Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Mixed Signals - the roller coaster edition

Hey CF,

Just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about ya and keeping up on your sitch. Have a great rest of the week and keep us posted on the job hunt

Well nothing to report/say today. Just bumping up the list so the thread can be found. :-)

S4N, I've been wondering how you've been doing. Hope all is well!

So I have D10 with me today since she doesn't have camp today. We were trying to figure out lunch plans and decided we'd see what my wife was doing. She had no plans and so the 3 of us went to lunch together. My wife was still a bit distance and not really talkative to me. In fact she really wouldn't look my way much.

Then she dropped a small little nugget about July 4th.

Background first, this coming week I and D9 will be at our beach house together along with our very close friends and their kids. These are friends that we have vacationed with for the last 7 or so years. Our closest married friends that we each consider the other family. On top of that he's my wife's boss and she's her best friend and my close friend too. I know seems a bit weird.

Well my wife was planning on going to the spa for the day on the 4th. I previously told her she is more than welcome to join us at the beach. If she did, great, if she didn't no problem because it's just an open invitation and that's it, no expectations.

So she dropped her nugget, she's joining us at the beach on Tuesday night, staying Wednesday and going back to work Thursday morning. To be honest I was floored by this. I couldn't believe she's going, especially given how she acted towards me this week.

Well I admit I told her I was a bit surprised and it was a nice surprise. She had zero reaction to that and what's funny is how she went about telling me about it. She was very matter of fact almost like she was trying extra hard not to show emotion or didn't have any to show.

So I am sitting here scratching my head wondering what's up. Is there some test going on? Well what ever it is I can't analyze it like I have in the past. I'll continue to be nice and show love. Faith, Hope and Love. I have Faith which instills Hope allowing us to Love.

sweet dude! I keep waiting for my W to invite me over for the 4th (her holiday <roll eyes>) but she won't. I actually invited her over to a big family party on the 9th. She won't come, but she knows my family wants her there.

Now, you HAVE to be chill. No talk of R unless she brings it up, man, even then keep things loose and easy. Confident but controlled, you know what I mean? She wants the friends to see "how you are" and if you 180 her and don't pressure her, she'll have nothing, it'll add to her confusion and she'll be on her way back because you are a changed man!

She's here at the house now and you bet I am doing all of that!!

Artist: Staind

Song: Right Here

I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting

But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting

Wow. perfect song.


PS; congrats on the july 4th thing :-)

yeah, i think it's a test.. I think JR said it pretty well :-) i just dont think it'll be quite as dramatic as he portrayed.. i dont think she'll suddenly decide to 'come back' at the end of the stay.. but I definately think it could be a great step in that direction

stay loose, and enjoy the positive time

Well turns out she's only coming to the beach for the 4th because "that's tradition, I spend the 4th at the beach with my friends." She's meaning our close friends. She didn't say family or me or any such insinuation. She's a long way off from ever coming back but she is slow, at 1/1000 of a snail's pace moving.

We did have a hard conversation yesterday morning which had her crying as she left. In it she said "quit pushing me away" and "it's going to take time." She also said "look right now I just want to be friends again." To which I finally responded "then treat me like a friend, quit being dismissive, quit ignoring me, quit holding back what you feel or want to say...friends don't treat each other this way."

We closed yesterday by trading IMs last night like a couple of friends chatting about our evenings and what we were watching. She also said she'd call "us" tonight meaning D9 and me. She actually told D9 last night on the phone to tell daddy I'll call him tomorrow night.

So just another day but a day that I have had a great time with D9.

"quit pushing me away" "it's going to take time" and to a lesser degree "look right now I just want to be friends again"
Those all sound great, if you can handle the slowness with her thinking that way. I'd say do it. I would take those first two comments from my wife and smile all the way home.

Just another day? Are you freaking KIDDING ME?!?!????

You had a fantastic day yesterday!

I'd say, let her pursue you ,at her own pace, keep doing what you're doing with the talks, and you have it made, my friend.