Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Mixed Signals - the roller coaster edition

That's why I keep MYSPACE set to private...have to be a friend of mine to know my inner workings.

That's a good idea.

No nothing really at all. We have a brief interaction this evening about father's day and her weekend plans. She decided not to go to our beach house with the girls and wanted to let me know in case I wanted to go.

As interactions go it was good and she actually wanted to chit chat but I was heading out and she was cooking. So we both cut it short.

Did she get you anything for Father's day that you know of?

Am I gathering that you WON'T be with your kids for Father's day? I'll only be with S4 for a few hours as I have to go catch a plane for work maybe I'll keep him up late tonight so he's cranky when I take him back tomorrow. Naw, don't want to get in trouble

I really thought W would get me something "from S4" but she didn't even do that. I was surprised. I got her a Mother's Day gift...she always reciprocates. I'm actually really surprised.

From earlier conversations we've had I am under the impression my wife didn't do anything for me for Father's Day. But we'll see.

I'm picking the girls up tomorrow at 10:30 AM. Evidently there is something they want to do with me but I have no idea what. My wife didn't say anything about what is was either.

I'm not sure how I'll feel if she doesn't do something for me for Father's Day. I at least got her a card for Mother's Day.

Now journaling...

You know it's odd the last 2 nights I've gone to Starbucks, sat outside and written in my journal. I haven't done any writing in it in 4 months. My latest entry was all about what I want to do if we get divorced. With that a very unexpected feeling has come over me, a bit of peace in some respects. Peace at being on my own but also this strange feeling of apathy too. That is very, very unexpected. Sure I'd like her to contact me but all of the sudden I'm not sure about us. I'm not sure I want there to be an us anymore. I'm not sure about this feeling either, is it temporary, where did it come from, why did it come on so suddenly? Geez I have way to many questions that roll about in my head!

Thanks Amy!

So no I got nothing from her, no card, no gift but she and the girls are taking me to dinner tonight to our favorite pizza parlor.

I just got back from picking up the girls and upon leaving I went to touch her arm but not hug her. Well that wasn't her intention, she hugged me then tilted her head slightly so I kissed her forehead. As she stepped away she was smiling nicely and I asked if that was ok and she smiled further and said yes. So she didn't reject physical attention and actual sought a bit out. I have to remember baby steps, catfan, baby steps.

Now off to the movies with my girls and I am excited! I haven't seen them very much at all this week and I am so happy to be with them!!!

See, that is nice. That is a good Father's Day gift. Time with your family and a bit of physical touch with your W. I would take that right now NO DOUBT!

I think your wife is about a step ahead of mine in working toward fixing the M. I think that's probably harder for you because you're like, LET'S GO! Come on! If we're here why can't we be all the way together????? It'll come along Catfan, just release those feelings of Apathy, they're not real - let 'em go. Don't dwell on them, don't repress them, let them go...

have a great Father's Day!!!

Well back from a day with the kids and part of day with my wife. The girls and I went to see Surf's Up, went to the park, played video games then we all went to dinner together. The girls planned a little special twist at dinner, they got my wife and I to sit next to each other. God bless their little souls they are trying to help us both. My wife and I chit chatted away and really I think we both enjoyed it. Once back to the house my wife needed to get the girls ready for the coming week and her trip to Europe. While helping her pick up D9's room I looked at her and asked her about love languages. I did apologize about having to ask but I told her that the sermon this morning really got that question running non-stop. She chuckled and told me go ahead and ask. So the answer to her love language dialects are acts of appreciation, words of love and acts of service that help her manage day to day. She wants someone who loves her and appreciates her but doesn't worship her.

So what was the sermon? It was all about love, God's love and how it's different than human love. God's love is completely unconditional. Human love is conditional. We need something first in order to love. That's what got me thinking about JR and my conversation about love languages and the specific dialects.

Well not long after we got finished with D9's room, my wife lied down on the bed while I sat next to her. I rolled over next to her and told her, how much I appreciated all that she had done with summer camps this year. It was unbelievable. She closed her eyes with a slight smile and I kissed the end of her nose and said, thank you, thank you very much. She didn't turn away, she didn't shy away, she just laid there right next to me.

As I was leaving several minutes later I told her thanks again. I then mentioned(once again to her) if she needs help that all she needs to do is ask. That I'd knock out the half dozen items I noticed and we had discussed earlier. Since I am not around it's hard to know what needs to be done. I then said maybe the way we start is her just asking and me just doing. She thought that was a good idea and would work on a little list for me this week while I am at the house.

Oh and I am giving her a ride to work tomorrow so she doesn't have to worry about airport parking. She really appreciated that!

congrats on a really nice day

only thing i'd remind you of.. is that she doesnt ask, and you know that already. so saying "all she has to do is ask", isnt going anywhere.

There's shades of offering. If you REALLY want to do some of those things, maybe after letting the offer sink in for a while, pick one that is easy and quick, and say to her some time, "i'd LIKE to do [so-and-so] for you today; i happen to be at the hardware store, so it would be easy for me to grab [xxxx] and come by and fix [yyy]"