Don't continue doing things that make you resent her. If you are doing "your part" for a change, then you need to realize that in a 2-career family, doing half the chores is not a favor to your W. If you are doing more than that, and it is starting to bug you, STOP.
Another possible angle on the lesbian affair: Your W was blindsided by it. She had defenses up against OMs, but she worked successfully with and around lesbians her whole career and never felt tempted. And then in a weak moment she was seduced.
For women, its more about emotions and for men its more physical. There are married men out there who have M2M sex "on the side" instead of having an affair with OW, because they somehow think this isn't really cheating. They aren't gay, they're just shifty bastards.
Some advice from one whose been there. Work together on your M right now. She could very easily slip right back into lesbo mode. In hindsight, the biggest mistake I made was NOT insisting on joint marital counselling. When I discovered my W was in an EA I left it to her to take care of things. Although I suggested I go with her to C'ing, she insisted on going alone. At that time I didn't even know what an EA was, I do now. After four months of her depression, I asked her what she needed and she said her friend back. We worked out what would be acceptable to me such as coming home at a reasonable hour, not going to her friends house etc.I honestly believed they were just friends who got caught up in each others vulnerable spots. I honestly believed that if anyone would stick to our agreement and work on things it was my W. She appeared to abide by this for a long time BUT it just went underground and now my M is over. So if your W is willing to go to counselling with you, grab it. Do whatever you have to do because this can take a U turn quicker than you'll ever imagine. I wish you well.
