So her and I had the following email exchange...I'm so lost.
Quote:
HER: They guy in gallup sold the horse..i give up
ME: without calling you...knowing you were interested? how rude
HER: maybe im not meant to have a horse
ME: I don't think that. I just think you weren't meant to get THAT horse. We'll get there, have some patience. What's a couple more weeks or months after 10 years?
HER: i have to tell ya im giving up hope
ME: I know it's discouraging. But the right one will come along. Just like I have faith in us, I have faith in the horse. You're way to determined of a person to let this stop you.
HER: you have no idea how much i just feel like giving up
ME: so talk to me about it
HER: nothing to talk about...so here it is 941 and (MIL) is still in bed smoking and drinking pepsi, The kids have NO clean clothes..
ME: And if you touch the clothes all hell would break loose I'm sure. Is she speaking to you at this point? Let me talk to Mel about the auctions. The next one is Aug 25th and if we haven't had a horse lead I say we go to it. What the hell. Will be nice for a day trip even if we don't buy anything.
HER: no she inst talking to me and screw her i am doing laundry..the kids need clothes..i dunno about the acution i am really ready to just give up.
ME: why are you so ready to give up on your dream? You're sooo close. And I'm trying to help you here.
HER: i am not closer to the horse dream today then i was 10 years ago
ME Yes you are. Your husband is actually paying attention now and supporting you in it. You have virtually all the tack. We have a financial option that might work. This can happen.
HER: a saddle that isnt usable, a bridle that isnt usable..a loan that MIGHT come thru..i have done without forever so what in the world was i thinking..i do not believe it will happen, i have given up hope..
ME: why is the saddle and bridle unusable? I thought we just had to break in the saddle which I have the strength to do. I just need to get moved first. I know you've gone without. I see that now. We bought a ton of trivial crap all the years trying to fill those holes in both of us. Whether it be a new dog or a DVD.
I know you feel like you've tried everything. But I'm not done trying.
I think part of this is your mom has you beat down again. It's more than just the horse. Am I right?
HER everyone has me beat down..not just my mother.. i dont have the strength to do the saddle which renders it useless..
ME: I beat you down in ways I didn't realize. I thought I was just beating myself down. Don't recluse on me. I told you the Lorii I miss was the one that wasn't afraid to give the bird to me and kiss me at the same time. You still have that passion in you. You still have that drive in you. We've just got to tap back into it. I'm doing what I can to help inspire you.
If you want this, lets do this. No fretting about it. We're just going to friggin do it. Just like we just bought a Bronco, just like we just moved to VA. We are going to just jump and do this!
I will take care of that saddle for you as soon as I get moved. I just read your bulletin...speaking to (person she had an affair on me with in another state) again I see. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?
Yup..speaking to the man that I consider the downhill slide of our marriage.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I'm starting to wonder if my hope isn't just an unhealthy obsession.
Well, that's easy to tell I think. If you're doing it to KEEP her just for the sake of keeping her. it's unhealthy. If you CAN'T function without her and you obsess, it's not healthy. And I'm not talking about venting here, I'm talking about when you're alone, ALL you can think about is KEEPING her, you need to re-evaluate.
If you're standing for your marriage because you KNOW the two of you and your kids will be better off than you were before, because you're made changes to yourself and you WANT your family to benefit, you're ok.
If you're not doing this for selfish reasons but to be a better man, a better dad, a better husband you're OK.
If you're going to go in and be a doormat JUST to KEEP your W, forget it.
See the difference? Your W is NOT yours to keep. She is an individual that has needs. You can be prepared to provide that if SHE comes to get it. If she doesn't, you have NO control. If you think you do - again, re-evaluate.
Staying positive all the time is impossible in these situations. As good as I feel most of the time now, I still have moments of doubt. I go IMMEDIATELY to God, do not pass Go! do not collect $200, send your heart, mind and soul immediately to God and let him fill the void for you. He will do it, if you seek earnestly and with humility.
I'm right there with you Bro, a lot of us are. Keep it up!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Getting rid of the obsessive thoughts are very difficult. I like to know we can come here to vent. Since triggers abound everywhere, I find it good to get out in public because I am less apt to have a meltdown.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Ring, ring, see he just called and instead of confronting him about the name of some OW (which could be in my Mom's imagination), I said I had to get off the phone! I am so proud of myself! This community is really helpful ingetting through the obsessive thoughts.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
And the emails have already started this morning. Talking horses and such and acting like we had no conversation yesterday at all.
I swear i wish she didn't have my work email address.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Now she is talking to me about how depressed she is living with her parents. How her mother is so lazy, etc etc etc.
This was HER choice.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I know where you are coming from and I am not sure why they think they can vent to us about their unhappiness...the only thing I can come up with is it is a test..so pass it!! Hang int here and we are here for you
I'm so tempted to drop to my knees and ask her to just come home. I know it's the wrong thing to do. I know it's too soon. But it's what my heart tells me to do. My heart tells me that I should be "saving" her again...
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Did your W come to you in the down times for comfort Jazz? I feel like she's practically setting herself up for me to save her, but too damn stubborn and confussed to let me.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
