I think she is just afraid, afraid of what might happen if she tries and I end up drinking, I have no other way of putting it. I can just show her over time, and I have lots of that.

Well I took off on my fist adventure, not going to do that again. I drove all the way up to Fort Bragg Ca, for a late lunch and then turned around and drove back. Never seen so many miles of nothing. But hey, I didn't sit at home and do nothing, I just sat an drove.
Next one is to Lake Tahoe, at least something to see when I get to the lake.

Enjoythe scenery. Driving can be very therapeutic. I listen to my Light Your Fire Cds in my car and they just brighten me up immediately.

Our families are trying to out talk each other! My mom is actually bragging about the men she has given my phone number to already. She brags that I can get a much richer man than my H. His aunts tell my H how I am not a loving wife. It is awful that people take sides. Everyone wants us together but they go about it in an awful way. My mom thinks if he is penniless and jealous he will come back to me. She is his boss/ business partner and threatens she will fire him. Families need to butt out!

Well just told she is still done and wanting divorce. So when I get back from my vacation I am giving it to her. I will make the appointment for a mediator so we do not have to go the lawyer route. I tried, probably for not a long enough time DB'ing, but I am going to set her free. Will set myself free also.

Yeesh... I just today have read a handful of posts where everyone is hearing bad things from their S's. Or negative things mine included. Is there something in the water, full moon?

I'm sorry to hear that. Could it still be she's fighting with herself. She's saying this but maybe that isn't what she really wants? I hope no matter what the outcome you'll be okay with yourself and know you did everything you could.

I have no clue to what she really wants, I am tired of it. I am still going forward to take care of myself and my son. I am not going to allow her to make my life miserable. Her "games" or whatever you call it is taking a major toll on our son. Part of the reason I have been trying and doing stuff for myself is to make it work for our family, not just me. Divorce is going to suck for him, but what she is doing is making it just as bad or worse in my eyes. If it is going to end in any eventuality then start the process of healing now, don't make our son have to suffer any longer than he needs.
Sorry just in a piss poor mood with no answers, damn just like any other day. At least I can put it behind me, her loss.

Am I right, wrong or just being plain stupid?

Any help with my thought process would be helpful.

I can understand being frustrated and tired of this rollercoaster. Only you can say when enough is enough. Just ask yourself if you quit now will you regret not trying longer?

This game sucks. Especially for the kids and your right in wanting to protect your son. I'm still under the thinking that I need to do anything and everything I can to keep my marriage. Will I be able too? I don't know. At the moment it's out of my hands because I can't control my H. I just believe when kids are involved you should do everything you can to keep your marriage in tact. I'm not implying that you haven't. Only you know this.

Mayve you shouldn't do anything in the mood your in. Just think on it. See how you feel tomorrow or in a few days. Don't make any rash decisions.

Not sure I'm the one that should be offering advice. My H has my emotions all over the place today.