Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? D Busted...Now Back Here

I would send a letter or email back agreeing with her. Yes, you are adults and you want to work things out without attorneys. Yes, you will do your best to comply with the food choices. Etc.

I would echo Sara's thoughts.

Respond in agreement. She doesn't want to be buddies or anything YET.

Cool.

Don't believe anything they say and 1/2 of what they do.

First step towards being buddies is being in agreement. Let her work through the pain. Deserved or not, she feels you broke trust. Nothing but time will heal that, so give it time and space. Let her miss you. Do it in an honoring, loving way. In full agreement, happily and quickly. Anything she is saying now is a defense mechanism to protect that part of her that trusted and was hurt as a result. Is that the whole entire truth of your situation? Of course not. Yet because she perceives things in this way you have to deal with it until her head is clear and she can see properly that you are trustworthy, she can be open to you and you won't hurt her.

So, diligently pursue peace. Agree, be happy, and listen with patience and love. Agree quickly so you move towards becoming a safe place again for her.

We know this doesn't mean to sign anything or get lawyers involved quickly. This means to agree with her and allow strife to cease, quickly. Getting congruent with her is the only way to get on the ally side of things.

Don't allow your emotions to run you dude, we all know how destructive that can be. A friend said to me, let your emotions subside before you decide. It was his grandmothers mantra.

Makes sense to me.

Tyler...can you e-mail me kausion287@hotmail.com...I am about to run and pick up D3. I had a question for you.

Hello OneWish, I have been checking up on you, just haven't posted.
I have nothing to really add, just would be echoing the other that have already posted. Just hang in, it will all be good.

I texted my W to let her know that I will pick up D3 today. My W calles and says, to call her before I come because she may not be home. I said okay. I then texted her (she doesn't always answer). I drive 30 minutes to her neighborhood and she calls and says, where are you. I told her I am in front of your house. She said, I am 30 minutes away and I will be heading over towards your side of town shortly. I am pissed. I thought before I spoke. Why couldn't my W tell me, hey, I will be in this area? I then meet her to pick up D3, I said it is not worth it to argue over this.

I get there and D3 is crying. My W said that D3 said that she doesn't want to go watch fireworks with me. My W said that D3 should have a say, if she doesn't want to go, then she shouldn't have to go. I told my that the other night D3 was crying because she didn't want to leave me to go home, she was happy. My W turns around in her car and asks D3 if she didn't want to come home the other night (WTF!). D3 was still crying during this whole time. I told my W, give D3 a hug, she is always fine, this is just hard on her because she wants to be with both of us and she is torn. My W said that we need to look into whether D3 wants to go or not. I told my W that I regret my mistakes and a D3 is having a hard time because this happens with a D. My W then stated to not even bring that up. I told her to give D3 a kiss and hug so we can leave because this is making it even more difficult. I take D3 and hand her to my W, she gives her a hug. I put D3 into her car seat and my W is looking out through her window with sad puppy eyes. I am thinking to myself, this is what YOU are CHOOSING to do. D3 is crying until we get home. My W calls two times, I didn't pick up the phone. She leaves a VM asking how D3 is doing. I told her she just stopped crying and now she is doing well and is happy. My W suggested that we look into D3 having what she wants, i.e. if she doesn't want to leave. I said, we also need to look into how D affects kids. My W said don't even go there. I said she wants both of us to live together, she wants me to spend the night, she is asking and wanting a lot, but unfortunately, she can't have what she wants. I then told my W that I, D3, and she had fun at the circus, right. W said that she went when asked if she had fun.

W then texts me, "Honestly. Ur effin nuts talking about how divorce affects kids wen ur the 1 who left us + u were telling D3 u were gonna get an apt + she'd have her own room! ooh! U have no idea."

I chose to cease communication. I am ignoring her and going dark from here on out. To address her text. Last time, it was fine because she kicked me out! How selective her memory is. This time I leave because I am being treated like crap. I try to come back 2 weeks later and she tells me she is done after me being gone 3 days. I did make the comment about the apt, after my W made a comment about me needing a court order to see D3. I was just reacting out of emotions. Now, she will have her OWN room in my new apt. Seems like my W has a difficult time knowing that I am a man and capable of supporting myself and D3. She is upset now that I am in an apartment complex and there are other people there who will show interest in me.

I just need to stop responding and reacting to whatever she says. Just agree and shut up.

I went out with some friends at work and had a great time. I heard so many good things about me that my head was about to explode...lol...I am going to enjoy the rest of my day with D3 and now let my W affect my mood or time with D3.

Sorry but a 3 year old should not decide who or where they are going to stay. That is the parents job. She should not be asking her questions like that, she is in no position to understand what is going on, but she knows that she is being made to decide at times and that is just not good.

Ditto.

I feel optimistic with this at this point. My W is very co-dependent with D3. The last time that we separated for 6 months and got back together, my W told me that it was so hard to be without D3. She always missed her and wanted her to be with her. My W does see that this separation is affecting D3 and this may cause her to start to consider her actions. To take come accountability or something. My W use to have D3 24/7. She is able to take D3 to work with her all day. She was always with D3 unless she I was with her and she had an errand or appointment. Now she is without her a lot now and she is so emotionally unstable. Oh well, this is reality and she is experience the reprocussions of HER decision to leave the marriage. She fails to see that she is the one now making the poor choice.

AT the bottom of the thread page, is some more with articles, check out the ones involving kids.

I let go of my W's tirade and had a great day with D3. We went swimming and I didn't text my W back at all. It got dark and we went to watch fireworks. My W texts me when the fireworks started and asked if I was on my way. I texted back and said the fireworks just started. I then sent her a text suggesting that D3 could spend the night. My W wrote back, "We told D3 that she didn't want to spend the night + we told her that she will see her mommy tonight". I replied, D3 is having fun, she wants to spend the night, and she does fine once she gets to my house. My W then called. I didn't answer. We are enjoying the show. W leaves a message, "I want to hear from D3 that she said she wants to spend the night." Huh, WHATEVER! You are not controlling me. D3 then falls asleep and I put her in bed. My W calls, I pick up and she asks how D3 is doing. I told her that she fell asleep and I'll drop her off tomorrow. W asked where we watched fireworks and if I have pajamas for her. Told my W, yes, I do and where we watched fireworks. Then then hung up.

This telephone call, she was all nice and friendly. I just can't figure her out! That is why it is so true to not believe anything they say. Her emotions are all over the place and she is so unpredictable.

Any thoughts/feedback?