But you are a man and you can't turn your feelings on and off like a water faucet like most woman can.
Nice blanket statement - unfortunately VERY false.....
Just thought I'd point that out to you.....
I didn’t mean any harm by my statement but I was trying to say that men and women are wired different. So I wouldn’t say very false, in general women are more emotional than men. Yes I know that some men are more emotional than others and some women are not. Most women have better control of their emotions than men. That’s something we learn in childhood.
This is what I think from my own experiences……
Growing up when I was a child it was ok for little girls to have/show emotions and feelings, but boys were told “don’t cry, you have to be a man”. Even when I was getting a spanking or fell and scraped my knee I was told “you better not cry”. Why was I not allowed to cry or get consoled when I hurt myself? So most men at an early age are taught and learn to stuff their emotions/feelings, that’s unfortunate but that’s the way most men were raised. I’m just pointing out the different ways we are treated and I was hoping that NLY got the point that I was trying to make and understood what I meant without an explanation. Chances are that he will know what I’m talking about when I said “you better not cry, you have to be a man” I think that most guys can relate to that statement. I don’t have any kids and it might be a little different today.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
I know what you mean. I was wired the same way. My mother would tell me not to cry, never show emotion, just be a man. So I know what you are talking about.
The thing is, I believe I can turn off these feelings now. I have to. If I don't, I ma going to drive myself crazy by checking up on her and seeing that she has called the OM again after not talking to him for at least four months. She reached out to another man recently. She is done right now. If I keep caring about what she is doing, I am not going to be able make it. She has made it known what she wants to do. Leave. Nothing matters with us anymore. She is done. After her session yesterday, she called him. So, if she felt a sense that she needs to think about us and she called him afterwards, I have to come to the realization that she is finished.
She told me again yesterday that she plans to move upstairs. She knew she had told me before, but she decided to tell me again. I almost crashed, but I held it together. I said you already told me that. She said she didn't know if I heard her or not.
I want us to work this out. I want us to be married. But right now, what I want doesn't matter. I am just here for the kids now. They do not understand that daddy made some mistakes and mommy has to leave him. They don't know what is going on and I don't know how to tell them that they will be moving again when mommy gets her finances in order.
Well SG if women are more emotional, we can't turn our emotions off. I understand as men you're "supposed to repress your emotions" but they are still there, and to be quite honest, in my sitch, it seems that my H has completely turned his emotions off for the most part - and man I wish I had that capability.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
We can do that. We do suppress our feelings. Never let 'em see you sweat is what I was always told. When someone knows they can get to you the advantage becomes theirs. And from from sitch that seems to be true. I am suppressing my emotions in order to not be hurt by this much longer. It's not as easy as i am making it, but it has to be done therefore I will do it.
and when I did it this past week - I was "cold" and always had been "cold".......interesting....three days before I was bawling my eyes out because we were in court and he wanted me to stop crying. Can't win.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Well SG if women are more emotional, we can't turn our emotions off. I understand as men you're "supposed to repress your emotions" but they are still there, and to be quite honest, in my sitch, it seems that my H has completely turned his emotions off for the most part - and man I wish I had that capability.
Well I understand what you are saying, but the day my W left she turned so cold towards me. The day before she left she was hugging me, telling me how much she loved me. The morning of the day she left, she was the same way and then "I'm leaving don't call me and I don't want to talk to you"
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
As long as you know you are the same, we can't worry about what they think any longer. They don't care about what you are going through, only about themselves at the present moment. So, we deal with us the best way we know how. It's not always correct, but at the time, it's the best we can do.
SG,
You have your way of coping and the W has hers. Maybe she didn't want you to see how upset she was that she was leaving. We don't know what they are feeling because they usually don't tell us, or when they do, it's just what they feel at the moment and it changes like the wind.
But what does that mean? Maybe she just made new friends and opened up a little. Other people could have decided she changed and were happy to see her finally talk.
I just heard the "I have not been happy for the whole time we have been married". "I am pretty sure there have been some point in time I was happy, but they were few are far between". She said she realized that when she had her A last year that she realized that we were incompatible sexually. Sex has never been good with us. She said it is something that can't be worked on because she is not willing to open herself up to that. What is going to change. She would have to put herself back in that position again and she is not willing to do it.
And since she is not happy and realized she never has been, this is not worth saving. Believe 50% of what they say right? Well, after hearing that, I may not longer have the will to fight. She basically said she was more compatible with someone she was with for 4 months more than me.
The last few days I didn't say much to her. I was given her space and not asking her about anything. She came home today and saw that I had move her table into the garage. This was after she told me she didn't like it in the kitchen. Now all of a sudden i am trying to move her out. That prompted me to ask her why she hated me so much. I should have just let it go because it lead into the whole conversation about us not working and she has to go in order to be happy. She is going. I have to let her go. It is just hard to look at her everyday and know she has never been happy. It is hard to look at her and realize she doesn't want me anymore.
