About months ago, you reached the end of your rope. You had had it, were ready to move on, and told your W to go ahead and file. Remember what happened then? W, faced with the prospect of you moving on rather than continuing to wait and hope, suddenly warmed up to you a bit. And you found the strength and fight in you to go a little further.
I wonder if something similar is going on now. You are again at the end of your rope, and again seriously contemplating moving on without her. She once again sees that 'safety net' of Ian standing by and waiting for her evaporating out from under her - LRT in action, right? I hope that the results this time turn out to be even better for you. My fingers and toes are crossed.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
I like your balls up stuff!!! Toomany times people analyze something to death instead of just going with what they know is right in their heart and I want to kiss you on the mouth becuase you are not using your kids as an excuse to not do somethjing risky. Kids can NOT be the reason people stay together and it makes me physically ill when I hear peopel say that crap. TOo much pressure on a tuiny persont o keep their parents' marriage going and to keep pretending they are not hurt so that their mom and dad keep being happy.
Look at Sox and Rob, throwing that sh^t back in my face. One problem with giving advice around here is it may come back to haunt you now won't it.
I know that she is trying gang, I do realize that and if she continues to make these efforts that will certainly help me in my decisions. However, if she faulters, she is done. Simple enough.
I don't need her to do this crap because she is scared of loosing me, I want her to do this because thats what she really wants to do.
I like your balls up stuff!!! Toomany times people analyze something to death instead of just going with what they know is right in their heart and I want to kiss you on the mouth becuase you are not using your kids as an excuse to not do somethjing risky. Kids can NOT be the reason people stay together and it makes me physically ill when I hear peopel say that crap. TOo much pressure on a tuiny persont o keep their parents' marriage going and to keep pretending they are not hurt so that their mom and dad keep being happy.
bleh
Figgy my love, I hear ya........
Balls out and to the wall......
I'm going to go throw on my clown suit now and call it a day....
Do you ever ask yourself that Jack? What do I really want and then just say f^ck it and do what you know your heart really wants you to do? It's an easy thing to tell someone, a hard thing to actually do.
It's not over, but I will stop MY pain, because thats the right thing to do.
Uh oh.....here I go.....stepping in and looking at the situation from both points of view. Sigh...
We have ALL been through so much......we are all Jaded and probably will be for a long time to come. The trust issues we are going to be challenged with are overwhelming. The greatest thing I see here.......is a man who is going to exhaust all options of restoring his marriage, not only for him,his wife but for his children. They once loved each other. True.....people can fall out of love, but in our sitch's....they are not actually out of love with us, but moreso lost & looking for answers to the demons inside their heads. Before one can trully move one, they must make sure in their hearts that they have DONE everthing within their power. It would not be fair to the receiving person that we (the jaded one) might meet.
Ok....I can only use myself as an example. Yes, I do have a male friend. However.....I have made no pretenses whatsoever. He knowes the deal. I cannot give to him much of myself as HE would like. Yes, I am sure it hurts him, and it makes me incredibly sorry, but he knowes that I tell him the truth. If I were to lie to him...it would be worse. He is fine with this. He knowes that I don't know the outcome of anything, but decided it was better to be with me and take the chance. Sobeit. His choice. Besides, as some of you know, I am far to independant and stubborn now to let anyone in. I'll be honest again. Yes, I probably entered into a relationship way too soon. I should have waited and stuck it out to the very end. Hindsight....
Now let me put myself on the flip......I would not want to enter into a relationship with another man coming out of a divorce and wondering if he is thinking of me.......or the marriage he so desperatly tried to save. If I knew that this man did everything he could do to save his marriage and it DID NOT WORK! Then I would know that he came to me with a clean slate and a open heart to love me.....just me and with (Quoting Madonna) ABSOLUTLY NO REGRETS.
Peace be with you Godbless
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Do you ever ask yourself that Jack? What do I really want and then just say f^ck it and do what you know your heart really wants you to do? It's an easy thing to tell someone, a hard thing to actually do.
It's not over, but I will stop MY pain, because thats the right thing to do.
Uh oh.....here I go.....stepping in and looking at the situation from both points of view. Sigh...
We have ALL been through so much......we are all Jaded and probably will be for a long time to come. The trust issues we are going to be challenged with are overwhelming. The greatest thing I see here.......is a man who is going to exhaust all options of restoring his marriage, not only for him,his wife but for his children. They once loved each other. True.....people can fall out of love, but in our sitch's....they are not actually out of love with us, but moreso lost & looking for answers to the demons inside their heads. Before one can trully move one, they must make sure in their hearts that they have DONE everthing within their power. It would not be fair to the receiving person that we (the jaded one) might meet.
Ok....I can only use myself as an example. Yes, I do have a male friend. However.....I have made no pretenses whatsoever. He knowes the deal. I cannot give to him much of myself as HE would like. Yes, I am sure it hurts him, and it makes me incredibly sorry, but he knowes that I tell him the truth. If I were to lie to him...it would be worse. He is fine with this. He knowes that I don't know the outcome of anything, but decided it was better to be with me and take the chance. Sobeit. His choice. Besides, as some of you know, I am far to independant and stubborn now to let anyone in. I'll be honest again. Yes, I probably entered into a relationship way too soon. I should have waited and stuck it out to the very end. Hindsight....
Now let me put myself on the flip......I would not want to enter into a relationship with another man coming out of a divorce and wondering if he is thinking of me.......or the marriage he so desperatly tried to save. If I knew that this man did everything he could do to save his marriage and it DID NOT WORK! Then I would know that he came to me with a clean slate and a open heart to love me.....just me and with (Quoting Madonna) ABSOLUTLY NO REGRETS.
Peace be with you Godbless
Jeanette
Sparkles, I love your post, and I understand what you are trying to say to me. I appreciate it greatly. The great thing for me, is that there is no one else in the picture at all. For me it is all about me.
I will be able to move ahead with no regrets at all. If I do find someone before I am ready, I believe that I will handle it exactly as you have. Honest and upfront so no one gets hurt.
Again, I really appreciate your insight and perspective from someone who has been down this road, so thank you for that.
As Lissie would say.....smooches....absolutely.....
Don't absolutely me....at least not until I get to "HEAR" it
You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders....and yes, it is all about us Thats the good thing now.....this makes us realize that we cannot do for others until we do for ourselves!!!
I really hope you have a wonderful trip. It sounds ABSOLUTELY fanfriggentastic! So many Scottesman, so little time
Smooches
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Morning Bubbie Back and forth on the rollercoaster ride we go.....where it stops, nobody knows.
Just remember one thing, your moods and your feelings will change as you progress on this journey from hell.
Many times I was DONE! Only to find myself taking a time out and regain my strength to get up and fight again. Oh I feel so Rocky Balboa today!!!
But seriously, enjoy your trip, try not to think about anything other then YOU. Your wife is just not there yet, but in time, she may "get it".
You have come leaps and bounds and are so not the man that first started posting here 8 months ago. There is a softer side to you, a humility that wasn't there before which is rather pleasant.
She will notice your changes Ian, but you have to be patient. She is watching you like a hawk and will continue to test you to see if you are real.
She needs to make sure that you are sincere. I think I have posted this a gazillion times before, BUT I think it is the one thing that has pissed me off the most about this MLCBS.
WE have to make the changes. WE have to win back their trust. WE have to make them feel safe again. WE have to pray them through this. WE have to love them and forgive them.
You have come to far to be done.
((((((((hugs))))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
becuase you are not using your kids as an excuse to not do somethjing risky. Kids can NOT be the reason people stay together and it makes me physically ill when I hear peopel say that crap. TOo much pressure on a tuiny persont o keep their parents' marriage going and to keep pretending they are not hurt so that their mom and dad keep being happy.
