It's so interesting, isn't it, that they display the same characteristics, both the OP and the MLCer - I mean, so many OPs have the same characteristics, as do so many MLCers.
And I usually do say gf, not ow, but it makes it easier sometimes to bring up a global discussion if I use that acronym. The "woman" H was with when he left was ow; this one came on the scene much later.
Why is it important that it be an unhealthy R? I don't want him to be happy, to be honest. And it pisses me off.
Anyway, this isn't supposed to be another thread about me, so I'll sign off! Anyway, it's just making me more annoyed, lol!
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I know this is a little late but I had to post it.
Quote:
The OW in my case, told me in an email she has no ill will towards me. UMMMMMMM, how nice?
My H's OW sent me an email saying about the same, she hoped we could work through all of this in the future. All the while scolding me for feeling ill will toward her. WOW, really nice of her considering we were supposed to be friends and she went after my H.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I had a chat with my H's 18 yr old OW. (He told me 20)
He did not introduce her to any family and she knew little about his family. She knew little about me too. She told me all he told her was that I was a teacher and would accuse him of stuff. SHe wenmt on about how her teachers in school always helped her a lot and she has a lot of respect for teachers.
She also had an alcoholic father like my H and she drinks. He claimed she does not drink much but from Text messages I have seen that is not true.
I noticed he talked to her like she is a man and uses a lot of profanity with her. He does not do that to me.
She claims to have tried breaking it off numerous times as does he. I am not sure what is going now as she is returning home to California if she is not alreay back home.
She also told me about seeing her uncles have lovers growing up and how everyone makes the OW feel really really bad. So I am not sure why she did it. She claims she did not know he was married, but she is lieing I told her myself on the phone before anything really started. She claims she thought it was a joke. But everyone knows he is married since he works with some of my former students.
It was a weird discussion. She told me about her dsd doing mean things to her mom. She does not trust anyone, just like my H. She does trust her mom. My H does not even talk to his mom really. She told me that she thinks he is never sober that even at work he is buzzing from the night before (hois drinking has gotten worse) and that he lives in a fog. SHe said a lot of what she has said to him she does not think he remembers since he is always drunk. Very true assessment actually.
My H and his friend told me she had a bad attitude problem and curses a lot. I told her this is why I did not really want to talk with her. She told me its true but this is important so she would not act like that with me. She didn't either she was polite. She kept saying hopefully once she is back home my H will decide to work things out with me. She also mentioned all the classic stuff he tried to feed her and she did not believe anything from him and did not trust him.
Well, my H sort of left with his work clothes but I am 99% certain he lives with his friend due to comments he makes when he comes by. and the scars from "play fighting."
I have learned from reading about affairs and seeing the ones here that a large majority operate on pity.
I also think they "affair down" and that they find people similar to themselves. My H has changed quite a bit during these past months. He uses way more slang than ever. even the way he texts has changed. He used to be a big one on grammar, now though he types weird and replaces all "c" with "k."
But even then he does not talk down to me or curse to me. But her . . . . that is another story.
I do pray for her. I pray that she get home (California) safely and finds someone who can commit to her 100% who is not married or has a GF. I ask that God works on her heart and conscience also.
Hi Heartscared, I pray for OW too. Although i have too admit that somedays I'm too tired or sad to do so. But Like you i pray she finds a man who is not married or has a GF and who will be there for her completely. I also do the prayer about the hedge of thorns around my DH.
ndeed, quit calling her OW. It seems as though H has made very clear to you that he has exited the M. That means you are no longer W, so she is not OW. She is the single W in his life as a romantic P right now. Call her his GF. It will be better for you. She remains OW only as long as you feel are, and are entitled to be, the W in WAHs life. You are not in his life as a romantic partner and love is not about entitlement.
I am not sure I agree with this. Just because one person decides to be done with the M does not make the marriage over, neither legally or morally. The other women got involved in a R with a man that in most cases they knew was not married to someone else.
My H's OW was a close friend of ours, she went to a concert with a friend and me one week, sympathizing with how much I still loved my H and the next week pursued my H and slept with him. This is the truth, not my truth but was witnessed by other friends of ours. She confided in a mutual friend that she was tired of not having any extra money and was going to do something about it. This friend doesn't even speak to her anymore because she told her it was wrong.
H and I had been talking and had a brief romantic encounter that I know scared him because he didn't want to come back to the same problems. I am not trying to offend but does this sound like a simple case of finding a GF? I don't think so. Some people have no morals and no compassion for others they are just so insecure and have to have a R that they will step on anyone to get what they want. That was almost one year ago and I still can't wait until it blows up in their faces because I know it will.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Thank you for that post, and the hugs. They are needed tonight.
OT ~
I am feeling attacked by you. I'm sure you don't mean it that way, but my gosh, please don't tell me to do this, do that, quit this, quit that, assuming that you know best. My H (that's what he is) did NOT make it clear to me when he started up w/ this woman that he was done w/ our M. He was hanging around w/ me and the kids, doing things w/ us as family, refused to file for D...these are not things that I would expect someone "done" with a M to do.
I feel like you assume that everything I say is based on my assumptions of what I want to be true, but it's not. It's a little weird when someone suddenly, out of the blue, starts having phone conversations like this:
Me: Do you have one of my fans?
H: Yes, I have one of your fans.
Me: Can I have it back?
H: Of course you can have it back.
Me: Can I get it tonight?
H: No, you can't get it tonight.
If this started out of the blue and only happened when said person was with their gf/bf/ow/om, would you not find it odd? I do.
As for my accepting what he did to me (e.g. leaving me alone in the hospital), I don't know what you mean by that. I certainly told him I didn't like it. I didn't walk out on him, though. Yes, it's my issue, but it hurts to see him treating someone else better. Can you not understand that? I feel like you just don't get how much that hurts. Maybe you did not go through what I've been through with your X. I don't know. But it hurts like hell.
Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. I'm feeling blue now, but I will get over it. I would just appreciate some respect for me and my feelings from all of those here, not just my H.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
