H4WB It's so hard. I have only been doing this for about 3 mos. My W OM lives out of state. It's her Old BF. He is also married. I have and am trying to go Simi dark also. I just wish there was a way we could fast forward to the end to see if going through all of this is worth it or we will lose out in the end anyway. Try to stick to your guns. I keep waffling also. When ya feel weak come here. Someone usually knocks ya along side your head and sets you straight again. If it were not for the people here I would have folded long ago
Smile Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Thanks for your prayers. I am praying for you too. It is horrible that we are in this situation. I still have a whole range of emotions as it looks like you do. Sometimes, I wish that I would just get the D papers, so we can get this over. Other times, I still wish my H would come to his senses. His A has been going on for 8 months now, and it would take a miracle for my H and I to work things out. He is half the man than I thought he was. I held on because of my vows and love, but at some point, it seems like we can step back and say that we did everything we could and we deserve better. We never gave up on our spouses, they gave up on themselves. Hold you head up high, you never did anything to deserve this (I am still trying to convince myself of this). Take care.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Long-distance is perfect for extramarital affairs. Distance shields the other person from EVERYTHING negative (schedules, family commitments, etc). So does ANY extramarital affair. So (in my opinion) an affair that may appear to be hampered by distance is in fact aided by that distance. It's ALL icing, no cake.
So I agree that having the paramour relocate closer could be a good thing. My wife's OM is planning to move about 300 miles to be with her. I found this out last night along with another important detail, that she is VERY insecure with their relationship and she is afraid of losing him. She is very clingy, and says, "tell me you love me" A LOT (how I found out is a looong story).
To most men, insecurity such as this is very annoying. I am confident he will quickly tire of it. Couple this with my sterling DBing (thanks in large part to my circle of friends here), and I have reason to be optimistic about us fixing things.
My job now is to appear to be a stable, constant source of support to her. I can be somebody that she can count on without having me tell her I love her over and over. This won't be easy, but I am up to the challenge.
I really don't see how the both of you can do C with him still having the A. That's gotta be hard. He might be using it as an excuse to still see you. Something tells me if you went dark and mysterious on him he'd be knocking at your door more often wandering whats going on.
