Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? What % of our WAS have someone else?

Because actually facing and addressing the problems is much harder than denial.

So true, "It's not my fault" they made me do this, this is as old as the garden of Eden.

Eve: "It was the serpent's fault that I ate the forbidden fruit."

Adam: "It's your fault God because you gave me that woman and it's her fault too."

I figure my H has been so starved for affection that any person paying positive attention to him will be able to sway him. It is awful t see his denial. He really believes we can get our kids through this unscathe because he has two divorced friends who share his denial. They say D is better than staying together in a loveless marriage. Lie.

Oh I hate the "the kids will be fine in a little bit" speech. The kids will never be okay they'll live with it the rest of their lives. He of all people should know this he's been divorced before and has a son that at the moment wants nothing to do with him and blames him for everything.

Oh I hate the "the kids will be fine in a little bit" speech. The kids will never be okay they'll live with it the rest of their lives. He of all people should know this he's been divorced before and has a son that at the moment wants nothing to do with him and blames him for everything.

That's the most selfish thing that someone could say, those kids will carry that scar for life! But you see how he's trying to justify his actions.

Amen. I know from experence. My parents probably should be together in their sixties but pride and hurt keep them apart. They joke and gamble together. He even stays with my mom at vacation. My mom does not say ex, she is still loyal to him. My adult brother has taken it very hard and he is a dad. It is so hard when grandparents are not married. My D5 does not understand why her grandparents do not live together and now Mommy and Daddy do not live together. I hope my D5 is not bound for the same fate which is really the worst part.

Divorce is not temporary. Even if we do reconcile and I have my doubts, this separation has already done damage to my kids that he does not see. They are nervous and tense, even though the house is more calm and "happy". They both have to sleep in my bed and they have had no play dayes with their friends because afterschool time is reserved for catch up time with Daddy. My best friend told me me her teen D17 never had a best friend because all of her weekends and vacations were scheduled visiting time with her father so she felt guilty getting close to anyone besides her Dad.

It's different for you guys that have children involved in the D, I don't have any kids. But I have a feeling that this will affect me for a long time. W's family was my family, now I don't have any family members. My mom died when I was 4, never had a relationship with my father, but he also died in 03. Both grandparents died, one in 02 and the other in 03. I do have God and I know that he will never leave me!

Yes, our inlaws become our second set of parents sometimes. My MIL called me twice a week. Not anymore. Who else would listen to a ten minute boast about my D5's new Barbie and bathing suit? We used to have much more fun than my own mom. Now she is ashamed of her son and that scares me. Like they know something I do not. They all assume he is having an affair. Is it an affair if we are separated or is he allowed to date? Anyway, assumptions are bad, I know. I act completely the same with them, as if nothing has changed.