My SIL just called me. She mentioned how much my H was drinking when she saw him and that she is worried about his drinking and didn't like seeing him like that. I honestly have really worried about that. I keep wondering what if anything else is going on. Everytime I see him he has had a few drinks or been drinking. I don't know if it is just casual drinking or more at this point. I really worry about it.
Honestly, I was scared seeing him last night. He is so unwell mentally and physically. I wish he wanted to get help, for him so he could be happy and healthy. There is something just really not right.
Last edited by galing; 06/20/0704:20 PM.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
this is going to sound depressing, but as i've said, i use this as my journal and so here goes. i need to do this one. cry, let go, move forward. so here are my goodbyes.
goodbye to my dreams of having children by this age. i recognize that the end of my marriage is an end to that current dream, the dream of readiness for a family and i will have to start over. i had worked so hard to get to a point in life where i was married and we were financially stable for that family and now i need to say goodbye to that. i had chosen a career that i knew would be great for summers with kids. and i even thought i had the option to be a stay at home mom. i was so excited to finally be ready for that stage about a year ago and now i don't know when that stage will come. goodbye to the baby we lost and the children we will never have.
goodbye to my financial security. we were at a place where on two incomes, i could work in a job i loved and yet we could still have the liberties to buy things we liked, go on vacations, go out to eat, play a lot, etc. and i won't those luxuries or freedoms anymore. goodbye to not having credit card debt or school loans. it is going to be a financial struggle for a few years. i now make the salary i made out of college due to a career change (a great change and a blessing), but as a single person, that means really starting over my financial security. goodbye to saving for retirement for the time being.
goodbye to sharing a home with someone and having a man around the house. goodbye to the dreams of the spaces in that home being used for our children and our partnership. the spaces will become new dreams and new plans.
goodbye to the hope and potential of a future marriage with my current husband in which we both had learned from the mistakes and made it something really great. goodbye to growing old together. goodbye to the love i felt at one time together, the security in being in a marriage, the security of thinking someone would always be by my side and take care of me and love me.
goodbye to my sex life for a while. goodbye to a man who has known me in that way for 9 years and the comfort and satisfaction that comes from that.
goodbye to my extended family.
What is it that I've been holding onto? dreams of children dreams of rebuilding financial security the comforts, security, and joys of a lifetime partnership being loved and loving unconditionally
goodbye to the man that was the future father of my children, my life partner, my lover, my friend, and my family.
those are the positives, but there are many negatives to say goodbye to too. my husband has been gone for a long time.
goodbye to feeling controlled goodbye to feeling abused verbally and emotionally goodbye to feeling put down and like someone meeting my needs and listening to my feelings was a burden goodbye to feeling blamed goodbye to your disrespect goodbye to your selfishness and anger goodbye to your lack of planning for our future together, lack of appreciation of me, lack of love for me goodbye to feeling guilty or like i was asking too much that i wanted a husband that was committed, faithful, loved me, appreciated me, and wanted to pour his heart and soul into fixing himself and our marriage so we could both find a happiness together.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Don't worry about it seeming negative or depressing - sometimes you just need to get that stuff out. With a few obvious differences, I saw more than a few of your "goodbyes" that I could apply to myself - and you know what - it IS sad and to be grieved, just like any other serious loss. Take your time, and I will also be looking forward to your "hello" letter when you're ready to write it.
Thinking of you today and hope you're getting through OK - hang in there, you're an incredible person-
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
It's OK to let that stuff out, Dana. It's part of the process we all go through, regardless of where we end up. I hope that saying goodbye in this way helps you purge some of the lingering pain out of your system so you are open and ready for some fabulous hellos in the near future! (((Dana)))
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Had a good night. A guy friend invited me to a concert (Xavier Rudd) at First Ave. in Minneapolis. I had a good time and appreciated the fact that I didn't have to spend any money because it was on him tonight. It was a good way to spend the time.
Dates sticking in my head today (and maybe part of why I'm grieving even more). It has been a year today when I first found out about my husband's affair and exactly one week later found out about my pregnancy. Need to get over those dates but they do stick out. Thought today a lot about the positives that have happened in the year, there are many, but I am also mourning my marriage in a sense. Not really because divorce has been mentioned and will probably occur, but because seeing my husband this week, really shook me. I used to see glimpses of the guy I married, and now I don't really even see that. I don't like him right now. He just doesn't seem like a nice man. It's a strange feeling to have. Kind of the opposite I guess of how he feels for me, he claims not to love me but think I'm great, whereas I have this unconditional love and concern for him, but don't like who he is. I am truly concerned about him and I feel really helpless knowing I can't help him or even talk to him about it since I have no influence in his life.
Anyway, back to me. Got a good compliment tonight. My guy friend and I were talking about dating and he was pointing out how I won't have any problems meeting men because I talk to everyone and anyone and make them feel like I am their best friend right away because I kind of just put it all out there. He was just saying how that will make men feel like I'm really interested in them. I guess that is good in a way, although I'm already finding that it is a negative too because men take my attentions the wrong way when I'm just being me and friendly. Like my friend said tonight though, that's their problem not mine, and if they ask me out, I'll just be honest regarding my intentions, and that is that. I like that.... I need to practice the whole, be me attitude and not worry about how it affects others attitude far more.
Okay rambling... I have been in a club for the last 4 hours with no air condition, beer drinking, and have probably lost 10 pounds from heat exhaustion. Heading to bed.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Hey Dana, I was reading your post and was going to repond with a big ole long answer. I have decided that it will serve no purpose. Instead, I will tell you to read Swashy's thread, all your answers lie within his thread right now.
Also, I wanted to tell you that I am very proud of you. Watching all of your growth over the last 6 months, I will just say WOW. You are truly amazing Dana. Keep it up babe, with you, I have absolutely no doubt that you are going to be ok.....
