Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? It is finally out, he wants a D

Well this is our 2nd seperation and the 5th time he's left (first 3 weren't for any longer then 2 weeks). People tell me I just need to give him time that he always comes back. Well that's all well and good but I can't sit here confident that he will because no one knows what the future holds.


We're supposed to get up to 93. I have to cut the grass today!! I'll wait til this evening when the sun is going down. Life was definitely simplier as a kid. My H has my kids. I'll go pick them up this evening. Sure is quiet when they aren't here.

I have to miss my support group tonite as I have a mtg to go to. Very disappointed since we missed last week for the holiday. Things have still been quiet. He goes out most nights. Last night it was Karaoke. I just wish him well and say nothing. I have offered him my car the last 2 nights - his truck is a guzzler so if I am not using the car he takes it. However, he is refusing it now. So I am wondering what that is all about.

It has been nice not to have to get the kids ready for school in the morning. Other than having to pay the babysitter I love summer!

A new neighbor moved in next door. She is divorcing an alcoholic H. Has one D the same age as mine. I may invite her to a mtg with me. We have much in common I am sure.

Just realized today is the 4 week anniversary of his announcement he wants out. Have to try not to realize things like that, but it is hard.

On a better note, my H called me early this morning, which is very rare. Sometimes in the afternoon. So I asked what was up. Nothing, just wanted to BS. That NEVER happens, let me assure you. Asked how the kids were last night. I guess some part of me still has hope he will come to his senses. But I try and push that away for reality. I don't want to get my hopes up you know.

Yeah bringing up the bad is a downer.

He called you. That's good. Maybe it'll happen again, then again. Mine has been contacting me DAILY for 2 weeks now. Just shooting the breeze. A couple times are M came into (his doing) and we even managed that nicely. I'm seeing some positives. A lot more then before but he also has to throw in a negative comment here and there. Not like before but it's still there.

I hear ya about the hope. As much as I don't want to be too hopeful after all this good it's hard not to be. I don't know maybe he's just trying to stay friends but I can't help but feel there's more to it. Funny thing is I'm down as all get out today even with all the positives. Go figure!

You will have your up and down days, same as always. No matter what is going on it is how you process it. I was pretty good yesterday, then I went to my Home Interiors meeting. My friends there all gave me positive vibes and advice as well as hugs. That was really helpful. If only they were around on a daily basis! But they all told me to call them at any time if I needed to. I really have to credit people who say that. If I really was to call I'm sure they'd be sick of me.

Try and keep your mind off of "things" if you can. If you are home, try cleaning. Or starting some kind of project. Tomorrow I am working on my living room drapes. TV sometimes helps, but sometimes seeing happy couples on tv is depressing. If you are a book reader, try that. Divorce Remedy perhaps? Always a good read-and re-read.

Cook a big fancy meal. Or as fancy as you get. Something you will feel proud to serve to your family. Make mashed potatoes. They are fun to whip to get out stress! Exercise perhaps. I still go back and do my Jane Fonda workout at times. I wish I did it more, I have a few lbs to lose.

Take the kids to the playground. Fun to watch and they enjoy it. Or the movies. Rent a movie. Lots of good family movies to rent. Ever see My Dog Skip or Good Boy? Both dog movies. Or cheaper by the dozen? How about our all time favorite the Iron Giant? Cannot help but smile watching that one!

As someone told me last night who is twice divorced, keep your chin up!

H was very sweet last night. Almost normal! No, correction, better than normal. We cuddled in bed. He massaged me, and when I got a headache he rubbed my head. At one point he said my name 3 times and I looked at him. In almost 25 years he has rarely said my name. He said yes, you heard me right. Go figure! I'm keeping things as nice as possible right now. But this is not fooling me, my group would say I was giving in or something. Speaking of, someone from my group called to check on me which I thought was really nice.

Sounds good. Maybe one day he'll come around to your way of thinking. Wouldn't that be nice for us all.

My H is being a lot better then when this first started. I've seen him 3 times this week! None of them bad. I sat down yesterday and made a list of positives. Had quiet a list too. I was impressed. I think I tend to dwell too much on the negatives. So from now on I'm trying to stay positve. We had lunch today with him. It was pleasant but sad. Sad because it was almost like old times and I wish we were back together. I do believe he is thinking though so I'm hopeful.

I know what you mean about pleasant but sad. I have turned a new leaf this week trying to be positive as well. But get this one-yesterday he grabbed me passionately and was kissing me. Then later he told me he had something to tell me that might depress me so I said don't tell me. Then he said he was denied on the house he was trying to rent. He said that should be good news for me as he will be around longer. Then said something about with the clothes I have been wearing lately....... Have been playing up the cleavage and he definetely notices.

I was going to do the list thing too but decided against it as it would depress me. Don't know that I could right now. But he was nice yesterday and was doing a relative a favor so I figured I wouldn't see him until late so I went about my business and he called to apologize for taking so long-imagine that! So I played along and said I didn't expect him anyway, so it was fine. He came home around 6 and we ate with the new neighbor and another-called it a welcome to the neighborhood party! She has been good to talk to since she is going through a divorce right now as well.

Yeah I'm working on being positive. So far I've been doing pretty good. I haven't heard from him since lunch yesterday which after the last 2 weeks is unusual. Still being positive. Yeah anytime I know I'm going to see him I dress a little nicer/sexier. So far he hasn't said anything but I know he's noticing caught him looking a couple times.

I was surprised my list was as long as it was. I came up with 20 things! Course now I'm in the dark again. (hate this part). Oh and he's going with us out of town for my S7 soccer tournament. We'll be sharing a hotel room. All I can say is it's going to be one interesting weekend....

Have a couple family members telling me to just give him time he's on his way back. Don't know that for sure but lately it seems to be he's just afraid to come back and have me not be there for him like I was before. So I'll give him time and hopefully one day he won't be scared anymore.

Just got done catching up on some threads. Sounds like you both are doing well. I know that sounds silly. When everyone tells me that I smile and think yeah if you only knew.

Interesting about him not getting to rent the house. Coincidence? I really don't believe in coincidence. The night my H packed some things to leave, his truck was broken into and his suitase, IPOD, laptop, everything was stolen. He had just been clothes shopping the week before and had packed all of his new favorites. A little hard not to smile on the phone when he called to tell me the next morning. I mean really, when someone steals the underwear that you are trying to leave home with...God is definitey on my side.:)