Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Well That's It, I Give Up

To her absolutely, but I tried to make it clear to her that it wasnt just about the sex. Afterwards I even told her to not feel like you was just used for sex because that was not the case at all, I said you know how I still feel about you. It was the first time she even gave me a chance to connect with her in any way at all, so I took it. Before now she wouldnt even let me rub her neck or head when she would complain about getting a headaque. Or hug me goodbye.

Mark, how old are you?

I will be 27 in September, my wife will be 25 in October, why?

Making love it about two people, not just one. If only one is connecting..it's still just sex.

Well man I am not denying it was only sex for her, so I realize it made it only sex. But there was still some kind of connection going on that was not there before. I am not getting my hopes up, trust me, that gonna do nothing but let me down.

Pretty much what I gather from her is that if she goes all the way thru with this she wants to get the ball rolling, so that she can move on with her life. But she still knows that she can stop it anytime within 60 days. So right now she is keeping all her options open, while still moving forward with what she thinks she wants.

Focus on you to make the changes you recognize need to be addressed. Give her some space. Make the changes and hope she sees them.

Thats been the game plan all along Though I am sure its hard for all of us to always stick to it 100% of the time. I know I was an overbearing control freak who was a complete neat freak and flipped out at the kids and wife everytime they made a mess. I was selfish and not a good listener. All things I have been addressing with a counselor, reading books, and hours upon hours of soul searching.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my first post on this thread with the weight comments. I was fat my whole life and believe me I can totally sympathize with weight issues. I was so fat I was told I would be lucky to see my 30th birthday back when I was 22. I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day, on top of weighing 335 pounds. Needless to say my blood pressure was off the charts and I was sick with pnemonia every 2-3 months. Why I went off the handle with the weight stuff is that is something my wife and I both beat together, it is something we really helped each other with. We were both morbidly obese at one point. I just couldnt see why she would consider dating someone who has the same problems that we just worked so hard to beat. Thats all, I'm almost 27 years old and was the fat kid in elementary school, I spent my entire known life being fat up until the last year or so. I weigh 187 pounds now, I havent weighed that much since I was 11 or 12 years old, I was a FAT kid.

I just felt like you guys have been taking me the wrong way because of my first post which I made while I was very angry (another issue I am working on addressing, but still not perfect). Again I apologize if I offended anyone.

Just got served divorce papers in the mail. Have a provisional hearing July 9th.

She just called me on her lunch break about some appointments for the kids and some personal business matters. I then just told her I have been thinking about her, told her how I felt she had been purposely blocking me out because she knows if she let herself connect with me again that her feelings for me would come back. To my amazement she didnt protest my statement. She said well you know it might take a while for those feelings to come back, and I cant even promise you that they will ever come back.

Geez oh gosh, you wanna talk about an emotional roller coaster ride. I went from hating her for filing for divorce on our anniversery, to actually going up there and filing with her, then had sex with her for the first time since she left me, now talks of dating, and now not totally admiting she was blocking me out, but not denying it either, and then saying it could take a while for her feelings to come back (even if it came with a disclaimer of they might not ever come back).

What the heck is coming next? Gosh! I wonder if the act of actually filing for a divorce with talks of court dates and getting the process legally started has made her have some kind of a wake up call.

I think a lot of people have moments of clarity when the reality sets in. I know when she dropped the D-bomb on me that I suddenly did...both good and bad.

That is a wild ride man, it'll get bumpier too. You really need to start speaking her love language. Go to the library if you have to and read the book. That way at least you're not wasting valuable time on other things that don't make her feel loved.

I'm going to use the line you mentioned about blocking me out because she's afraid she'll reconnect. I know that's the case with my W and I'm going to see what she says. I'll bet she says nothing (that's what she does right now when she doesn't want to admit something to me...)