Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Getting started

waw,

I do hope it helps -- look into the healing separation too if you can afford to buy the book (or if you can find it on some bookstore shelf or local library).

I was wondering if, as a WAW, you could look at something that happened to me on Tuesday night that I posted. I'm sure it's not a big deal and that I'm investing a lot of hope in it when I shouldn't be, but if you could read it and give me your two cents on it I would greatly appreciate it. link

Thanks!

GD

No problem. Anything to help a fellow DB'er.

You rock, waw -- thanks for your opinion (hope you're not just buttering me up! :)).

Being that my W is a WAW and she is in a new R with OM (3 1/2 months now), do you really think she'd be "dismayed" that I didn't mention her at all?

Thanks again!

Yes! All woman, even when involved with another man, want the previous man to mention them.

I wouldn't butter you up, but try not to read too much into it.

Def. sounds positive though.

WAW
I have spent the last hour reading thru everything (for the most part!).
Wow, do I have some questions for you.

One at a time though. I think as Nomo so eloquently posts, a lot of what you say is alien to those men who have WAW's. My biggest one is the space issue. You describe almost everything I have heard and see in my W.

Can you shed light for all of us (and maybe repeat what you have already said as I know it will help more than just me) on how physical space can make things better? If he was non-pushy on all the issues you resent him for and you just coexisted for a while and he GAL while letting you be, would that be sufficient?

You are very brave to put up with all of us men who just dont get women, that is our problem. We are simple creatures, I think someone pointed out that what might work is if you actually just wrote down what you want from him to make it work (not knowing if it will) it just might make a difference!

Thanks in advance.

That's funny, because the tattoo I was thinking of getting involves one or more dancing bears.

I think thats great Nomo. I just finally got my own homage to the GD a few months back. I went with a dancing terrapin! I have been thinking about a bear at some point but I am running out of places to put one. Is this part of your "plan"?

I would be blown away if my DH got a tattoo! I have been sort of the rebel of the family with the ink & peircings while he still have virgin skin...

Sure thing. For me, physical space is required because part of what got me here was peaceful co-existance. Even though I was extremely unhappy & dissatisfied with our M I stuck around long after I should have because we were able to function on a day to day basis without confrontation. So in my case, this actually lead to more disdain for my H. We are both conflict avoiders so while "peacefully co-existing" the resentments and hurts continued to grow and fester to the point where I emotionally divorced him. He didn't want to take action when I spoke up. The only thing that got his attention was when I said I was leaving. This was a last ditch effort on my part. But I waited way way too long! This is where as a WAW I feel that I failed. Because I let things get so far gone before I took drastic action that now the road back up the mountain so to speak, is going to be very long and bumpy. My H basically has to start from scratch. I have nothing left in my heart.

As I explained to H, I need to *want* to see him, date him and be near him. Right now, I have no interest and seeing him everyday with all of those annoyances ain't cutting it. Being away and having my own space I can start to miss him (I hope). I haven't read your sitch yet, but in mine there is no OM so time away from H and D4 is generally very lonely. Lots of good self reflection and working on me.

Hope this helps explain what your W might be feeling. I will check your sitch and see if I can ofer any insight for you.

Okay nomo, now I'm freaking out! In my list of possible tat's is also a dancing bear (W and I almost got matching ones in Europe several years ago!). Yet another eerie similarity...

waw,

what do you think about guys and piercings? Is there any style or appeal to this anymore?