Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Is there any hope? Anyone had any success

I will check it out Spike
Thanks JustD. I know the feeling, I just got hit with my dose of horrible reality a week ago, so I am still in shock, and my stomach turns every time I look at her. Sad thing is I still love her, and for some crazy reason I do believe it has been non-sexual, but I am not convinced that its not what she wants and is why she has asked for the D.

You have a great attitude about it! I am rooting for you, hang in there! I too really apprciate having someplace to talk about this with others who I know truly understand. This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. My head is a mess, cant sleep and cant work. Lucky for me I am the boss and I can sit in my office (at least short term someday I have to work!) and deal with this.

Thanks NikkiB

Thanks! I hope that a lot of us can have success stories.

I agree this is the hardest thing to go thru. Yeah still hard after 4 times. LOL

I can tell ya my head was really messed up the first oh 2 weeks. Now I can have my okay days mixed in with the bad. I'm by no means OKAY but sometimes it's more bareable. And last few nights I've actually managed to sleep. Still not eating much but hey flip side is I'm loosing weight.

At the moment I stay at home but am looking for a job since I need to be able to support me and my kids. Have an interview tomorrow but at least during the really rough time I was home and could melt down if need be. I'm sure there'll still be rough times but hopefully they can wait til I get home. lol

Your situation sound incredibly like mine.

H41
me 41
S11
D7
1st bomb - 6/28/05, separated 90 days
2nd bomb - 10/2/06, day after our 18th anniversary (didn't leave)
12/5/06, told him to leave, says was staying until after xmas for kids
3rd bomb - 6/13/07-wants a D now, has "tried" for 2 yrs he says
(BS I say)
No OW

My H went to counseling twice I think it was. Then refused to go, says didn't like counselor. Found a new one and he refused. Wouldn't read any books I purchased. Wouldn't communicate about anything "relevant".

I say exactly what you say, I hate that my kids are going through this but it is out of my control. They don't even know yet.

I thought I had a success in Sept 05 when he returned, but it didn't work because he did nothing to contribute from that point forward. No matter how much I kissed his A...I figure I cannot be any better a person than when he returned,and if he won't take that he won't take anything. Says he feels nothing for me now. Is renting a house with a friend I call his "other wife". So instead of independence he is leaving me for him. Again, not taking care of himself. So sad. And I have tried my best to act as if, but everyday something new comes up to rattle my world. The rollercoaster you know.

So I have been very bitter, and was told by H that he could be that way too but we have to get along while he is still home he says. I try my best not to say anything, but sometimes it slips. Tells me stupid things like "look on the bright side"...

I could scream! Says I'll probably find someone before him. Yeah, like I am looking for that I said. NO way! I would never marry again, EVER after this fiasco.

Like you said, it is good to talk to others who can relate. We all hope the best for each other, but know the reality.

4th bomb -

its a true nightmare isnt it? I am trying so hard not to let it crush me, especially when I am home with her (she hasnt left yet and I WONT) I try to be upbeat and not let her see me hurt. Actually just started this act the last few days from everyones good advice her and the DB book. For the last two weeks all I have done was kiss butt, beg, plea, you name it and everyone was right the more I told her I loved her and asked her to do counseling and try to make theings work the more I pushed her away. I am just hoping its not too late for me to show her I am stronger then that and hope she opens her eyes.
It is a rollercoaster isnt it!!
Did you say your husband is moved out but your kids dont know? What do they think is going on? Kids are way smarter then we think? My D9 is going to be crushed if and when W leaves me. She is so attached to both of us.

Nikki is right. I have peeked at her stories in Piecing. They are very inspirational. We can hope to be there someday with patience. Right now, I belong here. Hopefully, I can stay out of Infidelity and Divorce areas. My rollercoaster used to be one day up, two days down, etc. Now it is actually by the hour. One morning is fine, then by lunch everything gets shot to heck, by dinner we are all acting normal. It is tough on the roller coaster and very tempting to get off.

HSS,

Wow and here I thought I was the only one that had a husband to keep walking out. When I was doing the whole come home, let's do this thing (which I've just the last few days not done) I would here from him people don't normally split up and get back together this many times....

Oh I hate the you'll move on in no time. You'll have someone before me. Cause I KNOW he'll move on first. I don't think he can not have someone. I on the other hand have no desire to start all over.

I know the rollcoaster ride so well. Though I wish I didn't. Some days I go from crying, okay, mad, crying, upset, okay, crying..... Hate those days.

It's so hard to just sit here and not try to get through to him. But it's something that I haven't been doing so I figure it's worth a shot. Maybe he'll start to wonder what I'm up too.

My H left and the next day came to talk to the kids. Of course my 3 yr old doens't really know what's going on. Just knows daddy now has an apartment and they go see him every other weekend. My H told my 7 yr old that he had an apartment for a year. So now my son sits here saying daddy has an apartment but is coming back home in a year. Heartbreaking because who knows if that'll happen. Faith of a child I guess.

I can sure relate, one minute I feel like superman and the next minnie mouse. Especially when I go home and see her. I dont want her to leave, but if she is going to Divorce me and not try, I am never going to be able to deal with this and attempt to move on if she is there.
I feel so sorry for your kids. My two young ones are still old enough to see whats going on, my D16 will be okay I think and my S18 is out on his own already and could care less about us! I ha divorced parents when I was 7 and to this day It still bothers me and I am 40!
I dont want this to happen, this roller coaster ride is draininig me dry.

Yeah the only time I see mine is when he gets the kids every other weekend. Maybe that's a blessing. I know when he is at the house it kills me to see him leave.

I know as bad as I feel about all this it kills me when I think about our kids. I mean he tries to rationalize it by saying the kids will be sad for a little bit but they'll be okay. Um no they won't. This will affect them the rest of their lives and I just hate that he can't see that or doesn't want to see that. Which is weird because he's been married before and has a son from that marriage so you'd think he would realize what he's doing.

I so understand the draining. My H has been gone almost 2 months and when it first happened I was exhausted all the time. Now it depends on my day. If it's a really bad day then ugh but if it's an ok day I don't feel so drained so that's nice.