Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Where is my wife?

Hey Chrome, your post has a happy birthday cake next to it. If it is indeed your birthday, then Happy Birthday!

MrsGGB seems to still be in a "I have sex because it is what you want" mode rather than doing it for herself, which makes it pretty unfulfilling for me. For example, she'll perform oral on me when she senses that I'm getting frustrated with the lack of intimacy, but she will usually not let me do it to her, and more often than not IC is not on her preferred activities list either. Then she gets hurt that I'm disappointed. It's becoming obvious to me that we have some major communications issues to work through, but neither of us seem to be able to get over the hump to get moving on it. Oh well, I'm doing the snoopy dance for you.

... a lot of this is about me "plowing" through the first and second level defenses and being confident in who I am. In the past I had "packaged" myself as a man who didn't know what he wanted and didn't care enough to be steadfast in his life goals. I was inadvertently training her to disrespect me because I didn't respect myself. A perfect example of what blackfoot used to call "mirroring." Give your W a model of how you want your R to be and she can run with it, good or bad. I'm just running with the good now. I like to sit and stare at her now while I think about having sex with her. Really gets her unnerved. Works a lot better than sitting there complaining about her being on the computer too much. LOL

Chrome, Am I reaching too far to say that it sounds like you have done some work on yourself and your attitude about yourself? You "sound" much more confident and even when you mention what is still left to improve with your relationship you sound more excited about the challenge rather than down about what is left.

Are you still seeing the counselor and talking about what you want in life?

Oh and I think the respecting yourself has MANY positive effects. First like you mentioned it is hard for people to respect people who do not respect themselves - the mirroring you refer to. And second it would be hard for you to respect your wife if you do not respect yourself.

Have your health concerns and your wife's concerns been completely dealt with? I think I remember seeing that your wife had started taking some hormones. Is she still and has that helped?

AND most importantly have a very Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're in a fairly good position, all things considered. Imagine if you went to a job interview and, instead of being turned down flat, they kept bringing you back for more interviews every couple of weeks until you wowed 'em?

That's your situation right now. She's giving you as much as she can, and she's giving you plenty of chances to give her that certain something that she needs to let herself go over the edge.

I can't tell you exactly what that is, but it will unquestionably involve a good dose of playfulness and confidence. Start at her comfort zone, playfully push her boundaries a bit, and see where you end up.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I have a special present for you. A "new" position that I think might work well for you and your wife if I'm remembering your relative heights and vital statistics correctly. I don't know what it's really called but I call it:

THE CEDAR POINT!

1) Enter from behind on sides in spoon position. Roll to your back bringing her along so that she ends up on her back on top of you slightly to the side. If your heights are right you should catch her neck in your arm/ shoulder joint. Legs will be semi-intertwined boy girl boy girl. Place hand closest to her head on a breast. Place free hand on clitoris. Fasten safety belts and proceed with caution. ( I highly recommend that any woman who wishes to experience the Cedar Point should first spend several months doing the Denise Austin workout with special emphasis on the Butt Blaster segment because this will greatly increase both the arched tension of the position and the earthquake-like orgasmic potential. Of course, the unique pin-down achieved in this position pretty much limits your participation in the event to some "up elevator" moves so a few months of Kegeling would also be advised.)

P.S. I am going to meet somebody from the BB IRL too! I am so excited! But not Blackfoot. Maybe you can ask him what the real name of the position is or maybe NOP knows. I couldn't find it in my manuals but I didn't look real hard.

GGB,

Even with my recent enlightenment and SL improvements, I still find myself feeling like Mrs. GGB sometimes. I will take care of cac because I know he wants it and I really don't. I think my attitude is different about that now, though, because doing this for him is much more about loving him than about simply scratching his itch. He will offer to reciprocate, of course, and I could take him up on it, but for various reasons, I sometimes don't.

I recently re-read "The Five Love Languages" and re-confirmed that my primary LL is quality time. I have observed that I DO desire cac (and it's a fairly strong desire) when I have been spending quality time with him, such as being out to dinner with him or out at a friend's house. I also feel desire for him when we've been discussing/arguing about our M, and have surprised him by initiating a few times. It's the interaction that I crave with him that I don't get as often as I would like. We have to work on that.

So, what is Mrs. GGB's LL? Have you observed any changes in her desire when she is feeling loved in her love language?

Mrs CAC,
Heres is acts of service. She goes out on a limb doing things for me (like going out and buying all the provisions for my upcoming trip to Oshkosh -- I'm going to camp with two of my sons, she's staying home with the rest of the brood). Her "servicing" me orally is feeling like an AOS to me, and that is sort of killing it for me. It's pretty obvious that it isn't at the top of the list of things she wants to do but she does it because I like it. The problem is, to me AOS doesn't do anything for building intimacy, in fact most of the things she does are in the background, not with me. AOS and gift giving are the LL's I scored lowest on. AOS is also very hard for me to pull off. I haven't noticed more than a small difference in her when I do AOS for her.

Another issue compounding the lack of intimacy is that I seem to be developing ED. As a result I am becoming even more gun shy when it comes to initiating because I don't know if the equipment will be able to keep up. This shouldn't be happening, as I am only 46, and am in better physical shape than I've ever been before.

GGB,

Sorry to hear about the ED. Have you seen the doc? Don't let it become a vicous cycle - get things checked out.

How is the GGB - 6 pack of kidlets?

Karen

Karen,
Thanks for weighing in. Matter of fact, I did go to the doc just today for my physical. I've got to go back for a blood work-up (fasting), they'll be checking for diabetes, testosterone and a couple other things.

The kiddies are wearing us out, mostly S17 who is depressed, can't sleep at night, is having self esteem issues & girlfriend issues (father won't let her see him, concerned about physicalness of R). The two little ones, now 2 and 3, are partners in crime and almost impossible to contain. That, and they wake up the birds every morning, that is before they wake up the rest of the house. Lately, they've been up by 5am. S17 has had a noticible affect on our R because his problems always come up during "our" time. Not a lot of fun in the GGB household right now. It has to get better though.

Chrome,

Do a little dance make a little love get down to night. Sounds like things are much better in the chrome household then the last time I checked in on ya!

kids are tiring... I feel you.. believe me. I have a 4 yold and a 20 month old and they are terrible sleepers. it wears on you..Sounds like things are only getting better for you and Im glad!

Oh and Happy Birthday!!