Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Not sure anymore

how to feel, what to think. I got a bill in the mail today from a lawyer's office. Obviously, H actually had the L draw up D papers on March 16. Never filed, never served. We started being 'good' again about maybe 2 or 3 wks later. He never told me he did this. Now I'm going to have to ask him about it. I guess I'm finally going to get some answers in a way I never imagined. Oh well, everything happens for a reason. I figure I got this bill so that we HAVE to now have a discussion about where he's at, what actually changed his mind during those 2 or 3 wks to actually stay w/ me. May even ask if he's still talking to OW if it comes to it.

Feeling pretty low. Feeling pretty worthless right now.

Well, I have 2 options. I can either email him and say "I got a bill from L's office" and leave it at that & see what he says. I'm wondering if maybe I would actually get a well thought out email in return or (2) would it be better to say to him over the phone I rec'd the bill and then see what he says w/ no time to 'think' about it?

Opinions?

Cadesmom34, First things first you are not worthless. Get that nonsense out of your head.

Alright lets talk about that bill. I know getting it is going to eat at you, but what does bringing it up to him do for you. He is overseas and you are at home. If he really wanted to get D you would have been served by now. WAS are cowards(sorry they are) and being thousands of miles away would be the perfect time to file for him. You are going to see him in August right? Do you think bringing this up is going to make your sitch any better? (probably not).... You have taken the high road many times during your M and maybe the highroad t his time is not saying anything rightnow. If you feel like you really need to mention it to him please sleep on it for a week....After a week you think that you still need to mention it then OK go for it....Just my .02$

-ERC

Cades
Sometimes I FEEL even though most of the people here will disagree with me. You do have to face an issue. I know nothing about timing. Everyone tells me it's too early in my sitch to talk R Ok I can wait a little longer. But this is an issue you are now forced to confront. It is not a bad thing. It's something that if you didn't deal with you probably would have wondered about. Was he going to file? Would he have filed? ECT. So now you know the answer to these questions and they will no longer linger in your mind.

Now HE DID NOT FILE.... YOU WERE NOT SERVED. This is a good thing. What changed in those 2 to 3 weeks that changed his mind?
Did you start doing something different?

I would not press to hard on what changed his mind. You need to discuses the bill. But I would not push the reason for not filing.
I am not even going to speculate why he didn't file because WE would be filling I the blanks most likely with negative reasons.

Sept is coming soon.... Smile you can't be worthless... I could be outside enjoying the first day of a California Sumer but No I here writing you. That must mean you are worth something. At least to us.

Husband
Remember I give good advice. I just don't follow it.

After reading ERC I agree. No use bringing it up now. What the heck was I thinking?? Pay it put it away.

Well, the bill is for $1,500. I don't know if I called if they would tell me anything anyway. I work in an L's office and I'm actually the adverse to their client, who would be H. I suppose if I'm now 'paying the bill' though they may take that into consideration, but I don't know. I think I will 'sleep on it' for awhile.

DO NOT PAY A THING!!!!!!! That L will not even pickup a pen for your H without that money. You do not owe them anything. Have you ever heard of a D L allowing IOU's? I don't think so..... If I where you I would rip the bill up and forget all about it.

I actually have a better idea then ripping it up and tossing it. Bonfire....use it to start a bonfire.....Yipee....party at Cadesmom house.....If Husband and I are showing up you better make sure the beer is a plenty and cold...

Take Care,
ERC

So sorry you feel down sweetie... take a deep breath, YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS! I have to run an errand and put the kids to bed. I will post more later.
Sleep on it for sure....
God bless,,,,,
Hey I will bring Tequilla... bonfire idea sounds fab! yeah a praying Catholic Girl who loves Tequilla go figure?

Ok, bonfire it is. I was kind of thinking that the amount was probably a retainer and they were allowing him to make payments. If he's not going to go through w/ it, we wouldn't owe anything but the time they maybe spent drawing up papers which were never filed, if they even did that. I'm sleeping on it for awhile.

They would not have drawn up the papers without that retainer. Unless H went to some discount budget lawyer who just graduated from Cracker Jack U. Then his L is just hard up for cash and would do just about anything that he thought would pay him something. Otherwise they did nothing for your H accept have a few talks. Either way sleep well tonight and do not worry about this bill. BTW when is the bonfire?

-ERC

Actually, the L is a very well known crook, but H knows one of the L's that works in his office. Wife of a very good friend, so it could have been a favor for him to make payments.

Ironically, I actually called this friend this a.m. and asked if he & wife (lawyer) would swing by some time when they were out & about to show me how to crank up our weed wacker. He told me he was going to start coming by every week to mow for me. I told him that wasn't necessary, I just needed some help w/ this silly thing.

Bonfire is just as soon as I can find a babysitter for boys so I can get completely tanked!!!