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cades

I have gone a few days before without it between refills. I KNOW my mind thinks I need it more than I really do.

I'm going cold turkey right now. Like I said I do have a refill if It gets bad but I think I can do it. Heck look what I have been through the last 2 months

Husband

Cades
I am putting the Quit "closet smoking" on hold right now. Evern that is strange. When ever the family went on vacation 1 maybe 2 weeks I didn't smoke. I didn't want to smoke. but as soon as we got home it was out to my shop.


Husband

Well, I was actually talking about the Lortab. I wouldn't necessarily quit that cold turkey either. Could definitely affect your moods, which would probably not be a good thing right now. But it's truly your mind telling you you need it more than you probably do. You could even cut down to even just 1 a day and still be ok.

Hey Husband,

You are doing fine. It is probably a good idea to "wean" yourself off it rather than doing a complete "cold turkey".

I tried to email you earlier, but I think you are over your limit.

I hope things have slowed down for you in your sitch.

I had a nice long talk to Virginia over the phone last night. Her experience and advice was amazing, and I felt really good after speaking with her.

I was having a bit of a downer on Mon and Tue when I was in Canberra (hence not posting for a few days). I was recieving a commendation and medal at work with a few other workmates, and I was the only one not to have my family share the moment.

DD got excited when I got home last night, and wants to take the medal in to school for show and tell, but it just wasn't the same as having them there.

But the irony of all of this was that the commendation and medal I recieved was for work I had undertaken when my R with W was taking a turn for the worse. I think the trip away (to do this job) was the straw that broke the camels back.

When you look at it, I probably deserved to be alone when I recieved it.

Andyv

manuelm1@comcast.net
husband

BTDT. Back pain. Do this. Immodium in fairly high doses (goes without saying, nothing like explosive runs to ruin your day). DXM (dextromethoraphran sp?). The cough suppressant in robo. It is the right handed isomer of codeine and will help with the screaming meemies. Also, fairly high doses of 5-htp as it will quell the depression. Rinse and repeat daily. Give it 7-10 days and you'll feel right as rain. Do not go the sub-ox route as it is far harder to get off that then the hydro.

Ok everyone -

I'm still doing well it's only the second day. I don't have allot of time but....... My w came home before her usual time today. She was seeing her C on Tuesdays. When I saw her I asked "didn't you have a meeting today?" her: “no why would you say that?"
Me: I thought you went every Tuesday. Her: oh that that's over with.
I didn't say anything else. I have been having problems with my eye the last two day she asked me how my eye was doing and I told her it was bothering me earlier but it's ok now. I then told her I was stopping the pain killer. She didn't say anything. Then she left to take some leftovers to her mom's house she said ' ok I'm leaving now I'll see ya later" Kind of nice like. At first I was thinking ok well we should have a talk to see where we are at. Maybe we should go see a C together. But it was like calm settled between us. I don't know if I'm just feeling this because I am coming off of the drugs or what. Her words just kind of passed through me instead of cutting me. I think before I would have went into a panic mode as soon as I found out she was not seeing her C yet. But with this “calm” I kind of feel we are at the start again. Not the start of the OM but the start of building our R back. It’s like we have a clean slate. I am going to keep my mouth shut right now. Tomorrow I am going to ask her if she wants to go out Saturday
I guess I will see what her reaction is then.

Keep your fingers crossed for me

Congratulations H, on stopping the painkillers. You sound really good and upbeat. I know it will be hard, but I believe your life will be a lot better for it.

The fact you are starting to not let 'expectations' about what your wife is doing, or how your wife is acting hurt you as much as they used to. That is good.

And the fact your wife stopped seeing her counselor is not necessarily a bad thing. Her counselor didn't know you, or the facts of the relationship, just what your wife told the C. And your C would help clarify the feelings. "So it sounds like you are very unhappy with your relationship, etc"

My wifes counselor, told her "whats the worst that can happen, you leave your H, go and do this, and then realize you made a mistake and come back to your H and ask forgiveness. He then either takes you back or doesn't. Can you live with that?"

Sounds like a real marriage supporter. But you have to remember, your wifes C only hears what your wife is feeling "right now" and tries to help her work through the confusion. Unfortunately the confusion is the truth, the confusion is that little voice saying "this may be a mistake, we should work on the M"

Hey next

I am not looking at her stopping the C as a bad thing. The fact that she is still here and not seeing the C means she has made some kind of decision.
I AM NOT going to get my hopes up but.....Things went really good last night. When she got back form her mom's she was watching TV and I went in to say good night and she wanted to tell me a story about something that happened at work today. This alone is progress. 2 months ago she MAY have just looked over at me and said good night but most likely would not have taken her eyes off the T.V.
I know we are not there yet. I don't want to push to hard yet.
I text messaged. Her this morning. (She will not see it until she leaves for work). About going out Saturday for a little piazza and dancing. I think this will be a turning point. If she says yes I know we are headed in the right dirction. And if we do go out I am not going to talk any R. Just build on our friendship and have a good time. If she says no. then I know we are still in the "I still don't know what I want" phase. What I do know is we are not getting farther away at this point. We are not together but we are not separating. This is a good thing. I am on day 3 without the painkillers and I am doing fine. I think this is going to help me also because I tended to take things more personal when my brain was numbed from the drug.
I am still GAL. If she says no to Sat. I will go out Fri by myself. I am still going on my lunch “date” Thursday.
Looking back at this time I think it was a good thing that I did not go postal and kept the lid in the A. I didn't go to the family. I think that would have forced her to make a rash decision. Yes this was harder on me but because of everybody here I still had support. It's not over yet. I'll post again after I receive her answer to Saturday night

Take care and stay strong.

Husband