hope you had a great weekend! I'll be out of town this week so I hope everything goes well for you for the 4th.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Hi everyone - don't have much time to post right now but just wanted to check in and let everyone know I haven't fallen off the face of the earth!
I will post more details and catch up with everyone later, but in a nutshell I'm still riding the rollercoaster.. very big high on the 4th followed by a big ol' dip last night (my fault).
I've read about how the WAS sometimes pulls back a bit after a really good interaction. Now I'm starting to realize that I have come to "expect" it and end up sabotaging myself a bit. It's a brand new realization so I haven't really "processed" it yet but my first thought is that the pulling away is "easier" for me if I do something to cause it and then can blame myself for it. As opposed to H just doing it for what appears to me to be no reason. If that makes any sense. Something else I need to work on, for sure.
But the 4th was great, best day we've had in a very long time!! So I'm excited about that.
Will post more soon!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Hi Nikki. I know exactly what you're talking about when you say it feels easier to be the one to sabotage things with your H. After awhile though I think you'll stop feeling that way. You will realize how important it is not to contribute to that cycle, or the roller coaster. I know it's hard. Hard to live with rejection, but it can be worse to live with being the one responsible for "making withdrawals". Good for you for recognizing what's going on. Keep up the good work. Try to focus on just "making deposits". If your H wants to make withdrawals, let that be his problem. Try to look at it differently... instead of "being" rejected, you could see it as him rejecting himself.
Take care. Have a great weekend!
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
I can't wait to hear how well the 4th went for you Nikki.
I'm almost releived to see there isn't pages and pages that I've missed! I've been away from the computer a lot since being with family in KS, so I'm just kinda checkin in with you. What you said about it's easier if it's you that "messes up". I totally understand. It's really about control. If WE mess up and cause the problem, we can fix it. If they do it for who knows what, we have no control over the sitch. So I totally understand.
Don't focus so much on what's wrong though, try to remember what your doing different that makes the GOOD sitchs happen like for the 4th and just keep at it. We do have influence in how our spouses react, but you aren't influencing everything, so don't let his bad reactions dissappoint you or bring you down.
take care, talk to you soon.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Nikki-- Good to hear that the 4th was good for you :0) I know that the down days are really hard, especially when they are so close to good ones. I like what ST said about looking at the good times, and trying to repeat them--like Nomopo's systematic solutions... I'm trying to not throw-up over on my coaster ride, so I'm sorry that this is shorter than I would like. Take care, Donna
