Well heck Amy...... I'm sorry for you that he was a jerk today. And I don't blame you for sticking up for your son. H needed a smack in the head if he's been treating him that way.
Just take a deep breath..... you said your piece.... now H is gonna have to serve up some humble pie.... cause he's gotta know how hurtful his actions have been.
Another bubble bath may be in order for you....
hang in there girl.... tomorrow will be better.
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Good girl. I think the letter was direct, and respectful in a way that only 2 people who have been through hell and back have the right to be toward each other.
It's said, done and sent.
He knows you have feelings, just as it took you a long to time to realize that he had feelings while you were in the fog. He is not in a MLC fog, rather a fog of forgiveness and healing.
Be patient, kiddo. I know you are. You were protecting your family and your son. He loves that kid, you know that.
Sometimes I wish I could get Jeff and give him a few lessons on how to scream like a banshee at your spouse when you're angry (OK, it's not always been a GOOD thing for me!!)....so he could get those feelings out from the past, open dialogue and maybe move forward. But, he is his own man, and will deal with this as he needs to.....and just like you HAD, in some way, to go through the MLC to deal with your own stuff, he needs to do this too.
Trust that somewhere he's listening. Trust that he's testing. Trust that he has confidence that you can "take this" and are strong. Or else I don't think he would test you as much.
I think that's human nature. To be yourself and see who loves you enough to still stand by your side. Didn't we all do that to our parents (God bless them) during our teen years. Test them, rebel, knowing all the while they would still stand by our side. Maybe this is his reassurance of things, that your love is real, lasting and strong. To see your level of committment to him.
Who knows. Live life and keep standing, girl. God only knows you've been shot in the leg with this before and kept on walking!
I pissed him off enough that I actually got a reply. I received it first thing this morning and it isn't pretty.
"this is bullshit amy! do not bother bringing the key back. i am not 100% sure would not have made a copy. i will be changing the locks monday. i do not know now what we would have to talk about. keep the money, i will be fine. as for yourself, did you do the right thing?"
I did not reply.
After work I had to run a few errands and then I went over to the house. He was sitting right by the open front window. I knocked, he hollered come in. The locks had not been changed. Yet, I suppose. His back was to me and he did not turn around. I asked if D11 was there and he said she was swimming at the neighbor's house. I told him I brought his money back and he told me he didn't want it (mean voice). I felt like crying but I didn't. I sat the money in the magazine basket beside his chair and said "But Jeff, it means something to me to give it back to you. Thank you for loaning it to me". Then I said goodbye and I closed the door behind me and left. I didn't give him back the key. I figured the locks were changed by then. I never would have made a copy of that key, though. Never.
Wow...Amy I wish I had words to comfort you. But I'm afraid anything I say would just cheapen your emotions, so I'll just say I'm sorry.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Ouch!!! But then you did kinda figure he might be pissy about it. You're much too aware of the schemes of the enemy to let this get too close to you....
You coulda been a a real snippity twit and took that money and bought him a gift certificate to Lowe's or Home Depot with a note saying... I'd have given you new locks but didn't want you to worry about key copies.... so here ya go! But see this is how my mind works.... I tend to waste time thinking of all the ugly ways I could've reacted rather than actually do it.
Probably not productive..... but it gets the venom out!!!
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Reading the comment he wrote about not being 100% sure I didn't make a copy hurt too bad for me to be angry.
It's really fine. He knows I wouldn't do that and I'm not going to waste my time or his trying to get him to SAY he knows it. I know he knows it. Otherwise, he'd have taken my key when I moved out (or immediately changed the locks) instead of telling me to keep it.
All the little spats over the last few months in which the anger (sometimes on BOTH sides) seemed more than the situation called for, all the little arguments over D11 and such, they've been like little fuses, lit but fizzling out, but the fuses have gotten shorter and shorter, closer to the explosive, which is the REAL ROOT of it all. Today I was remembering the argument we had a few weeks before school got out. The one D11 overheard, the one where he told me to leave but when we saw her standing there he asked her if she understood why were arguing and he said "it's not because we don't love you or because we don't love each other"... and then I explained to her how we both had different ideas of how to best help her (with her school problems) etc....etc...that was as close, and it was SCARY, as we have come to a major blowup that I know would have crossed all boundaries as far as the issues. But because both kids were in the house, it was neutralized. At the height of that argument he yelled at me "WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE?!" and I said "No. I'm NEVER leaving AGAIN!" When I finally left later that night, we were on good, solid ground. Because we fought THROUGH. He let his anger begin to show and I realized where it was coming from and I knew if I walked out, that would tell him a million times over that he couldn't ever believe in me again.
This is just another speed bump. It's also the first damn thing I've done that instigated an argument in which I haven't immediately felt convicted of my behavior. I don't regret that letter because I did not write it in anger.
And I'm not leaving him no matter how mad he gets.
Because a few weeks ago he played this song for me and told me it had "a hell of a message"
I Never Dreamed
My daddy told me always be strong son Don't you ever cry You find the pretty girls and then you love them Then you say goodbye I never dreamed that you would leave me But now you're gone I never dreamed that I would miss you Woman won't you come back home
I never dreamed that you could hurt me And leave me blue I've had a thousand, maybe more But never one like you I never dreamed I could feel so empty But now I'm down I never dreamed that I would beg you Woman I need you now
It seems to me I took your love for granted It feels to me that this time I was wrong, so wrong Oh Lord now I feel so lonely I say woman won't you come back home
I tried to do what my daddy taught me But I think he knew Someday that I would find one woman like you I never dreamed that it could feel so good, Lord That two could be one I never knew about sweet love So woman won't you come back home Oh baby won't you come back home
